Memorial Day

What a family! Our dear friend Sophie, her husband Brendan, who used to live across the street from us (and thereby hangs a tale!), and their three adorable, well behaved, bright girls: Gracie, 9; Katie, 7; and Sara 5.

Dear Family and Friends,

It's been quiet weekend for us, but we did have dinner at the Lavins' beautiful house in nearby Lattingtown yesterday. Siohie says I taught her to make gazpacho, but of course she has added her own touches. She is just coming down from a very tough semester: three grad courses at Stony Brook, conference papers to write, work for NEMLA (Northeast Modern Language Association), for which she is an officer, and of course all her home responsibilities. She thrives on this schedule, but perhaps just a little less would be helpful. Now she and family are off to Ireland for a while, then she takes a break to go to the Huntington to present a paper, then a month or so in Paris. Not a bad life.

Tonight we had dinner at the Wild Fig with Laury. She still has a little over three weeks before her semester ends, and she has a multitude of responsibilities, but soon we will be able to work on the Macbeth chapter. She dropped off tonight our Measure for Measure with the copy-editor's suggestions. I have to go over these pages—as soon as I finish my proofs for my two essays. I know it sounds as if I do a lot of work, but it isn't so: I do a little bit, then go lie down and rest. I try to take a walk every day: yesterday with Vivian, today by myself. I have to admit that it's getting harder and harder. But I will keep trucking along.

Short one today,
Love,
Bernice

nothing Much New

Above is the 2003 Honda that Arthur sold for us. He did a great job, and we are so pleased. Below is the father who bought the car as a surprise for his son who graduated this week. And they are so pleased. The Dad fixed a blemish on the front fender, and the car looks great. How nice to know that the car made so many people happy.

Dear Friends and Family,

Not much to report. The same routine: trying to correct the proofs of my essay for SQ. I am a little disappointed that some things I had corrected in the last go-around are still there. I hope it gets corrected on this last time around. I am correcting pages as they will appear in the journal, illustrations and all. It's fun to see it.

I also have the proofs from my Shakespeare Survey essay, but I dread looking at them. I know there will be lots of things wrong because the editor wanted to change things, and because I was rather sick at the time, I gave him permission to make the changes (one being quoting from the Wells and Taylor edition of Hamlet rather than from my own Enfolded edition). I lose the point of my discussion with the Enfolded edition not there for readers to see.

All this proofing will be done this weekend. We have no special plans for the holiday, except we're hoping to see Sophie and Brendan on Sunday.

Dr. K called us on Thursday evening. She is calm and has a calming effect. I am to increase my Hydrea from 2 to 3 pills a day. She seems to think this will reduce the spleen size. We sent all the reports to Dr. M., and after the holiday we will talk to him as well. The pain persists, and it is a little hard to sit on the recliner, but I find I can sit at the big computer more easily. Tylenol still is sufficient to keep the pain at bay.

Dawn visited, and we had a fun time. She took me to our Glen Head Pharmacy, where I bought a gift for a young couple. Actually, it is what our gift will go into for mailing. We also went to the little bakery where we sampled delicious pecan bars and shared a smoothy. I had hustled up a dish for her in case she was hungry. It was a great success and took about 10 minutes to put together from things I had around:

Here's the cheesy-eggy dish I made on Thursday:
1/2 lb cottage cheese.
Add to cheese container about 2 tablespoons of flour to thicken the cheese
Add a pinch of baking powder
Beat in two eggs (this was all in the container the cottage cheese came in)

Line a small casserole with apples slices (peeled)
pour in the cheese mixture
Top with another layer of apple slices
sprinkle with juice of a quarter of a lemon
Bake at 350 until puffed and lightly brown on top. I have a convection toaster oven, so it bakes pretty quickly.

Eat hot, warm, cool, or cold. We all liked it.

Yesterday Florence stopped by with a rhubarb compote; that would be a great sauce for my cheesy thing. Friends and family phoned. I am blessed in all my dear ones. Their tender attentions nourish me.

More anon,

Love to all,
Bernice

Rush of Events

Another photo of our visit to Vaughan in 1970, showing Lincoln. I am sitting with a couple of Vaughan's friends. Her specialty has been, among other subjects, photographing disconnects, people who are with each other but not with each other. I have one of my favorites of this series, a photo of (as it happens) four of Vaughan's relatives (mother and aunts), all in the same room, none connecting with each other.

Dear Friends and Family,

Because of the MRI I had Tuesday, I didn't do much at all. It took hours. I had the scan because I have begun to experience pain. Not a lot: two Tylenol take care of it for the most part. I asked Harvey to get the report: no surprises there: my spleen is huge and so is my liver. The former squeezes the small and large intestines. What's to be done? Maybe Dr. M.’s promised drug trial will help.

In the meantime there has been a flurry of activity. I have proofs of "At Sea" to approve, as well as proofs of an essay I wrote a few years ago coming in a day or two from Shakespeare Survey to correct. I don't mind this work in general, but I am having trouble sitting on the recliner with my computer in my lap for any length of time. I will try sitting at the big computer: it may be easier.

We had a brief iChat with Michèle and Raymond yesterday, actually, my chat was brief, but Merwin wiled away the tedious time for his water-drinking chore before he goes to radiation with a longer chat with Raymond. I had a chance to look at him as he happily engaged in our conversation: he looked serene and happy. A lovely sight.

Merwin harvested two long asparagus stems from our back yard and I cooked them lightly to go with his dinner. He is appreciative of every single thing I do for him—as I am for all he does for me.

I have been admiring all our flowers, but the other day as Dave and I walked through the front garden, he pointed out all the diseases apparent. So the flowers for all I know may be experiencing a last hurrah! Strange how good and bad are so mixed.

I do believe that good sometimes comes from bad. Small example. My TV went crazy, none of my usual channels worked, so I searched around and found channel 79, CSpan, and listened to some wonderful speeches without any commercial breaks. Just now, that Ryan fellow is on, and I have heard enough from him. He is so wrong. I am hopeful that like the special election in Buffalo, the Democrats will take advantage of the backlash against the Ryan plan, which will yield a Congress that can work with not against Obama. Be canny, Democrats! I am sorry I cannot be part of the struggle to turn things around so Obama can accomplish what he wants to do. The days are over of manning telephone banks and traveling to go door to door with Planned Parenthood.

Can't sit any longer, will try again tomorrow.

Love to all,

Bernice

More news today

This is Merwin and me about 1970, our first visit to Vaughan after she and her family moved from Glen Head to a gorgeous half-mansion in California. We took our son Lincoln with us, then about 10.

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday was a busy day. I didn't have time to mope around. Laury came over to take another walk with me, but my plans for a session with her on Macbeth did not work, because I was too tired, and I needed to rest for Michelle's arrival at 3:30. It was a joy to be with our dear granddaughter, to hear her woes and sorrows as well as her ideas about any number of things. As planned, we made salad dressing, which turned out better than almost any other time I have made it. Also potato chips, which turned out to be just excellent cooked potatoes in small pieces. They were not chips. Michelle reminded me that when I had made them at their house during Passover I used a boxy steel grater and cut chips using the big opening and laid each chip on an oiled cookie sheet, with no overlaps, and then baked them till them were brown and crisp. Oh, well, another time for that.

Dave went shopping for us today. He does well, but he misunderstood "small" eggplant and got one about 2" tall. It doesn't matter; I will use it anyway.

Laury asked our colleague Harry to write a blurb, as requested by our publisher, for our Measure for Measure edition. This is what he wrote:

Kliman and Magnus make reading Measure for Measure an adventure by emphasizing, rather than trying to resolve, its notorious difficulties. Instead of proposing one “reading” to foreclose other readings, they equip readers to probe and relish the play’s interpretive richness by referencing actual productions and performance issues. It’s an intellectually rigorous but stimulating strategy that both empowers readers and releases their imaginations.

Isn't that nice? We are proud of our edition.

Now that the semester is almost over, I've been trying to get in touch with people who have been busy with their work—among them Dawn, Rick, Sophie (our three "children"); Sophie has come up for a breath of air, and proposes a Sunday dinner out if they can get a sitter, or a visit by us to them. We'll do one or the other on Sunday.

Son Harvey sent me a draft of a piece he's written by invitation; I enjoy editing for him. He does wonderful work, taking a leap from speculation to understanding. It's been graduation weekend at Yale. and he and Sandy had the great pleasure of having Starry and her family staying with them for the full weekend of activities. Starry and Walter's son Jordy graduated today: it seems remarkable. It was such a short time ago that he arrived at Yale. Soon he will be off to UCLA for a PhD in an esoteric (to me) branch of math. Ours is a multigenerational friendship. Starry is the daughter of my friend Sandy, who died much too young.

Off now to watch the Lehrer report! What a world!

Love to all,
Bernice

Skip this one if you want real news

I may have already included this photo. It shows only about half the huge bush, which was here when we moved into the house in 1959. As the green leaves emerge they push away the flowers, but there is a constant flow of new blooms elsewhere in the garden. The rhododendron is in full bloom now. You can also see, above, the railing we had installed to make walking up the short path easier for me and others. It needs a small repair, but true to form, the fabricator, having been paid in full does not show up—though he promises to.


Dear Friends and Family,

Margaret, our lively cleaner, is here today. She is sweet to look at, and a pleasure to have around, unlike the cleaning service we had before her. I asked her to do my bathroom last today because I am not feeling up to much and like to rest in my chair or bed when I feel punky.

Yesterday, Laury dropped by and accompanied we on a long walk (for me), up hill and down dale in the neighborhood. We rang the bell at Florence's house, but she wasn't home. Afterward, I suggested that once she was finished with her trimester we start on our chapter on Macbeth, which is not due till next summer. I'd like to get it done this summer for obvious reasons. I read her a couple of introductory paragraphs I had already written, and she was very very enthusiastic about them. Hooray! What a great affirmation. I sent her almost all the files I had gathered for our work on the chapter, and we will discuss who does what. I am depending on her to view and write about the videos at the Lincoln Center TOFT (Theater on Film and Tape) Collection. They have about 8 versions, not available anywhere else. Today we will discuss the overall pattern.

Also today, our granddaughter Michelle will be here for the late afternoon and evening. I am thinking of making with her help my salad dressing and also the potato chips I used to make at her parents' house for Passover, thinly sliced potatoes baked in a lightly greased pan in the oven until they brown and curl. They will accompany chicken for her and Merwin and something vegetarian for me. I made a mushroom-cheese omelet for our Sunday breakfast, and leftovers will do for me.

The pain in my lower abdomen is something I have to deal with. Harvey thinks it is my spleen (which is huge) pressing against my intestines. He strongly objects to the idea of a hi-colonic, which I thought might give me some relief. No. Too dangerous for me, he says. I will cope with it. So far, Tylenol is working and avoiding a seated position for very long helps also.

We had a beautiful day yesterday, sunny and warm. We spoke to our friends Michèle and Raymond via iChat, but the reception was poor so we will try again later in the week. Merwin went to bis book group, and I watched silly movies that I hope to forget soon.

Love,
Bernice

Catching up

This is our dear friend Michèle, with a backdrop of Greece where she and her husband Raymond spent about a week on vacation. It is amazing how much we miss them when they are away; Merwin especially is in constant contact with Raymond: they share a passion for music, especially collecting it and listening to it. Michèle and Raymond, both Shakespeareans from Rouen, France, are one of the gifts of hamletworks.org. A mutual colleague recommended Michèle to write the essay on Hamlet in France for the web site—which she did. You can see it and read it if you go to the Global section of the site. Since we met, we have visited and traveled with them in France several times, and they have been here too. iChat and email are now our means of communication.


Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, and I haven't written because sitting is a bit painful. On Tuesday, I did not feel well: I thought a cold was coming on, and perhaps it was, but I wapped it in the usual way: Echinacea and Cold-Eze. Symptoms disappeared (runny nose, headache), but I did not feel well. Sonia did a lot of kitchen work for us and then gave me a massage and told me to go to sleep. She left early, but she more than made it up on Thursday. We went for a walk along the Sycamore path at Tappen beach, and she marveled at the rising of the tide, quite visible as we returned from the end point. I love seeing things through her enthusiastic eyes. Then we went to Rising Tide so I could buy some vegetarian meatballs, which seem to work well here and then in our menus, and she wanted some pesto to use for a recipe she had seen on TV—salmon with a topping of pesto, sealed in aluminum foil. But I also gave her recipes for basil pesto and for parsley pesto (not as good but passable when basil is unavailable). She has a new Cuisinart and will enjoy making this simple recipe.

We like pesto very much: I have forgotten about it, like many other staples of our diet. The first year ever that we planted basil, we had a bumper crop of the most delicious basil we ever had before or since. Who knows why. I made pesto and froze it—enough for a whole year of pesto and spaghetti.

I feel that I have to push myself, whether I want to or not. I returned from a neighborhood walk that was a little hard for me today, but I labored on, stopping as each car approached to make sure I was well to the side. I noticed activity at many houses—gardening, adding, spiffing things up: the neighborhood does indeed shine. I noticed a huge dead mouse-colored frog and wondering where it came from. Before the walk, I prepared a farmer's cheese and egg casserole with apple slices bottom and top. It's a recipe I often make for brunch parties, but I suppose it can work any time.

My blood report came on Wed. with a worrisome rise in the white blood cells. Mine have been high for ages. They are supposed to be 4-11. Mine this week were 163; last week they were 128. So my doctor told me to add more chemo, the Hydroxy Urea I take, 1500 instead of 1000. OK. But the WBC rise does not account for this pain below my belly. And for once my platelet count was pretty good. More HU will bring it down.

The worst thing about this pain is that it limits my time at the computer. I want to work! I got a good reference from a star performance critic and entered it in the alphabib (as I call it) and in one of my colleague's page. I enjoyed that very much. Though I make many mistakes, our web master Jeffery has arranged things so that corrections are fairly easy. Onward!

Love to all,
Bernice

My friend Vaughan's Passover table. I admire the way the small group has all the fittings for the event.

Dear Friends and Family,

Perhaps it's time for a health update. I heard from Dr. M that the trial he has in mind for me will begin perhaps in a month. OK, I guess I can wait, especially since I have no choice. And with Merwin's Mon-Fri radiation till June 20th, it probably is a good idea to wait. And the drug may not do anything anyway. It's a stage one, to figure out the dose.

I am very proud of myself this morning because after going down to the floor to pick up pills I dropped, I was able to figure out a way to get up. I forget that going down is not a good idea. I slid on my tush over to my bed pillow and used it to kneel so I could pull myself up using the bed. The last time I forgot that knees are not possible, I had to be lifted up.

Otherwise, I would say things are worsening in that my huge spleen has begun to be painful and there is an area below the spleen that is painful too, making sitting uncomfortable. I fear the pain stage of this illness. But I will do the best I can—with the help of Tylenol or even stronger meds.

Our garden continues to delight us. Merwin yesterday showed me a volunteer Japanese dogwood right outside the rear window of my bedroom, just beginning to bloom. Other plants, that looked dead, have begun to burst into bloom. Merwin has almost finished planting his flowers in his special plot. He saves the tubers over the winter and then plants them in the spring.

The concert on Sunday was wonderful—The Pacifica Quartet, now the quartet in residence at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. They played two familiar pieces and one not so familiar: Beethoven's Quartet A Major Op. 18, no 5—if that means anything to you. The next piece was by Shostakovitch, Quartet No. 8 in C minor, Op 110, a rather lugubrious piece. After the intermission, Dvorak's Quintet in A Major, Op 81, for which the host of the Hillwood Concert series joined at the piano.

I made a successful chicken dish for Merwin: I marinated chicken in a mix of light soy sauce, mustard, rice vinegar, honey, and melted onion and garlic and baked them at 315 for a little over an hour. Merwin came home early from radiation yesterday, so he caught me a little off guard, but with the chicken done I could whip up the rest of the meal: lima beans, celery sticks, a roll.

Monday was quiet. I did not exercise, but I did finalize my "Who Hears" essay for Laury's book. I notice that if I have a particular scholarly task to do I go at it eagerly. Mostly I vegetated. Today Sonia will be here, and she will put me through my paces.

Love to all,
Bernice

Much to tell

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Above are some of the tiny white flowers in our front yard. The cycle of flowering and shedding continues, too many items to mention. Below is my dear friend Vaughan in a pool, enjoying a day with her daughters and granddaughters in Southern California where she now lives. Her birthday is just about 6 weeks before mine, same year.

Dear Friends and Family,

Continuing about our weekend: when we returned from Salmon River, we noticed that there was a line of people extending from the front door of the NYPL, down the steps, around 40th Street as far as we could see—at least to the end of our block and perhaps more. It turned out to be an event at the NYPL, a ball or something. The next day, after rejecting the Morgan Library after all because the shows there did not seem too appealing, we decided to go to the exhibits at the NYPL. We planned to ask for a wheelchair for me. The guard told us that the party-goers or the breakdown crew had broken both elevators. She walked upstairs to get us the exhibit booklets so we could see if it would be worth taking the stairs (2 flights to the first floor), and another guard encouraged us to go, as did another library worker. "You can do it. Go slowly." I am supposed to climb stairs as part of my exercise regimen, so up we went. Ironically, our home elevators at #32 were not working on Sunday (more about that later), as well as the escalator at the 32nd St. entrance to Penn Station. How come all these broken systems happened in one short weekend?

The show was a celebration of the library's 100th birthday—and later we found out that this is also the 100th birthday of the Penn Station that was. Coincidence? The library's great donor ’s grand plan was to provide free service to all, and it has grown into a magnificent facility, besides being very beautiful, walls, ceilings, fittings and all. It was inaugurated on 23 May 1911 and has recently been restored to its original lustre. We went through that process, watching from our apartment as scaffolding went up on dingy facades and came down to reveal the clean marble. We didn't know that it was all headed for this event. If you can get to the library, do so to see it and the exhibit, which shows many treasures of all sorts. I was taken by a reel of film of dancers from the past, including faded images of Martha Graham. How insightful to collect such art. Our visit, however, was cut short. Merwin has trouble at museums because walking slowly and stopping frequently makes his hip hurt. Walking fast does not bother him, but that's not possible at an exhibit, or when he is giving me his arm. And of course I am not much better at exhibits. We will have to cross such things off our list. There is a lot in NYC besides museums and exhibits.

We had had breakfast and lunch in the apartment, especially easy since Zeytinz, our dear convenience store practically at our building's front door, is open for the present on Saturdays. I am not sure how long that will last. People right across the street at Bryant Park could benefit from the delicious sushi rolls and good selection of fruits and vegetables, among many prepared foods. Now that the empty Gibbs secretarial school down the block has been replaced by a NYC Community College, there will be more people looking for food, but will they even notice Zeytinz further down the block towards 5th Avenue? I feel like starting a campaign, beginning with our own building of about 100 apartments.

We met our next door neighbor, Claudia, 4F, who seemed very nice indeed. We are happy to have a pleasant person there, though to be sure there is little interaction among owners, except at meetings. Her apartment has a bedroom and a separate kitchen with a window.

Michelle, one of our granddaughters, came to visit for an hour. she had been volunteering for a young children's theatrical program: the kids write plays, and chosen one are produced. Michelle does anything necessary. This is on a day off from her regular job, which keeps her busy from 9-8 or later. Soon after, she left for her planned evening activities, and we contacted her twin sister Rachael, who wanted to join us for dinner after she went home to shower and wash her hair (that means blow-drying too). We met at Szechuan Gourmet at 8:00. We enjoy talking to these young woman very much; we like hearing about their work and its ups and downs; their plans and frustrations.

The next day, we met Kathryn for breakfast at Le Pain Quotidian, a restaurant down the block from us—a very nice if weird place. It's all organic. They serve soft boiled eggs, which Merwin loves, especially when the yoke is runny, but no omelets or fried eggs. No meat, I believe. I had their vegetable quiche, which is very tasty. Kathryn insisted on treating us for no special reason at all, and I cannot argue with Kathryn. She showed us photos of her three young grandchildren, Henry, Analise, and Vivian. Now that she has retired, she has time to enjoy them all, though I must say that her schedule of concerts, ballet, political events, etc. would daunt most of us, retirement or not. She will leave for Italy and Antonio the day after our next writing group.

After breakfast, we dashed back to apartment to pick up our bags to take home, including my leftover eggplant from Szechuan Gourmet. That's when Merwin had to walk up and down the 4 flights of stairs, and we were late for the train we had wanted so we could have some breathing time before our Hillwood concert at 3 p.m. We left home in Glen Head at 2:45 and were in our seats at Hillwood at 2:55. I was exhausted by that time but enjoyed the concert anyway.

Lazy day today: I will continue with the concert tomorrow.

Love to all,
Bernice

What a weekend

Noam's three girls, Ora 6, Libi 4, and Tali 18 months. Below is the letter Ora sent: she is fluent in Hebrew, and since her parents both speak only English at home, she and Libi are fluent in English as well:
From Ora:
Hi Bernice and Merwin,
Thank you of the bond. here are some pictures of us ora libi and tali on the beach. Is the beach in israel the same as the beach near your house? We love you and feel better.
love Ora, Libi, and Tali

How sweet can it get?

Dear Family and Friends,

So much happened over the weekend that it would probably be tedious to recount it all. In spite of hours spent resting in bed, we did a lot. Friday: The Shakespeare lecture was good in its way, but it wasn't what I hoped for. The lecturer was addressing a young audience, perhaps high school students and some college students who knew very little about Shakespeare. The best part was pictures of some of the holdings. A questioner from the floor tried to insert the authorship question, and the lecturer squashed him briskly. Laury, my dear crazy friend, got in a remark about an "eminent Shakespearean” being in the audience. Ha! And cited hamletworks.org. Someone asked about regular Shakespeare lectures in the NY area, and I responded with news of the Columbia Shakespeare Seminar, which got excited questions. So maybe we'll see some new faces.

Laury and I went to Pret-a-Manger, a British restaurant chain, which I like very much. Everything is fresh, organic, packaged for the day only, with leftovers sent to soup kitchens. The staff is young, helpful and eager, so the checkout goes swiftly. This is fast food with a difference. We took our package across the street to Bryant Park, were given a table and chairs by a colleague whom we had seen earlier: he had noticed us arriving in the park, and saved them for us. The days I spend are full of sweet touches like this one; I could but won't fill a blog about the welcome I get in my building, from the staff, the guy in the store off our lobby, and from my neighbor Lena. She, by the way, wants to sublet her apartment for three years. Hers has the same view of Bryant Park that we do, the same proximity to the NYPL, but it is bigger: not only a bedroom but also a bigger kitchen area and a separate dining area. Let me know if you are interested.

Merwin arrived, brisk and happy as usual, and we decided to go to a very nearby hotel restaurant, Salmon River. We had enjoyed it before, but this time I had a salmon burger and it was weirdly spiced to my taste. I wasn't so hungry anyway, and the fries were good. Home to bed. Merwin likes to look at his email and the NYT online, but I consider my weekends in NYC a vacation now that using the library is not feasible. By the way, Laury and I stopped off at the Allan Room, and though my key worked, I no longer had a shelf: my books had been removed. I was saving them only for the SQ essay, in case of need, but I don't think I do need them. Merwin and I renewed our cards at the branch library at the corner of 5th and 40th.

And so to bed, shade up, looking at the brilliant buildings some distance away, lit up and glorious.

My next blog will be about Sat and Sun: can you wait for that!

Love to all,
Bernice

Above is a photo of me, of course, getting shorter by the day, with Noam and Sylvia. Sylvia is the daughter of my first cousin and Noam is her son. I have always felt that she was more like a daughter than a first cousin once removed, so her children are almost like grandchildren. Noam was born before any of my children's children, so he took the place of first grandchild. Can I express the thrill of his birth? And with Noam's two brothers, what a sweet, dear family this is. Sylvia now has nine grandchildren! Two of the families, Noam's and Yair live in Israel; Ari in a Detroit suburb.

The big news since I last wrote is that Noam arrived from Israel at about 6:30 a.m. on the 12th, got through the incoming process quickly, and his mother, Sylvia, brought him right over here. Merwin and I prepared a breakfast of mini-bagels and the various fixings that go with them. The best part was the talk—catching up on family, work, reminiscences, and the political condition in Israel. All good. Noam believes that things are improving, perhaps loosening the role of the extreme religious right. He and his wife Sharon are content in their work. He was here to make a presentation, I think today. So we hope to hear about how it went; he said it could be a game-changing event. He has three daughters, and we will post their photos soon: as soon as he got settled a bit here, he phoned his family, and his six-year-old daughter, Ora, wrote an email and sent photos of herself and her sisters. After our visit, by which time Sonia had arrived, Noam and Sylva left to see Dave, who took them to Morgan Park, a beach a short distance from Dave's house, where Noam as a child, with his two brothers, had romped around with a young Dave. They were pals.

Sonia is still with me because the job she thought she would have fell apart. I put a notice for her on our synagogue's Member to Member Board, and almost immediately got responses; I am fielding the inquiries for her. I am conflicted. I want her to have a good position, but I hope it's one that allows her to continue coming to me 2 mornings a week. Merwin is tired from the radiation, and I am trying to ease his burdens. But of course, I am limited in what I can do. I think Sonia will have something good for her (and her client) very soon, and I hope good for us too.

The following paragraph was written on Friday:

Today I am going to NYC with Laury (my dear friend) to attend a class at the NYPL on what they have there for Shakespeareans. Barbara F will be there too, I think. Later this afternoon Merwin will come in by train—after radiation, lunch, and a rest.

Soon, I'll write the news from Friday to Sunday: so much to share!

Love to all,
Bernice

too many days have gone by!

These are some of the delightful flower that pop up among the base bed of lariope. I am not sure of the spelling. The basic bed in our small front yard is filled with the lariope, which remains green all year round and has its own sweet little flowers. Among them Dave and Merwin planted various other flowering plants: miniature daffodils, regular daffodils, tulips, and much more. The Azalea is in full bloom now, extending from our front steps to the edge of the house.

Dear Friends and Family,

As usual, finding pleasure is small things, I enjoy seeing each flower as it appears. I am not a gardener at all, but I do enjoy the results. Yesterday, when Sonia and I took the Sycamore walk at Tappen Beach, the leaves were out in full; last time the trees were bare. Yes, Sonia is still here. The woman she was hoping to work for 5 days a week is still in rehab. I asked our synagogue to post a message on member to member, a way for people to ask for or offer help. Here is my posting:

My wonderful aide, Sonia Tong, is looking for work. She now works for us on Tuesday and Thursday mornings but is looking for more hours and more days. She lives in Cambria Heights and drives her own car. She's a mench. Please call Bernice at 516 671 1301 for further information.

If any of you know anyone who needs an aide, please let me know.

Early in the day, Dr. Moyle, the neurosurgeon, returned my call. I do have a encapsulated hematoma, accounting for the headaches I have been having since he told me about it a month ago. He doesn't think the situation is dire, so instead of having another scan this month, as he wanted at first, he said I should get it in June. The radiology office wondered if Medicare would pay for so many scans: we have to find out. They cost about 2,000, if you can believe that!

Yesterday was a very busy day. Beside the walk at Tappen Beach, I went to the dentist's office for a cleaning by Yvonne. She says my teeth looked good. I do try, with brushing many times a day, flossing, and using a water pic. I learned, I think for the first time, that Yvonne is the sister-in-law of Mike, the son of our dear friend Annie. Right after the dentist I went for a manicure and pedicure. I was quite tired by then, but later in the evening we watched the second half of Chunghyang, a wonderful Korean movie that we have seen several times. After that we watched Bill Maher on TV. I like his show a lot. I like hearing the mix of opinions. The point is, that with Merwin's urging I got out of bed to see the movie and then felt more energetic altogether. I have to keep moving.

We have only one car now, so I had to wait for Merwin to do my errands and in the morning when I went for the walk he had to wait for me. We will get used to this. I feel comfortable driving in our little community.

As you might guess, I had no time to work on my computer yesterday except for some email. On Monday, I did do some hamletworks.org records. Today I have nothing planned and will get to work.

Love to all,
Bernice

Nothing doing

Above, our four granddaughters, taken a couple of years ago when we last saw Sabrina. From left to right, Laura, now at the end of her PhD in organic chemistry; Michelle, in design, having graduated from Rhode Island School of Design about the time of this photo; Sabrina, now working in environmental chemistry, a job she got soon after graduating; and Rachael, a assistant cinematographer, also working since her graduation. The picture below is of Nathalie and her baby girl Sophie. After four boys she hit the jackpot! And never was a baby more doted on by all in the family. Nathalie is a super-energetic co-leader (with Sarah) of Shakespeare on film conferences in France (and much else!). I have been lucky enough to be able to participate in some of these great events.

Dear Friends and Family,

We had a good chance last night to consider the pros and cons of Tilles vs. Lincoln Center. The trip was certainly quicker, but once there we found, not too surprisingly when you think of the composition of the audiences for classical music, an entire parking lot close to Tilles devoted to the handicapped, so it was a bit of a walk even from this privileged spot. Once inside we had a rather long walk to the portal where we found our seats, so I am not sure how much better it was for me because once Merwin lets me off at the curb at Lincoln Center, I don't have far to go to get to my seat. I can't really judge because we go to matinees at Lincoln Center while the concert we went to was in the evening, and I was tired before I started—hoping to pep up with the joy of the music. There, I crept along, using the cane with my right hand and holding onto Merwin with my left.

Indeed the music was splendid: Emanuel Ax playing Schubert and Chopin according to the program but he substituted a piece or two of Debussy (I think) instead of the Chopin Mazurkas listed because either he or the printer had made a mistake in the program. In any case, it was lovely. Alone on stage with a huge grand piano, this large man dominated the instrument. His feet rarely used the pedals to enlarge the sound: his native skill could do piano and forte at will. The pieces were all quite short, as these things go, so altogether there were some 12 pieces, plus an encore, welcomed by an enthusiastic audience that called him out for bows again and again.

Among this huge, local crowd, we spied only three people we knew. Lou and Shirl, and Naomi from our synagogue. I met Lou in 1969 when I taught at Queens College, part time. Lou was then a returning student, coming to college to get a degree. We became close friends, and I was especially fond of his first wife, Alicia, a sterling person all around. At NCC years later, Lou sat in on some of my classes as a senior observer. I like the sense of community I get from seeing acquaintances at local events. But I must say that at Lincoln Center, too, we often ran into people we know.

Merwin and I went shopping today. As usual, the list is only part of the program when I am involved. We both got very tired. Margaret was kind enough to make up for her last week's absence by coming today. I have to shoo her out because she wants to clean everything!

Lovely day today. Hope it's so for you too. Back to Asimov on Hamlet.

Love,
Bernice

32 W. 40th St.

Did I send this before? This is our beautiful building in NYC, 32 W. 40th. Ours is the middle window on the 4th floor, which you cannot see because it is dark and because it is just above a ledge.

Dear Friends and Family,

When I came across this photo, I was saddened as well as gladdened. Originally, we bought the apartment to make it easy for me to do my library work. The NYPL is in view from our window, being to the northeast of our building (40th-42nd and 5th Ave.). To get to the library, I cross the street and walk down the pleasant path between the library and Bryant Park, where there are always interesting sights to snare my attention and my smiles. Once we had the little space, we saw how convenient it was to everything we cared about—museums, Lincoln Center, restaurants, theaters, and more: it is surrounded by bus and train stops. So it became much more than a place to launch me into the NYPL. It was a place to enjoy the City, which we had never had an opportunity to explore spontaneously before.

Now Merwin is talking about selling it. Since my broken pelvis last March and my broken head last July, I have not had much of a chance to take advantage of the study room shelf I have. Realistically, I probably have enough Hamlet materials right here in Glen Head to last me a lifetime. And the two Macbeth productions I went to recently are the only plays I have seen. We have two more NY Philharmonic concerts this season, but we have given up our tickets for next year in favor of a series at nearby Tilles Center on Long Island, 10 minutes from home. It's a wrench to think about selling, but perhaps we can hold out for a bit, at least till prices are better.

In The New Yorker today (8 May, “O Pioneer Woman!,” 26-31), I am reading about a blogger who has morphed her blog into a multimillion dollar business. Her off-shoot books are best sellers. Have you heard of her? Her name is Ree Drummond, a cattleman's wife with four young children whom she home schools. She takes lots of photos, writes about her recipes in great detail, with photos, and is funny besides. I think I have about 30 readers. Makes ya think, doesn't it.

The visit with Arthur was sweet. He is helpful and considerate. He and Merwin put together all the paper work for the Honda, which Arthur drove home to New Hampshire today. He will sell it there, saving us the trouble of dealing with it. After a breakfast of French Toast this morning, he drove off, and we went to the beach where we took separate walks—Merwin down the Sycamore path, and I in the other direction to the wharf. I returned to the car just minutes after he arrived there.

I returned to Isaac Asimov (1970) to collect his wacky ideas about Hamlet. Usually I let wackiness speak for itself, but in his case, I thought it a good idea to alert readers who might be taken in. For example, without any textual evidence at all beyond Hamlet's cry that his mother remarried in haste, Asimov declares that of course Hamlet had been racing home after he heard of his father's death to take his place as heir to the throne. He had wanted to be elected as king and expected that he would be. Claudius preempted him by wooing his mother and was thus elected king. Oh my! It's a prime example of a critic looking beyond the play itself. Only in Kozinstev's film (1964) do we see Hamlet racing home to Elsinore. Maybe that's where Asimov got his idea.

We have a concert at Tilles tonight, a substitute for a Hillwood concert we missed. So a little more Asimov and then a rest.

Love to all,
Bernice

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No photo today

Dear Friends and Family,

Catching up a bit. The writing group went super well logistically. I was energized by the company of my dear friends and made it through the entire evening, right through our wonderful dinner at Kiraku. I have not yet tried everything on the extensive menu, and I like the place so much, especially its proximity to our home, that I want to go again and again, Merwin, who joined us for dinner, does not feel the same way, but there are many other choices close by. I had asked Kiraku to give us separate checks because some of us did not want a full dinner. They obliged without demur. Now that is rare. As for the meeting itself, it started out with sad events in the last days of Barbara's tenure as leader of the Women Studies Program, which she developed from scratch and made into one of the leading programs of its kind in the whole country. She wanted to hand over the baton to the person in the program whom she thought would be best, and there was an uproar among people who wanted an election. I am sorry to say that it got nasty, so nasty that only one person ran. I am so sad. Barbara has to look back on a tremendous achievement over almost 20 years, now tarnished for her by these last days, which she has to put aside as she moves forward. Hugs from us all, Barbara.

Not everyone read, but even so we barely finished by 8 p.m., the time of our Kiraku date. I read my BAM Macbeth review, and sure enough I got a couple of suggestions that I implemented before sending it to the Shakespeare Newsletter yesterday. The photos with it bounced back, so I have to figure out how to send them. Kathryn read one of her very witty pieces, about her long time relationship with her feet. Toby read the interesting and sad results of her continuing efforts to trace her family. Many died in the Holocaust. Hedda read a moving piece about her mother and her own growth under her mother's eye. Jay read some pieces he wrote for his meditations on Buddhism and its belief in life after death—which he cannot accept literally. Joe read more of his novel in process. We are all impressed by his continuing work on this project. So it was a varied and fascinating set of readings.

Yesterday was supposed to be Sonia's last day, but since the woman she will be working for was given another week in rehab, Sonia will come for that week. When I express my regret to her, Sonia replies that she will never forget me, that I am part of her life, partly because of all the recipes I gave her and taught her. But her remembering me is not the point. I'll remember her too. But who is going to do the many things she did with and for me? Yesterday we went to North Shore Farms, our favorite supermarket, usually Merwin's task, but I am trying as much as possible to save him from extra exertion. The radiation does make him tired, though he is as cheerful as ever. Sonia just loved North Shore Farms, and indeed it is a unique store. She bought 3 bags full, and I bought 5 bags full, including fresh caught (not frozen) wild lemon sole for our supper and some nice looking Portobello mushroom-spinach-cheese things for a side dish.

It was a busy day, because as soon as we returned from the store and unpacked, I had to go with Merwin to be dropped off at Dr. K's while he went on for his radiation. I was hoping to meet Antoinette there, and through a fluke we actually did meet and had a nice chat about our MPD condition and also about family and plans. We met through the MPD list and though she lives about 2 hours away we occasionally get a chance to meet at Dr. K's. Dr. K was running so late that Merwin returned from radiation before I got to see her. She did not think I needed a physical therapist; she thought I could do the exercises to strengthen my muscles on my own. I have to agree, but my own lack of discipline is a problem. Besides, I would rather work on hamletworks.org and my other Shakespeare tasks.

Arthur arrived about 6:30 with one of his fellow workers, who wanted to see where Arthur spent his childhood. I was wearing short shorts, which, as Merwin informed me during this tour, did not show below my long t-shirt. Oh my. We started dinner with artichokes, then the mushroom-spinach things while the fish continued baking, and after them, Merwin and I were finished. We didn't even try the fish. Arthur, though, enjoyed it. I went to bed early as usual, but also as usual, though I am very sleepy, I cannot fall asleep. It was well after midnight last night.

This morning Arthur and I had a little together time, which was nice, and it is going to be a beautiful day. He will be working at the Long Island branch of his workplace, but coming home early. So I will skip the last meeting of the Columbia Shakespeare Seminar this season. Too bad. But I don't see Arthur that often. He will be leaving tomorrow morning with our Honda, which he will sell for us.

A good day ahead, with the Ladies who Lunch and then Arthur. I hope your day is excellent as well.

Love to all,
Bernice

A Giant step forward

Keeping 12 April alive! A photo of me with wine! and Harvey, the photo taker usually, and Merwin. We're all happy.

Dear Friends and Family,

Last Friday, I heard from the copy editor at the Shakespeare Quarterly that she wanted me to read the next version of my "At Sea" essay and approve any changes we had decided on for the last version and also answer continuing questions. Oh my. I tried getting my essay from their website and just couldn't do it. I asked for Word documents instead, which she send, though in docx, which I have but do not use. For the whole weekend, I could not get it to work for me, but by Monday, I finally figured out how to insert my comments and changes in the doc. Since she wanted it by Tuesday, obviously that was my main work on Tuesday. I had to read my essay once again—and reader, I have to admit, I love it. Will it be accepted by the Shakespeare community? It is conjectural and my conclusions can be denied, especially, I have to say it, by those who do not respect a new idea unless it comes from a "name," not someone who taught at a community college. But to hell with them. My SQ editor never said anything about what she thinks of the essay, but finally in our back and forths, she replied to my hope that the essay would be —I forget what I said exactly maybe appreciated? And she replied that she was sure it would be. That was nice.

Monday was Sonia's next to last day. I don't know how we will manage without her, but I am beginning to think about it. 1) we have a person-to-person problem solving system, via email, with our synagogue and we can ask about a helper to replace Sonia; 2) we can use Fresh Direct instead of shopping, and Dave is very willing to help with shopping also; I can ask our wonderful Margaret, our cleaning person, to work an extra hour to do the wash in between the cleaning. I am most worried about the exercises Sonia does with me. She provides resistance that I need to get the most out of the set of movements we go through together. Also, when I walked yesterday with Laury, who came to visit, I started to tip over—but caught myself. I am not completely ready to walk alone, not every day, because some days I am stronger than others.

My writing group is meeting here today, and I am hoping to be strong enough to get through the evening. I will be reading my BAM Macbeth review, and if it goes well, I will send it to the Shakespeare Newsletter tomorrow.

Work continues: Macbeth for the chapter Laury and I are writing, and always hamletworks.org. Spring flowers continue to delight us. We ate the first asparagus yesterday. The next one was a few inches tall and by now may be over a foot! The rain has stopped, but I think I will do the indoor bicycle today.

To all our friends and family, much love,
Bernice

Sharing the pain

This is Merry, me and Rose, on the day of the NYPL talk, in our apartment. Merry's mom and Rose have been friends (along with their husbands) for years, in old Pioneer Women days. What a thrill it was to have them both at my event.

Dear friends and family,

We were worried about our friends in Tuscaloosa, who didn't answer email until late last night:
Here is what we heard:

"Yes, it was quite awful for Tuscaloosa. our family is all okay, and luckily none of my close friends died or were seriously injured. Bu many of them have had their homes or businesses destroyed. I have spent the last three days 1) working at a shelter; 2) clearing construction debris and salvaging possessions from friends' houses; and 3) working at an enormous donation clearinghouse in a warehouse trying to sort donations of food, water, clothes, and supplies and then redistrubute them. (I was working in the canned goods there part of today with a girl from our shul whose Bat Mitzvah was scheduled to have taken place right at that very moment! It was postponed for a few weeks.) There are some parts of town that were largely untouched (stephanie's place, mom's and mine are all fine) but there are whole neighborhoods that were leveled--like the aftermath of a bomb or a wildfire. Other things have crippled the city in less immediately visible ways: for instance, the city's sanitation services HQ buildings and all the garbage trucks we own were all destroyed. Obama came yesterday and saw some of the worst-hit areas, and then pledged some aid, which is very, very needed and welcome. So, I am fine, but the town is hurting."

Thanks goodness Joanna's whole family is OK. What a terrible thing. Climate Change. We have to stop calling it "Global Warming," though that is happening too. It's the increased energy in the climate system that is wracking havoc. Will the deniers just continue their nonsense until it is too late?

On the home front, nothing much happening yesterday. Sonia makes a pound of noodles for me when she is here, and I use it all week to make this and that. Yesterday we had the pasta with vegetables and a hefty amount of cheese plus tomato-basil sauce. It was supposed to be enough for lunch only, but it will be good for another meal today. Hooray! No cooking.

I read an article someone sent me about itch centers being established in the USA, one perhaps in Boston. Europe takes chronic itching seriously and has several itch centers. I learned that for p.vera itch (my brand) I am doing everything recommended: UVB treatment 3 times a week, Paxil, Gabapentin (which I started for the neuropathy) but which also has an effect on itching, and multiple doses a day of one-a-day antihistamines. These things have it under control, but late at night sometimes, as last night, I have to take yet another antihistamine when it goes into high gear. No mention of lotions or sprays in the article. It's internally caused, no one knows why, and while lotions are comforting, they do nothing for my sort of itch.

I watch the fading and the blooming of the flowers all over. The cherry trees bloom so briefly, as does the magnolia. The daffodils are long-lasting but the tulips, though gorgeous, are brief. The forsythia may be the longest lasting: now the yellow is suffused with green. The azalea is coming—and it will be with us for a while. Friends travel afar to see new things. I watch what's happening in my yard and in the neighborhood.

Merwin and I took a walk in the neighborhood, up hill and down dale, but his hip starts hurting when he walks at my slow pace. He went home before I was finished, and I continued alone! This was the first walk alone, with my cane, since last July. I think I can do it. I have to do it because Sonia won't be with me after Thursday. I also did about 20 minutes on the stationary bicycle. So I am trying.

Looks like another beautiful day today. Hope you all have a good one.

Love,
Bernice