The good and the bad go together

Two days in NYC:

These were the best of days; they were the worst of days—-best because they worked out pretty much as planned. I ordered books at the NYPL (the main librsry on 42nd St.) on Thurs. and found that some books I had ordered last week were waiting for me as well. Joy! It's amazing how this lifts my spirit: I can work, at least a little. On Friday, Merwin carried my computer to the Allen Room where I work so I would not have to do the heavy lifting, and he made some xerox copies for me to minimize my treks in this huge space. Both days, I was able to accomplish what I planned, though slowly. Also wonderful was dinner Thursday night with cousins Sylvia and Marty, and our granddaughter Rachael was free to join us—-a real treat because her work as a cinematographer (to give it its highfaluting name) often has her working night and day. Merwin and I topped off the morning on Friday with a lunch date with a long-time friend, who told us her wonderful story about connecting with her step-brother whom she had last seen when he was six months old. He is married to a wonderful woman and has two daughters. So suddenly, from being an only child of a divorced mother, she is the sister and aunt of a whole crew. One can only imagine the joy this new relationship can bring.

Those were the good parts.

The worst parts were the sudden onslaught of fatigue, mind-numbing, incapacitating fatigue, that does not lead to restful sleep. I had to leave the dinner on Thursday night early to get back to our apartment before I collapsed, a state I felt was imminent. After about two hours of rest, that stage ended and I could actually begin to think of sleep. Except for the night sweats and the cramps in my feet. The worst is disturbing Merwin all night long as I tried walking around to relieve the cramps. OK, morning, a shower, a nice breakfast, and I was ready to work in the library again, but after lunch and as we dashed to the train to get back to Glen Head, I began to feel that same fatigue. I am OK again now, ready to watch a movie with Merwin.

I am trying hard to focus on the many good moments and maximize their effects on my spirits.

Writing always helps to put things in perspective.

Better days are coming! Only 5 days to the BMB at St. Vincent's, to be followed by a decision.

Love to all,
Bernice