Rosh Hashanah is upon us

I have so many photos right now, I could do a blog with photos alone! I will save some for after the holiday. At the top, Merwin ironing the many files from his water-logged cabinets. Next, Merwin, Michèle and I are relaxing outside a wonderful seaside place in Tregastel, Brittany, France, in 2003. Though I was already feeling the effects of the MPD that is now putting me down, I was able to do so much more than I can now. I have to admit I am happy with the memories and do not wish to travel any more. Raymond. below, is the one who takes the photos—we didn't even have a camera then—so we rarely get a photo of him. What a handsome guy! At the bottom is Tom, whom we have known since his birth, son of Dotty, our first Long Island neighbor: Tom's done very well as a valued member of the Glenwood Fire Department—and you can see he is quite a fisherman.

Dear Friends and Family,

I have been struggling with itching and hope to contact my oncologist soon for any advice. I am taking the Gabapentin, which is supposed to help, and Zyrtec, which I pop like candy—I don't know how many a day, but the itching continues: I am sitting here now with an itch on the foot, an itch on the shoulder, an itch on the belly—well, you get the idea.

My work has been enjoyable to me because it is easy to do, not quite mindless, but almost, and potentially useful to many. You would be amazed about facts that slip out of my head. And that makes the work go slowly, but when the work is done no one can tell that I agonized about a word missing from my head, trying to jog my memory. I would be ashamed to admit to what I forget! This is the work: José Ramón prepared a fantastic bibliography for the book edited by Sarah and Nathalie, which I mentioned a while ago (an essay of mine is included). JR has given me permission to use it on our website, and I am preparing it for that purpose. He tells me that he has more items to add to the list, which of course grows and grows, as new essays and books appear: Hamlet is the most written-about play in the canon. I hope JR adds and adds. Sarah and Nathalie say we cannot mount it on the site until they have the publisher's permission, which they expect will come in 3 months or so. That gives me lots of time to format it for the site. This will be part of the great information that is available on hamletworks.org.

With Sonia to help, on Tuesday I invented a new dish. I had an excess of carrots, so I had her grate quite a few in the Cuisinart and sauteed them in a little oil with onions and garlic until they were very soft, then added a can of the great tomatoes Dave gets for us: They are so much better than Hunt's. which used to be good but which are now hard as rocks from, I bet, excess preservative in the can. The brand is San Marzano (I believe: the label is hard to read), grown in the USA. The tomatoes are small and round and melt easily into the sauce. That was supper, poured over some of the weekly supply of noodles, with a plentiful addition of grated cheese. Sonia asked me where I got the recipe: no recipe, just what's on hand.

Merwin has finally completed his work of ironing and Don, the builder who built his study and mine in 1998, has been supervising the work of ripping out whatever did not survive the water damage: closet, vanity in the bathroom, and much much more. Merwin thinks many things can be saved: but no one else agrees. I offered to empty as many of my file drawers as he would need—and that seemed to satisfy him. I certainly don't need my files anymore. Also, since we plan to sell our NYC apartment in the spring, he can have the couch that is there.

I have not even gone downstairs to see his study and bathroom. I can imagine it well enough.

Our insurance nowhere near will cover our losses. But I think of all those who lost all their belongings as well as their homes and know that in comparison we are very very lucky.

The itching continues apace. I think I will take another Zyrtec and hope it puts me to sleep!

Love to all,
Bernice

Sonia is back!

Nathalie with a Shakespeare colleague, Sarah at far right, and their friend Victoria in the middle—all at the conference this past summer in Prague. Nathalie and Sarah became professors a few years ago, an arduous process in France, and they both work very hard.

Dear Friends an Family,

I met Sarah 9n 1999 when José Ramón (from U. of Málaga) organized with his most collegial colleagues the first ever international conference on screened Shakespeare. There were 5 keynote speeches, I believe, and JR invited me to give one. What an experience. The conference itself was in a lovely seaside resort, Belamádena, on the Mediterranean. Our days and nights were full of pleasures, camaraderie, good food (eaten very late), and scholarly enrichment. My talk was on the problems with Branagh's filmed version of Hamlet: the room was full of students from all over Spain and by Shakespeareans from all over the world—and the scholar who had worked with Branagh on the film. I am not going to get into why I found the film disappointing, after admiring very much Branagh's other films made before this one. But I do remember that a colleague from MIT said to me afterward that she thought I was a wonderful role model for all the young female students and scholars there because I had the nerve to criticize a film with the senior scholar who had worked with him in the audience. I had thought nothing of it. I was aware of the people in the front row, nodding vigorously in agreement with me.

The scholar got his revenge, whether purposely or not. We went on many bus trips—and he joined me on my seat the day of my talk. Trouble was that he had a miserable cold, and after traveling with him for an hour perhaps, I was sure to get it also. He may just have wanted to indicate to everyone on the bus that he had no hard feelings about my talk.

Sarah and I spoke often at the conference. She was absolutely wonderful because though she loved (and probably loves) Branagh's Hamlet, she was interested in my view as well. She is a bubbly, bright enthusiast. Such generosity of spirit. We saw her subsequently in Paris (10 years ago when Merwin and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary with our family in London and then spent a week in Paris where Sarah lives), and at conferences she and Nathalie organized in Rouen, where we were able to stay with our friends Michèle and Raymond. What lovely connections all around.

My friend Anne came yesterday to walk with me, and on the day before that, my friend Joan came but since walking looked dicey, we went to Bernard's for a salad, and then to my manicure shop. At last, nice clean nails!

Sonia returned today! I missed her greatly. Her calm presence is soothing, and she encourages me to do more than I might otherwise do. We did quite a lot of kitchen work as well: noodles cooked for the week, salad dressing made after a long hiatus, broccoli, lettuce. After a nice massage, I rested from the exertion. No chance of getting to the computer: I needed a long rest—though eventually I got around to organizing some dresser drawers: Does anyone need 500 t-shirts? I don't think so. Laury came over, and we chatted about our work together, but she also went with me on a second walk and helped me with some clothes issues. I had brought some of my leggings from 4E where I don't need them anymore, and asked Laury to see if Elyssa, her beautiful daughter, would like them. Laury is going to find out if someone who is studying medieval literature might want to take some books.

Don, the builder who worked on our addition, came to see the damage in Merwin's study. (Merwin's beautiful rug, by the way, got a thorough cleaning and looks great.) Don will be here tomorrow to pull down whatever cannot be salvaged. It looks like a LOT of work needs to be done. I stay upstairs: ignorance is bliss. Merwin spends a large amount of time working on his damaged files, sitting and ironing at the kitchen table. {He asked me if, while he was ironing, I would like him to iron our place mats, which had come out of the dryer: I never iron them, but OK, why not?)

On the fly, I invented a dish for dinner tonight, starting about 5:45. Sauteed red pepper pieces, onion, and garlic till soft, added enough noodles from the week's supply for 2 servings, blue cheese crumbled, mild Monterrey Jack (these cheeses were gifts from visitors), a little cottage cheese left over, plus veggie meatballs. Covered to blend flavors and melt the cheese. Very nice. Merwin liked it.

Last night, the Writing Group, all 9 of us, met at Kiraku and then convened in our dining room to read papers. Not everyone read, but we heard some surprisingly revealing words and photos about Anna's love of costumes for Halloween. I dashed into the laundry room and got Eve's purple wig (nice and clean) to give to Anna for some occasion or another. I am trying to dispose of things. Kathryn read a most beautifully crafted piece about a mystery series. I must get the name and information. Toby read her piece she had written for her 50th Boston Latin School reunion. Joe read a polished version of a scene from his book in progress. Jay wrote about teaching strategies he's using. Barbara wrote one of her probing pieces about Ruby, a girl in a very small Missouri town. I read something I had written in 1982 about why I am hooked on Hamlet: not too much has changed.

I can't believe I am still sitting at the computer! I now have a reasonably comfortable set up. I sit on a rollator, which I can lock in place. My feet are on a low stool under the desk. Not quite good enough because my feel are now burning. But an improvement over the last setup.

Love to all,
Bernice

Back from NYC

One of Lincoln's many activities is building or commissioning costumes and, with a group of like-minded folks, entertaining seniors in nursing homes and children in hospitals, participating in parades, etc. Lincoln in the bottom photo is the dramatic fellow with his left arm raised.

Dear Friends and Family,

Merwin and I went to our apartment in the City this weekend! Hooray! Yes, I was tired, but I was energized by being there, by visits from our granddaughter Michelle and our friend Rick—both of whom came after my two-hour nap! We went to an Indian Restaurant around the corner, less popular than the Chinese restaurant on the same block that we like a lot. But we knew we have to wait for seats there and not at the other. The downside is the 3 steps leading to the dining room—steep, without a railing. Rick and the host practically had to carry me down. A plus was that we decided to take the rollater (walker with wheels), which made it easier for me to get around, much faster than the cane. I had my favorite, Sag Paneer (spinach and firm cottage chese). The Nan was great. Very pleasant. But then there comes a moment when I realize it's over. Unfortunately, in spite of the fatigue, I had to get up those stairs (with Rick's help) and back to the apartment, where I went right to bed. But since it was early, Merwin read to me until it was time to go to sleep.

I slept well, but when I tried to get out of bed at about 7 a.m. this morning, I could not move without pain. It was a new thing, a back pain, no matter which way I turned, but eventually the pain disappeared and I was able to get up. Who knows how this body works?

By the way, this first view of the apartment in a couple of months was a deep pleasure. Michelle and Isabel had left it very neat and clean. I kept on looking around at the art, the mirrors, the rugs and felt we had done a great job, a very satisfying space to be in. We also went for a walk in Bryant Park, using the rollater and avoiding steps. Lovely to be there.

When we came home, I noted the arrival of the book that Sarah and Natalie had put together as they do every two years celebrating their conferences and the papers presented. I did not attend the conference on Hamlet, but they were kind enough to invite me to write a paper, and they included it. I like my essay quite a bit. I am happy when I can write an essay that I enjoy. It's on three Hallmark versions of Hamlet, the latest being from 2000, directed by and starring Scott Campbell. No one has, I think, written about that film/TV production sympathetically.

We returned to Glen Head in mid-afternoon. I already had our meal prepared before we left for the City, so no prep required.

I tried to do some exercises today, but I miss Sonia greatly. She won't be here again till Thursday.

Merwin is talking to Arthur, so I will go now,

Love to all,
Bernice

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Disappearing Act!

From the top, Salvador, who lives with his mother, Lori, in Peru, visited in shifts by our friends, grandparents Rhoda and Mark; Paul and Justine in Paris; grandchildren of our dear friends Michèle and Raymond; and finally, the only grandchildren we have met! They are Rafaella, Noemi and Shayna, the children of Josh and (a different) Lori.

Dear Friends and Family,

I wrote a blog today but somehow lost it: the mysteries of blogging! I suspect it is somewhere in the vapor, and perhaps even accessible, if I knew what I was doing. Dave is here to help Merwin with the pumps downstairs (Hurricane Irene is still with us in spirit!). Perhaps he can find the other blog.

I have finally cleared off a space for the computer to move to the other desk. I cannot say I have looked at every sheet of paper—something I had wanted t do. Once the computer is moved, I will be able to get my feet up and avoid the pain and tingles. And perhaps I will continue to go through the papers. Perhaps. Help would be nice, but what a lame job to ask anyone to do. That is, to read names of writers of various items, xeroxes and such while I check the website to see where they belong.

We have had a plethora of inconveniences, in addition to the residue of Irene. Our TV went dark, mostly, leaving us with only a few channels. No movies, no 24 hour news channels. We had to watch the Senate meetings or nothing. Not that listening to our Senators is uninteresting in the abstract sense, but in the concrete, listening to these people can be tedious and bewildering. When Republican after Republican gets the floor to speak about the pros of doing something—and no democrats do—I am suspicious, though I cannot say what is wrong with the idea. Then 61 Senators voted for a measure I approved, yet the proposal seemed to need yet another vote. Why? The other inconvenience was I think a first: no NY Times. Yikes! It'll come tomorrow.

I had a visit today from Doris, and I whipped up some macaroni and tuna fish for our lunch. Sonia makes a lb for a week's use for various. Easy. Add some canned tuna, celery chopped up, onion, mayonnaise, capers. We all enjoyed it. Doris took me for my walk (I think it lasts about 10 minutes, including frequent stops), and then I collapsed on the couch. Doris say that she should leave at that point, but it was a good time for her too. I miss Sonia, who was not here today.

Later, Laury came over and read my chapter on Ninagawa's Macbeth while I rested on the study couch. She wanted to compare the version she saw at the library with what I wrote. We now think she may have seen the second version, which I also saw but did not write about.

Now Dave is here, and he cannot solve the problem of my lost blog, and he wants to chat, so I will say goodnight!

Love to all,
Bernice





We have had a couple of inconveniences these days.

Oh my goodness!

At Harvey and Sandy's house with no electricity because of the hurricane. Looks nice, of course. On the left of Sandy, her father, Murray and to her right, her brother Lawrence. Harvey is opposite her. Looks cozy enough. They had all gone to a wedding on Long Island and raced home to beat the hurricane.

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry to have been silent for so long. Some of my readers have been worried about me. My only problem is my feet, which are numb and yet, strangely, also burn. I have had trouble using my laptop because my lap still has those lesions on my thighs, now diminishing. And sitting at the regular computer with my legs down is uncomfortable. It has a bar across the leg space so that a foot rest is not possible. We are making adjustments. No. 1: move the computer to the larger desk next to my computer desk. I will have to avoid the early morning hours, when sun streams onto that desk from a skylight but the sun will not be a problem because I no longer work from dawn to dusk. I can work in the midday. No. 2. Clear off the big desk so I can work there. Get RID of THINGS I haven't looked at it in many years. No. 3. Find some place to put the things I do want.

And I get distracted. I decided that the photos all over the study, including those on the two desks, could just as well go onto shelves in my bedroom, but first I had to remove books from the shelves. But after filling two plastic bags with books and managing to place only one photo in that space, I decided this was a no-win situation. When the writing group, Laury or anyone else comes by, I will ask them to look at the items in the two plastic bags and also on the shelves—and please TAKE! Yes, all the books are precious to me, and yes, they still have meaning for me, but I think I have to be satisfied with the mental picture. All this took me far from clearing the desk to my left as I type this. It will be a while till I can ask Merwin to move my computer there. And so it goes.

I find that if I push myself, or something pushes me, I feel much better. I am short of breath, but I am trying to work through it. Sonia won't be back here till next Thursday because she is spending a week with her husband's extended family in Canada, for a wedding. Most of all, aside from her company, which I enjoy so much, she pushes me and makes it possible for me to do my exercises, working against the weight she administers.

Signs of getting better: I have done some cooking, yesterday I made potato curry. Also, I have been going out more. Barbara came by after her classes on the 7th, and we had lunch together at Kiraku. I didn't write anything on the calendar for the 8th. On the 9th I pulled myself together, Merwin drove me to the Jolly Fisherman for about 3/4 of the Friday lunch session. I used the rolator for the long walk to the table, with Ilona's help: she happened o arrive just as I did. Walking with just the cane is no longer as steady as it was. That's OK. I will go from cane, to rolator, to wheelchair if that's necessary. I see many people doing this, and I will do it with a smile as they do.

On Friday I phoned Dr. K to tell her my ankles were swollen, though they had gotten better since the day before. She told me to come right in—after office hours, to check for cellulitis, which turned out to be negative. She told me she wants to see me once a month. I thought that since the bloods were drawn at home and the report was sent to her (and us) the next day, she didn't need to see me. Last month, it would have been hard for me to be in the car that long. Now I can do it, I guess. This Friday I had two outings in one day.

Saturday, Harvey and Sandy visited and took us to lunch at MP Taverna in Roslyn. That was a bit much—15 minutes driving each way and then over an hour in the restaurant. I was too tired afterward, but it was very nice, and I did recuperate quickly. They left for a party back in CT, so I could take to my bed. I like to keep chugging as long as I can and not a moment longer, but the end sometimes comes on pretty quickly. The time I allotted for the Jolly Fisherman had been just right (having the waiter pack my Orange Rouphy and my Boston Cream Pie dessert, both of which Merwin and I shared at another meal) because I collapsed into bed right after we got home—but not before! Sunday, Sylvia came with deli goodies for Merwin. She and I went for the de riguer walk and then she drove us to Rothcamps and to Youngs farms. She had just returned from Israel a day or so before and needed lots of vegetables. I was able to get some nice tomatoes and cucumbers. I did not linger. When we returned to #70, I went straight to bed and slept for two hours! That was a surprise. No matter how tired I feel, I rarely sleep during the day. Then I was energized in the evening—to make supper for Merwin and do some reading.

On Monday, big treat: Kathryn and Antonio came to visit and take us to lunch (at Kiraku, of course). Antonio is Kathryn's significant other, who lives in Trieste. He visits her; she visits him, and they have what looks like from the outside an ideal relationship. He was here for only a few days, perhaps eight, and they have many friends here—as well as Kathryn's sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren to occupy their time.

I better stop now. I have caught you up on the entire week, I think.

Love to all,
Bernice

Doing more

A recent ad in TLS for Eric's book on the storied (as he shows) First Folio and also the series he worked on with Jonathan Bate. How brilliant his career has been; I knew it when I asked him to join Nick, Hardin and me in creating the New Variorum Hamlet project. He had a temporary job, then, but his future was clear to many, including me. Come back, Eric!
E's beautiful family this summer in Vermont. I have never met the family, but have heard about
them over the years.

Dear friends and family,

I love it when the families of friends, especially fellow Shakespeare, become part of our lives. We had the pleasure of meeting Eric's wife and his children, visiting their beautiful homes in Orinda and London; I am sorry we no longer see them all. We enjoy the friendship of Jesús and his extended family: we've been in Spain; they've been here—of the Willems and, by proxy, their children and grandchildren—of Nick and his wife Chrissy, so hospitable to us in Vermont—to Hardin and Amy, whom we have enjoyed seeing in many venues. And that's just part of the New Variorum connection. There are so many more, the thought of whom bring a smile to my face.

In spite of difficulties.

We found from my CT-Scan that my lungs had been invaded by

Extramedullary hematopoiesis, as Wikipedia describes it “a condition frequently associated with pathologic processes. For example, it can be caused by myelofibrosis,” which is what I have. As I understand it, my body, both the red circle blotches on my legs (and arms) and this development in my lungs, is trying very hard to compensate for my bone marrow's failures. Breathing is hard.

But I have more energy to do things; I made spinach pancakes this morning. Sat on my red stool chair at the counter, chopped fresh spinach, mixed in eggs and egg whites to completely moisten and more, and about 1/2 C grated Gruyere cheese to absorb some of the egg. I made pancakes until all the spinach was used up. I have not been able to do such a chore for about a month, since returning from the hospital with the infection I caught there. But my plan to move on to hamletworks.org is frustrated by the fatigue caused most likely by my breathing problem. I am heartened by the fact that at least I want to turn to the works on my desk, ignored for so long. Tomorrow I need not cook anything (the fridge is full), and will try to do some NV work.

Yesterday, Merwin and Laury went to see "War Horse," the highly esteemed play at Lincoln Center. When I ordered the tickets, I was feeling up to such a jaunt, but not now. I need to be close to home. It's quite lovely that I enjoy their pleasure in the outing without feeling at all that I have missed something important. I was kept company for a while by my dear friend Phyllis, who took me for my walk: I dare not go alone around my little block; I am too shaky on my feet to do that. So I depend on the kindness of friends whom I commandeer to accompany me. Merwin can't do it because my pace makes his bad hip hurt.

On Friday, Cantor Eric came to visit. He accompanied me happily on my walk and then chatted with me (and Merwin when he arrived from his long walk at the water side) until I became too tired. I now sit with company in the living room, close to my bedroom, and, when I need to, I retreat.

Politics are still fascinating to me—and I enjoy Book TV and other programs on C-Span2. Merwin reads to me while I rest.

And so it goes. Ups and downs, mostly the inevitable slide. But I am still smiling. Daytime is good. Thinking of all of you is good.

Love to all,

Bernice