Hooray! We've got power

Dear Friends and Family,

Just a brief note to tell you that our power came on late last night. What a relief. We did OK. Merwin got the car out of the garage by returning to manual, so he could go out, and Dave came over with food that doesn't need to be refrigerated. Yesterday he brought me some noodles and veggies. We also went to the very crowded local diner once.

Yesterday, Tuesday Sonia came as usual and put me through my exercises, more than usual. I know I have to try to be strong enough to rise from my seat. She is wonderful. Just pitches in and tidies up everything. And yesterday was Laura's our oldest grandchild's birthday: 28. We left her a phone message.

Without TV Merwin and I have been doing a lot of reading, and he has read to me from the NYT and the New Yorker. He also has regaled me with memories of his childhood games on the street with the guys in Buffalo. We had no phone service and our cell phones were very shaky.

So now we're back. I am going to look at the email and try to answer everyone. Please let me know that you are safe and secure. Nick?

Love to all,
Bernice

Up, down and sideways

Above is my dear almost-daughter Dawn and below is the latest plague to hit, blotches on my thighs, both legs, front and back: do I feel a bit like Job? If anyone out there has any idea what this is, let me know. It stumped both my oncologist and dermatologist.

Dear Friends and Family,

I am not sure how long I can keep blogging. It's hard to type correctly, but I will go on as long as I can. It is, after all, the easiest way for me to communicate with my family and friends. Talking can be hard.

Hooray! We survived an earthquake, one strong enough to damage buildings (including the Washington Monument and Washington Catherdral spires). I was lying in bed, Merwin was reading to me, and all at once the bed began to move! No it wasn't Merwin; it was the earthquake. Above me, the hanging x-ray tube swayed back and forth, long after the bed stopped. So on with the TV where we found out the details, which you probably know too.

Florence and David dropped by with a lovely dish of mushrooms. They have been very busy with family, so it is really nice of them to spend some time with us. Thy didn't even notice the earthquake—she was in car and he was banging out music at home.

Dawn came over yesterday with food she had prepared, lovely salmon, salsa, mushrooms. I had a half a piece for supper and the rest for breakfast this morning. I asked her to take me to Caggiano’s. which she did happily. It's an easy place to shop and close to our house. She helped me into the store and then I could push the cart. I got 16 slices of fried eggplant from the deli counter and some other items from the fridge and freezer, about 6 in all. Fast in, fast out, and then I was ready to rest. Dawn helped me pack the eggplant slices for the freezer, and now I feel comfortably well stocked for easy, fast meals. The skirt Dawn is wearing so attractively is one I was happy to give her, one I have had for over 30 years: it's an antique! But on her it looks fresh and new.

This was Merwin's 2nd earthquake, my first. His was in L.A., and from where he was, in a hotel at 5 a.m. he felt the swaying, contacted the desk and asked: was that an earthquake: nonchalant answer: Yeah, probably, we have them all the time. No one else had stirred, so he started his shower. Urgent knocking at the door: Shelley, his partner. Earthquake, buildings down, the phone lines will be clogged. Shelley says that he called the office and told them to phone our wives to tell them "We are all right." So I bounced out of my class at Queens College and into the office to hear, “Bernice, there's a message for you: ‘your husband is all right.‘” My husband is all right! What's wrong?” We had a laugh about that later, but at the time, it was a little scary.

Today, I felt like tackling the Macbeth chapter, especially since Laury was stopping over. I want to make it a smashing lead to the next section. When the New Variorum Macbeth told me that my friend John Payne Collier had discovered the ms. with Simon Forman’s eye-witness account, my antennae went up. Could he? Did he? Laury came by just in time to check the Freemans’ book on Collier to see what they say. Nada. But how can anyone trust Collier about anything?

Funny dialogue: Merwin: let me help you get up the four steps to the bedroom.
Me. OK, push the bottom of my bottom.
He pushes, I rise, singing, “Your love is lifting me higher than I ever have been lifted before . . .
Merwin: stop, you're cracking me up.

And so we have our interludes of fun and games.

More anon,
Love,
Bernice

up a bit

Brian, eager eater at the top, digesting at the bottom, being fed by grandfather Elliott or grandmother Toby, who were babysitting in Boston.

Dear friends and family,

Better today. I am going for a CT-Scan of my chest this morning, and maybe something will be found to help me. Many loving friends have sent messages of concern and hope. Please don't worry about me. I am happy. Brian makes me smile from ear to ear.

The last two days were spent mostly in bed, watching movies. Dear Merwin made me a delicious dinner—noodles (prepared by Sonia for the week) with butter and cheese and pepper. Perfect. And he made his own dinner, with a little suggestion from me to spice it up—slices of French bread from the freezer from a batch I had made quite a while ago, with an egg on top. We enjoy each other's company. He's taken to reading to me, usually the Op-Ed columns, or something from The New Yorker. We recently enjoyed Stephen Greenblatt's essay there.

Dave always calls or stops by to see how I am. It's good to have him close by.

Many thanks to all; it is wonderful to know there are caring friends out there, and of course my family is ever present.

Love,
Bernice

sinking

My friends and colleagues in Prague, toasting me! Alan, Nick, Hardin.

Dear Friends and Family,

I am not sure how long I can continue the blog. My energy level is sinking. Merwin reminds me that I have had downs before, but this one does feel terminal. I am ready. In any case, I still love the flowers and trees around me. I try to go for a walk each day, a little one around the block, and I even climb up on my stationary bicycle and do a few slow minutes.

My news: On Monday, Hedda brought lunch, which turned out to be our supper too. On Tuesday the Dzens came over with pizza, from Abeetza Pizza. On Wednesday, Kathryn came with the sesame noodles I requested—a huge quantity enough for a week. Delicious. She went for a walk with me and also went to Kiraku to pick up our lunch; the restaurant mixed up our order and to Kathryn they didn't seem to be contrite. I mean to phone them to complain. The company is even more important than the meals—though the meals are certainly helpful in these days of low energy.

Sonia put me through my paces on Tuesday, a walk and exercises, then massage; same on Thursday. I don't know what I would do without her. She cheers me up and makes me feel stronger. She made a salmon loaf under my direction and got quite excited about it for herself. It's low fat, which is what she wants.

This was our recipe: Preheat oven to 350. Mix together 1 can of salmon, not drained, and 1 can of tuna, drained. Crumble thoroughly. Add 1/2 C of my homemade bread crumbs (more would have been better), 1/2 C of very finely cut onion, parsley from the freezer (could have used more), 2 eggs (1 egg might have been better), pepper. After blending all thoroughly to crush any lumps, pour into loaf pan and bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes. Check if the loaf is firm to the touch. If not yet firm, continue baking. Ours took 35-40 minutes in our little convection oven. Merwin and I like to eat it cold, sliced in sandwiches.

This is all I can say for now. I'll try to write again.

Love to all,
Bernice

Up and Down

This is a tiny photo of another branch of our family, on my father's side. You will need a magnifying glass to view it, I think.

Dear Friends and Family,,

My energy level just isn't good yet, so I will keep this short. Yesterday, in pouring rain, Dave went shopping for us again, and when he got to the house he not only tidied up the kitchen and washed the pots in the sink, but made us a delicious lunch, sauteed mushrooms with onions and garlic on ciabata roll, with sliced tomatoes. I ate too much; I must stop before I am full. Merwin stopped in time and ate the second half for dinner!

I rode for stationery bicycle for about 20 minutes: that made me feel good. Otherwise, I rested and even slept in the afternoon, a rarity.

I finished the prednizone, but do not feel the promised surge in energy, For the first time since Sonia taught how to get up from a seated position, I couldn't do it without Merwin's help. More practice needed. Enough of this.

Merwin and I had a lovely iChat with Michèle and Raymond, who just came back from a vacation in Perros, with visits from the children and grandchildren. We have lots to talk about and an hour goes by very quickly, So delightful to have this connection with our dear French. friends. The New Yorker had an article I enjoyed about Elisabeth Badinter, a French intellectual. I don't know if there is anyone similar in the USA. Merwin will be scanning and emailing this to them.

As usual, our sons weigh in. A pleasure to feel their closeness. Friends, too, call to offer help.

Love,
Bernice

Dave captured the crepe myrtle. I can see it from my bed.

Dear Friends and Family,

I know I have been lax about writing my blog. For days, I didn't feel up to it, and I don't want to write about my health only. But I am feeling better this morning than I have for a long time. On Monday, dear old friends, Phyllis, Annie and Pat, came with a big bag of take-out from Kiraku. I didn't feel up to going out, but I am always cheered by the love and kindness of friends. Annie brought some of her delicious oatmeal cookies and told us all about the new house she has bought and moved into. She wanted to be closer to her children. She had a lovely house, but it was far east in Long Island. Everyone but the dog is happy about the move. He had so much running room; now he is on a street with sidewalks.

I thought Merwin and I should try to see Dr. Janus, the pulmonologist, and we were squeezed into her tight schedule on Tuesday afternoon. It took hours, and fortunately Merwin set me up with portable oxygen. I seem to be oxygen dependent now. I hope not always. The good news is that the lungs sound clear. Whatever is bugging me is more probably a general virus, caught at the hospital. My thighs, front and back, have raised red blotches on them. A biopsy revealed nothing except it ruled out everything but a virus. Dr. Janus put me on a week of prednizone, promising that it would make me feel better within a few days: she was right.

On Tuesday, Sonia helped me do most of my exercises. Yesterday, too, I was feeling better when Sonia was here, and I worked alongside her in the kitchen. Barbara stopped over with good organic vegetables from her garden. Sonia had been preparing to make cheese pancakes, and I decided on a whim to add some of Barbara's spinach, which grows on a pole and thus is not a problem to wash quickly. The pancakes were quite good, but I intend to make spinach pancakes out of the remaining spinach, without any cottage cheese.

Many dear colleagues, especially Nick, write to me with news about our website hamletworks.org and general news. Harvey sent me a paper to look at and improve. No matter how I feel, I seem to be able to put on my English teacher's hat and make it better, at least a little.

I have my face turned toward NYC. I yearn to go there, and wonder how we can do it with the oxygen.

Love to all,
Bernice

Dear Friends and Family,

No photo again today; sorry. I need Merwin to capture the crepe myrtle before it sheds its flowers. On Wednesday Harris and Evelyn were kind enough to visit. We had lox and mini bagels on hand, and they were kind enough to bring dessert, fruit and pastries. I had to lie on the couch for a bit, but it was good having them here. The main thing is that for the first time I did a little of the prep and otherwise coached Merwin. He is not feeling great either: sciatica, it seems. He's going to a physical therapist.

Thursday, I did more with Sonia than I have been able to do since this new illness, whatever it is, causing the low oxygen. We walked around the short block, but I also did some exercises with her. Not many, just a few. I also was able to read one of the other essays in SQ—flimsy I believe next to mine, and by two of the members of the editorial board of SQ. How hard did they have to work to get their essay accepted? But OK. I want to focus on my own achievement: I read something other than a few paragraphs at a time in The New Yorker. This is a good sign.

Even better was Friday. I dressed for our First Friday lunch but heard from Gladys that only Ilona had phoned to say she was coming. She sounded irritated and didn't want to make it a threesome. So Ilona and I went to Kiraku. That was fun! I am greeted by all there with a Hello Bernice, how are you. The only possible answer is Fine. I was relieved actually, because I didn't know if I could be without oxygen for the time it would have taken at The Jolly Fisherman. So it was with relief that the plan was canceled. Kiraku is at the end of the block here.

After a rest, I went to get my nails done, below and above! That takes a little bit of a lift up the steep steps and into the high seat for a pedicure. Chinese people I believe have a special tenderness toward the old. A customer sitting next to me even lent a hand. I am grateful for the help of both strangers and friends.

Wow! a walk, a lunch out, a manicure and pedicure! Dave went shopping for us and brought mushroom caps with spinach and cheese for our supper. He also made a salad, lickety split: he's so fast, so handy. And does it so willingly. He'll be back today to do a little more cooking after a little more shopping.

Love,
Bernice

Catching up again

No photo today, sorry.

Dear Friends and Family,

Comments are coming in about my “At Sea” essay. which received pride of place (1st essay in the group) in the August issue of Shakespeare Quarterly, though I have to admit that the issue's guest editor did not have much to say about it: usually there would be a sentence or two or even a paragraph about each essay. I think I owe a lot to Mimi, the managing editor, who fought for my essay's placement in the issue. I am not going to keep on mentioning comments on my essay (if indeed there are any more).

Great piece on the Red Dragon, Bernice - I've also been working on this and have found other "Ambrose Gunthio" essays that are clearly by Collier! Well done. Jonathan.

The above is from "Sir Jonathan,” a Shakespearean of great renown. It's seems clear that he was on the same track and his prior publication could have precluded mine!

Dear Bernice, I read your article in SQ and I thought it was brilliant: fantastic research, clear and succinct presentation, and a really driving narrative - the last, not usually found in SQ, to my mind. And I loved the way you show how the trendy critics finesse the question of the account's authenticity - they need it too much to ask whether it's legitimate. And the pseudonym - good thinking.I enjoyed reading it so much - My hat is off to you!
OK, this is from a dear friend, a scholar in other fields, but I cherish her opinion.

I read your analysis of the Keeling incident in SQ. If you're correct--and I'm persuaded you are--many books, including my own, will need correcting.
This is from someone I have not met but whose work I know.

And on a more private note: Herb and I have had many many moments together, but this is what he wrote when he found out how ill I am. This memory of his goes back to the '80s.
You know, one of my favorite moments was dinner in Cambridge, Mass, with you, members of your family, Maurice, Bernie Beckerman, Sam Schoenbaum, Dick Levin. I was the only goy in the group. How proud I was to be there!
Be well! Love to you and Merwin, Herb.

I have been quite low physically. On Sunday, I was visited by beautiful Jessica, wife of Barry; Barry too, and Jessica's father, Jack, who looks young enough to be Jessica's husband. We just chatted at random. My cousin (part daughter) Sylvia came in and joined the conversation, and after the triplet party left, Dawn arrived, partly because she wanted to spend time with Sylvia. I had to rest in my bed a couple of times.

Monday, more rest, more Jane Austen. Tuesday I woke up with a rash that had started a few days before but now had spread across both thighs, front and back: no itching there. Harvey told me to talk to my oncologist, She kindly fitted us in, and from there we went to my skin doctor for a biopsy. I think it's just an infection because I am so weak.

I could not go to the writing group meeting, but Toby kindly stopped by and told me about all the readings.

Dave went shopping for us and also cooked some wild cod for our dinner. Very sweet of him. He is very helpful. We are lucky in all our children.

That's all, folks! This is tiring!

Love to all,
Bernice