Good things happening

Here are our two twin grandchildren, in their apartment. Beyond is my sister's dining room set, which they are very pleased to own now. Merwin is taking the photo.

Dear friends and family,

Just a short note today because I am leaving for the dentist in about 30 minutes to have a broken molar pulled. I am a little frightened, because I have had bad experiences with teeth, but I am sure I can deal with it.

I want to tell my friends and family who are coming to my talk at the NYPL on April 12th at 1:15 p.m. that there is another program following mine. I will, however, leave the auditorium after my talk and return to our apartment. I would be very happy if you would join me there: 32 W. 40th St., Apt. 4E. Our apartment building is across the street from Bryant Park and the Library, directly across from the path that separates the library from the park. Please let me know if you think you will be able to stop by.

As for news, I am doing well. The itching has subsided to manageable levels—probably because of the addition of Paxil. But there are also the Gapapentin, anti-histamines, and UVB. So I can't be sure what is working best.

Yesterday, Sonia and I went to Caggiano's to pick up some side dishes for our evening supper with the writing group. That was easy. I had already baked a large piece of salmon as our main course, and the group brought appetizers, desserts, bread, etc. And dear Kathryn brought my favorite, a huge quantity of sesame noodles. Yum. She made a lot so I would have leftovers. No such luck. Kathryn and Toby, recently retired, came early and efficiently set the table and got everything ready for serving. I wandered to my bed for a catnap at times or to the couch in the study, where I could hear everyone.

Everyone was there, except Jay, who was sorely missed. I was thinking of him all day. The readings went very well—every one different, every one interesting. The ongoing work of Joe is simply wonderful. The reminiscence by Hedda about the death of a close friend of course hit the mark. And Barbara wrote about a ballet experience. Everyone did try to help with the cleanup, always the most difficult part of the affair. But still there was much for Merwin to do. I can't figure out exactly how to ease that for him. Maybe get someone in to help. We used to do that regularly when we had dinner parties.

Got to go now! I look forward to hearing from you about coming to 4E after the talk.

Love,
Bernice

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To NY and Back

Dear Friends and Family,

Merwin and I had a delightful 30 hours or so at our NYC studio. We trained in, and embarrassingly after an hour in the train, I could not get up from the seat.Merwin was next to me but not in a position to help, but a woman asked if I needed help and then intelligently asked how she could help. I told her to help me up by putting her arm under my armpit and lifting. It worked. Thank goodness I am not shy about getting help when I need it. It is just something that happened because I was sitting too long. Everything stiffens.

We took a cab from Penn Station, 8th Ave. side, which we have now learned is the best exit. Then after a short rest and a quick lunch, we walked to 42nd Street, to the Duke Theater, to see Macbeth. It was fabulous. As a reviewer for the Shakespeare Newsletter I got comp. tickets, right in row 5 center, best seats in the house. These are stadium seats, and I was a little nervous about the steps, but I made it with Merwin's help. Oh this decrepitude! But it could be worse. We walked back from the theater, the few blocks, but more than I have been walking lately.

Then a nap and a cab ride downtown to our twin granddaughters' apartment in the East Village. The plan was to call in for food, which Michelle did. Along with touring the apartment and admiring the street view and the furniture (many pieces my sister's), we had some lively conversations. I wish I had a photo, but though a few were taken, none are yet available.

On Sunday, we walked to Au Pain Quotidian down the block for breakfast; I love to see Merwin eating with serene enjoyment, and I enjoyed looking at all the people around us, very different from those at Pax, next door. We also stripped the beds and did a wash. Later we went to a convenience store across 5th Ave. on 40th, hoping to find some reasonably priced wine. I am thinking that some people who are coming to my talk on April 12th would like to come to the apartment afterward. We did get chips at the store.

Then it was more rest, tidying the apartment, and back to Glen Head. I think I was more physically active in these last couple of days than I have been for a long time. I got through it well, except for the inability to rise from a seated position if I sit too long. But the neuropathy that prevented me from sitting in a theater at all is much abated. The Gabapentin is working. The itching continues. Now even the touch of any fabric is likely to set it off. But I think that the Paxil may be working.

Now to sleep—and tomorrow to work on my review of Macbeth and the edits on “At Sea.”

Love to all,
Bernice

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Still up and down

These are recent photos of Sandy, the granddaughter who Sandy, one of our special friends, never got to see. Above is a most touching photo: Sandy is reaching for her grandfather, and, though he cannot speak or respond very much, I think the serene look on his face does show that he is aware of love and warmth around him.

Dear Friends and family,

The day started well, with itching under control; this is after starting Paxil and benedryl as a backup for the one-a-day antihistamines. With Sonia's help, I was able to reorganize the downstairs freezers and make maps of which shelves hold what. We also had a good walk, went through my usual course of exercises, and cooked up oatmeal for the next week. Then I drove, by myself, for a consult with the oral surgeon who will remove, next week, a broken molar—no infection, probably just the force of my grinding at night split it into 3 pieces. I like the dentist, and I hope this procedure will not affect me for very long.

Merwin went this morning for the mapping of his prostate, and overall he came home happy, if tired. I am glad I could drive without his help.

We ate the last of the Lasagna that had been on Merwin's birthday menu, which surfaced from the freezer, along with other long-lost items.

Other good news: I have begun to respond to the edits for "At Sea about Hamlet at Sea," suggested by the top brass at the Folger who are in charge of this phase of the process for Shakespeare Quarterly. I find this process great to distract me. One of the editors at the Folger found a great playbill for me that validates a major point in my argument—an 1821 playbill featuring Macready's first performance as Hamlet. I had a playbill, but it was so dim that it would not have made a good illustration. I am hoping to work with the suggested edits tomorrow.

Other good news: a Polish Shakespearean sent me her book about a Polish diplomat of Elizabethan times, I guess because she refers to my work, a very short essay that is now on Hamletworks.org about that same person. I will be happy to write her a thank you note before I find out if she refutes my argument. My little essay is on hamletworks.org and I will add a note about what she says, pro or con.

And I got a grand royalty check! Enough to take out a couple people for lunch. I am counting more on Lotto and Megabucks to lift me from this slough of despond (aka poor purse).

Laury came over to chat. It's so good of her to put us on her so very tight schedule. I miss our working together.

I know there's more, but I am itching too much to go on.

Love to all,
Bernice

Up and Down

Though this photo is from 2010 and Audrey is much bigger now, I love seeing Vaughan with her children and grandchildren. As I was writing this, an email message came through from Vaughan! We share the same wavelength.

Dear Friends and Family,

Good: I drove the car today! Merwin and others have thought that I should not drive on my own "in case": what if the car breaks down? What if there is n accident. I am not strong or fast. Today I drove with Sonia at my side. We always begin our day together with a walk on a short block around the house. I thought she would enjoy Sea Cliff Beach, where Merwin and I have been going every afternoon, and I enjoyed telling her, "This is one of the paths I used to run," and as we proceeded to the beach, I would say, "I am still running." I think it's about 8 miles, with many steep hills. She loved the beach walk. It was a cool day, a bit breezy, but very quiet, with a fantastic big sky, mostly overcast.

Bad: The itching proceeds to plague my life. I have already taken 6 one-a-day antihistamines. Something else has to come through for me! Good: I wrote a note about my problem on the MPD listserv and got a large number of responses. Many caring people urged me to stay in the race. Something is bound to help eventually. Can I hang on for that hope? One odd thing, the Gabapentin, which I take for the neuropathy, is also used to prevent itching. But it can also cause itching. It is working for its main purpose, to relieve the nueropathy in my feet that has prevented me from going to the theater, eating out, and anything else that requires me to sit with my legs hanging down for more than an hour. I did not take the 100 mg. dose last night. Itching no better, nueropathy returns.

Good: I continue to enjoy reading Nick M's book on Macbeth, which will help Laury and me write our chapter on the play. Our friend José Ramón from Málaga, Spain, reading in the blog about the troubles with the heavy and illegible Middleton text, has offered to copy and enlarge pages. He owns both volumes, which are in his University office. That is very helpful for Merwin, who is right now not quite up to all the demands I make on him. He is feeling the fatigue that is the expected side-effect of his treatment for the prostate. José Ramón is such an important person is so many directions; he is the one who organized the splendid International Conference on Shakespeare on Film in 1999, whose bibliographic skills are in demand by many all over. He is providing a bibliography/filmography for hamletworks.org. And I am thrilled with the steps my other dear Nick, Nick C, is taking to ensure the continuation of hamletworks.org. We have been talking for years with Pete D. about settling our site into its permanent home at MIT. I think it will actually happen this year.

Good: I have heard from Ron and Kate: they are posting my review of his book The Blogger on their website. Check out RonMcLarty.com in a week or so. Meeting Ron and Kate has been one of the highlights of being a member of the community of scholars and writers who work in the Allan and Wertheim rooms at the New York Public Library. I'll miss that opportunity to make interesting connections.

Mostly good, right? But it is amazing what constant itching can do to affect one's approach to life.

Love,
Bernice

A couple of days

Merwin has a green thumb; he is able to keep his cyclamen going from year to year. It goes virtually dormant in the winter sitting in an East facing window and then responds to the lengthening days of late winter. Yesterday was the first day of spring, by the way.

Dear Friends and Family,

The main event of yesterday was my trying a new recipe from last Wednesday's NYT Food section. The food section gets worse and worse with the changes instituted by the Times, but this was a good one:

Here is it:

Potato Leek Gratin, adapted from the version by Melissa Clark, NYT Wed 16 Mar 2011.

Have on hand, 2 large leeks, 2 large Yukon Gold potatoes, butter, half & half, an egg (if you wish), thyme or equivalent, nutmeg, bay leaf, 1 clove garlic, salt and pepper, freshly grated Gruyere cheese. Also, a frying pan and a gratin pan.

Preheat oven to 350.

1. Prepare a large frying pan with about 2 T of butter; heat slowly.

2. Winter leeks are very large and can be dirty. After cutting off the heads (the hard root with broom-like strands) and tails (the green part that you do not use), cut the white piece in half lengthwise and wash the inside thoroughly, separating the leaves and discarding dirty bits. Pat dry. Put back into shape and cut into narrow half rings. Place in the frying pan, still very low heat with a couple of sprigs of thyme (I didn't have thyme, but basil worked quite well) and with a very finely chopped large clove of garlic.

3. peel and slice very thin 2 large Yukon Gold potatoes, and dump into a buttered gratin pan. I use a sturdy round ceramic pan. Toss with ¼ t black pepper and ¼ t salt and spread out the pieces.

4. By now the leeks are beginning to collapse. Raise heat a bit. Remove the thyme. Add 1/4 t. ground black pepper and ¾ t. salt (or less) and stir around until the leeks are golden.

5. Pour the leeks onto the sliced potatoes in the gratin pan.

6. To the frying pan, add 1 C half & half. I turn off the heat at this point because my electric stove retains its heat for at least 10 minutes. Add a bay leaf and, at the end of about 5 minutes, ¼ t. of freshly ground nutmeg, or already ground nutmeg. Stir up browned bits. Remove from heat and mix in a beaten egg, if desired. This is to make up for the heavy cream the recipe calls for, but it is optional. Pour liquid over the potatoes and leeks in the gratin pan, scraping to get the stuck pieces.

7. Sprinkle on top ¾ to 1 C of Gruyere cheese. The recipe called for ¾ C but 1 C might be nice.

8. Cover the pan with foil and bake in the pre-heated oven for 40 min. Uncover the pan and bake about 20 minutes more till the top is golden. Keep baking if it is not golden. Allow to rest outside the stove for several minutes.

9. Cut into slices and enjoy! This is supposed to serve 6 but that must be with another dish. We ate 2/3 of the recipe as a main course, with a side salad.

The recipe basically has four main ingredients and some spices.

It turned out very well. By chance, Harvey phoned us around 8 a.m. today on his way to buy supplies for a brunch he and Sandy were having with friends. We told him how much we had enjoyed making and eating the gratin. Later in the day, he and Sandy phoned to say it had worked perfectly. A success to add to the brunch repertory.

We went to one of our Baroque concerts today, a celebration for Bach's birthday. Sadly, Sonia Grib, the group's art director and harpsichordist, was absent, recovering from an unspecified illness. Taking her place as director is the inimitable Louise Schulman, whose enthusiasm is inspiring. I love the way she pretty much recedes into the background when her viola serves a supporting role, but then when she does take a leading position she is totally there, moving and swaying, her whole body playing the music. What a good group today, including an oboe player, and a harpsichord player to take Ms. Grib's place—the two sharing the same last name: father and daughter? husband and wife? The group's Administrator greeted us by saying how much better I looked this time. Is it good that I look better than I feel? All I can say is "thank you."

The news has kept us at the TV every moment we get. It's amazing. I am sorry that international events have overcome the attention to the draconian leadership of the Republican governor of Wisconsin, who illegally savaged the union. A court has decided he did wrong, but what happens when it get to higher courts is up for grabs. More than any other time in my life the courts are partisan and far from neutral. The unions are the reason we have a middle class of working people. Teachers, fire fighters, police, and very few other groups are the only remaining unionized workers in our country. The principal reason, I believe, that Republicans are trying to eviscerate unions is that they are the last left-leaning group that can counter the big bucks paid by the ultra-rich Koch brothers and their ilk to buy elections for Republicans. The Bush Supreme Court made sure that money would buy elections by deciding that corporations could be considered as people and that campaign donors did not have to disclose sources. Oh my, too much to write about now, but very troubling. And is the U.S. going to be sucked into a third Middle Eastern war? I think I will watch a movie instead!

More troubling personally is my condition, with constant itching, difficulty walking or doing almost anything without help. Hard to soldier on. I sound better than I feel, too. Stand by me, dear ones.

Love to all,
Bernice

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A Lapse of days

Elaine, one of my JCC friends, joined me for lunch at the local Japanese restaurant. Though I have been watching the lbs increase every day when I weigh myself, I had the soba noodles; Elaine had a bento box, which looked great. I am wearing one of the pairs of earrings my granddaughter Laura made for me.

Dear Family and Friends,

Sorry to have missed a few days—Wed. Thurs. Fri. I think. The trouble is that I cant recall what happened if I don't write it down, and I saw how useful an accurate record could be when I described my Dec. visit to Dr. Moyle. Nothing so important happened in these last few days. The big event of Friday was going out to lunch with Elaine. Then some reading and lots of rest. Merwin and I drove to Sea Cliff beach in the late afternoon and walked a bit. The weather was gorgeous. Our crocuses are in bloom, and the daffodils are not far behind. I am waiting for the many tulips Merwin planted in the fall. And we seem to have a volunteer pussy willow, which is in a state of delightful fuzziness. A day or so ago Merwin pointed out the first robin of the season, hopping about in our back yard. Is this a returnee? Where is his less colorful mate, I wonder. No sighting of fish in our pond so far.

On Wed. Sylvia stopped by for a brief visit; she had been making a site visit for one of the social work interns she is teaching. It's always a pleasure to see her, of course, but I felt bad that I had nothing prepared for dinner to offer her. Instead of a meal, I gave her Sonia's apple compote.

On Thursday, Merwin went to the tax person and completed that work quickly. He had of course spent hours and hours getting receipts together.

These last few days I struggled a bit with The Complete Works of Thomas Middleton, a interlibrary loan book that Laury got for me. What a disappointing book. First it is the heaviest book I think I have ever borrowed from a library. Second, its design is poor, with tiny tiny font size and faint lettering used on occasion to make a point. Third, the explanatory notes are in a separate book. And this book won the MLA best book of the year prize! The editor of Macbeth, who is the editor and originator of the whole idea, decided that since the Folio's punctuation could not have represented that of Middleton he would leave the text without punctuation. (Yes, the Shakespeare play is in the collected works of Middleton, as is Measure for Measure, because the editor believes them to be partly by Middleton, even admittedly a small part.) For some reason, though he rejects the Folio's punctuation, he decided to stagger lines, a feature George Steevens introduced in 1793! How would that be any part of what Middleton did in the early seventeenth century?

Merwin is going to enlarge some pages so I can read it more easily. I am concerned only to see if any of omissions and revisions creep into performances since the book was published. I doubt it, but I feel it's incumbent upon me to find out. I have begun writing the Macbeth chapter, and that is a good feeling.

We heard from Barry Kraft with the program for his Measure for Measure at Ashland. It was a great success. He, Laury and I had several discussions about the play when we were editing it and he was preparing for be the dramaturg for it. What wonderful collaborations.

We also heard from Mariko. The roads to Tokyo are closed but she managed to get a flight from her community to Tokyo to get on her plane for the US on 1 April.

Nothing else new: much itching, much attendant fatigue caused more by anti-histamines, I think, than by the blood condition.

Thinking of you all with loving thoughts,
Bernice

One day at a time

Dear Friends and Family,

Today Merwin had another step in his treatment for Prostrate cancer. He seems calm and interested in the process. It went well, and he returned much more quickly than I would have expected, less than two hours after leaving for the office, which is about a half hour away.

I have been dealing with the aftermath of our visit to Dr. Moyle last Thurs. Thank goodness for the blog. I was absolutely sure that I had had a CT scan at the end of Dec. when we went to see him. No I hadn't; the blog told me so, a verity that we had not been able to accept from the Dr., his nurse, and Radiological Associates, the facility at Mr. Sinai where we get scans. So the last CT scan was in Oct. before the one last Thursday. I think I wrote that it showed that there could be a hematoma. My head hurts—more because I heard this? Probably, I am very suggestible. I will have another CT scan in two weeks.

Calling the local radiology facility is fun. First of all, they know more about me than I know myself, even though I have never been there before: it's all in the computer. All I have to do over the phone is make the operator believe that she has the real me on the phone, and she warned me to bring all my identifying documents with me when I come.

Today, Sonia was here, and, no matter how tired I am, she wakes me up. I did our walk and went through all my exercises.

I had some lovely emails with the editorial assistant (I believe) at the Folger. Dear Merwin made some good images from the xeroxes I had, and these seem to be acceptable. I needed a playbill of the period, and they found a perfect one for me. I am delighted.

Mariko, our Japanese friend, is safe—as are all her family and friends. I knew that she was nowhere near the ocean because when she was visiting us one of her thrills was seeing the ocean here and walking about at Jones Beach. I wish I had one of the photos to show you. Still the tragedy has an effect on everyone there, one way or another. She is leaving for the Folger at the beginning of April, and the roads to Tokyo for international flights are not available. I hope we can get together. It's hard, though, for me to predict anything.

Only 4 weeks to my NYPL talk! It seems possible.

Love to all,
Bernice

The world news

Dawn and me. She spent a good part of the day with us. We had lunch together (pizza) and she brought a very interesting low-sugar apple pie, apple slices perfumed with Cinnamon and Allspice, cunningly arranged in a shapely dough casing.

Dear Friends and Family,

The time change has not yet been absorbed by my body, and I was still in bed when Arthur phoned at 7:50 (today's time that felt like 6:50). Usually, I would be up at 6:50, the old time, but I went to sleep late last night.

Dawn, Merwin and I had fun together on Saturday. She works very hard not only on her classes but also on her dissertation. And she is a NEMLA officer as well. Always bubbly and optimistic, she is a pleasure to be with. She is one of only two former NCC students who has remained a strong part of our lives. (Rick is the other dear almost-child.) As she was leaving, Lincoln arrived. He had been working all day on bugs and such. We are very proud of his achievements.

On Sunday, we had a Hillwood concert, and I was able to sit through the entire event without having to raise my feet. Merwin wanted very much to sit in our usual seats, 4 steps up, neatly tucked at the start of the first row of the balcony where the sighting is perfect. We heard a very young group, the Daedalus Quartet, an international mix indeed. If you get a chance to hear them, take it. The music was familiar (Mozart, Schubert, and Schumann), but it is enhanced by seeing the performers and hearing them directly. We enjoyed the way they put their whole bodies into the performance. The Schumann was an unusual piece, a duo for piano and cello.

After a nap I was able to return to the horrible news from Japan and to horrible news from Libya. And also to hamletworks.org. I am adding missing elements and asking Jeffery to fix a few things. The big news is that Jesús has completed his modernized version of the Enfolded Hamlet, my invention for showing the main differences between the Second Quarto and Fist Folio texts of Hamlet. My version is in the old spelling and orthography of the period, which could make searches difficult for people. Jesús's work will be a wonderful addition to the site.

We are thinking of our dear friend Michèle and the ordeal she is going through with surgery on her gums. This has to be more painful than anything I am experiencing. Heal quickly, dear friend. Raymond forwarded us an adorable video of one of their grandchildren by one of the grandchildren that showed his attempts to get to the high notes of the tune he was playing. This has to cheer her. Paul, the trumpeter, is growing up.

Onward to work!
Love to all,
Bernice

Long time since last blog

This is a photo taken when Merwin and I were about 50. When we returned from Greece, we started a Greek-Fisherman-cap craze in the family: Arthur, second from the left, is still a fan.

Dear Friends and Family,

On Wednesday, I was knocked out by the Gabapentin. This is not totally unpleasant. It is rather delicious to take naps now and then. I am perhaps having other effects: hard to tell (after which, because of which?), but my knees hurt when I try to rise from a seated position. I sometimes need a helping hand to get up. Yuck. Then yesterday my left hip started to be so painful that I took serious pain meds. The good news, though, is that the Gabapentin is doing something to help the neuropathy.

Laury took me last night to the Columbia Shakespeare Seminar, where I saw many dear friends, who greeted me with warmth and joy, How blessed I am in my friends and colleagues. If it weren't for the hip, I would have done well. I had asked Laury to call Faculty House and ask then about opening the gate on Morningside Heights. A call to José, the manager for the evening, when we arrived at the gate did the trick. Using the gate made the trip in and out of Faculty House easier, though there are several steps.

Francesca (the wife of a Shakespearean), an artist who knows Jessica, took care of me, bringing me a full plate of food. Then seconds. It wasn't that I was hungry; the food was just so good. Then there was the talk by a very pleasant, very productive writer about prose romances and their relationship to plays, especially Othello. It turns out that I had met this scholar at the Folger but had absolutely no recollection of him. We may have had tea together, participated in a play-reading session (I liked to organize evening readings), discussed our work—who knows? It's a total blank. He was very kind about it.

Thank goodness for my recliner! I am completely comfortable in it. So in spite of pains here and there (wrists, knees, left hip), I can look forward to working without having to think too much about my body and its breakdown. I am beginning to sketch out my talk at the NYPL on April 12th and finding several things I need to ask Jeffery to change for me. Jay (the NYPL librarian) was there, but he left before I could talk to him. On another front, I have also mentally sketched out the Macbeth chapter.

I guess the more important event was the trip to Mt. Sinai on Thursday to see the neurosurgeon. The brain scan was done on a new machine, and after the 1-minute session, the tech kept looking and looking at the results. Finally he called others to look with him. Eventually, they decided to send the scan up to Dr. Moyle on the 8th floor. What was the problem? Who knows? Probably the new machine produced results that were unfamiliar to the tech. Dr. Moyle saw something, though, that he wanted checked in two weeks. He said it could be done closer to us to save us from the long waits at the hospital. From door-to-door the trip took about 6 hours. Face time was about 15 minutes. That's a lot of waiting (some of which we spend eating lunch). I had thought that the visit was our 3rd and last post-op visit. Well, we'll see. Maybe something is happening that can account for memory loss. I am not too worried. But if the scan is done with a different machine, will it show what the new machine showed?

Dawn is coming to visit this morning, and I have lots to hear from Merwin who had his book group meeting last night. He read to me some of the Alice Munro stories that the group was discussing. She pulls the reader into the lives of her characters, unlike the writer of the book I am reading, which is rather a bore.

Much to do today!
Love to all,
Bernice

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Hooray!

Here are Laura and Harvey in Oslo, looking very happy indeed. Harvey's work goes on all day, but in the evening there is time to socialize.

Dear family and friends,

Great news! I sat with my legs down (without the camp stool for putting up my feet) at the movie we saw this afternoon, The Adjustment Bureau, with Matt Damon (whom we like from many action and non-action movies). The movie is based on a science fiction story that Merwin read years ago. Did I like it? I was engaged and there were tears in my eyes, but the main thing is that I was able to do it! The first time in months. My legs were bent at the knee from 3:45 to 6:45 without inducing pain, a good sign that the Gabapentin is working!

I started this morning with an additional 100 mg, following the prescription of Dr. O. Before today, I was afraid to take more than the evening 100 mg. because it had such a soporific effect. I may be getting used to the evening pill because this morning I woke up a little before 6 a.m., the usual time—in spite of a 2-hour period of wakefulness with itching problems. Probably because of the additional morning pill, I had a deep afternoon nap. I don't mind that. Of course, while I am sleeping, I am not working! My reading proceeds slowly.

The success of this outing makes me think that maybe I can go to the Columbia Shakespeare Society meeting this Friday! Can I? Dare I? Today I got a press ticket for the British Macbeth that's coming to BAM next month. By total accident, Laury already had a ticket for that same night, so we can go together. How I was going to do it without someone taking me I decided to ignore. Plunge forward! We are also going together to the TFANA Macbeth. The director, Arin Arbus, who was very happy with my review of her Measure for Measure last year is going to be very helpful, providing scripts and the like.

Before Merwin and I left for the movie in Roslyn (free with our Optimum card), I started Merwin's evening meal: 3 chicken cutlets that I had marinated in my salad dressing overnight, a Yukon Gold potato sliced thin, reconstituted dried fancy mushrooms, a few carrot sticks and some frozen baby broccoli . I neglected to find out how long the movie would be, so I was a little low in my estimate of oven temperature (175). But when we got home I ramped it up (400), and by the time we got the table ready, and I prepared my meal, and he had a salad course, the chicken was done. He liked it. "Tasty," he said. Two cutlets with the fixings with go into the freezer.

I am feeling pretty good about the future. One day at a time.

Love to all,
Bernice

Double or Nothing

Today I had welcome visitors, Louise and Paul, above left: They took the occasion of the delivery of a piece of art that we had purchased from her show at RSNS to make a short visit and brought some lovely spring flowers (tulips) as well. Louise and I met at the JCC when I was active in Spin and other classes. Louise and Paul are about the most elegant people I know—and talented too.

Dear friends and family,

Just catching up: if I don't write every day I lose track of what happens. I am not sure about Friday! On Saturday—big step forward: we took the train into NYC and then a cab to our apartment. For a while now, I have only been able to go into the City if I am driven from here to our apartment or to the doctors' offices at Mt. Sinai. I think the Gabapentin is helping the neuropathy. I was sitting without raising my legs for the whole ride. The other intractable problem is fatigue. We walked to Szechuan Gourmet for lunch with Rhoda B and took enough home for supper as well. Rhoda is her usual calm self, taking in stride all that happens with her daughter, Lori, featured on the cover of the NYT Magazine this past Sunday. But there is Salvador, the beautiful grandson to enjoy, her dancing, her classes at NYU, where she now works, and her work with good students. Rhoda and I were very involved in the development of active learning at Nassau CC. Her discipline is physics, and Merwin enjoyed the science talk he could engage in with her. After the walk to the apartment, I was beat. Merwin read more of the Alice Munro story he has been reading (more tonight, I hope). Mainly I rested.

The next morning, Merwin got coffee and orange juice from Pax (down the block from us) and I cobbled together a breakfast. Later, we took a cab to Toby and Elliott's apartment, where a huge crowd was celebrating Elliott's birthday. He looked so happy. Why not? Recently retired, fresh from a month in Hawaii, surrounded by many dear friends, with his son and son-in-law and their baby Brian, he was a happy man. The food was fabulous. Catered, of course because they had arrived home only a day or so before from the occasion of the bestowal (if that's the right word) of Brian's birth certificate. Lovely story: the judge cleared the court so that only Brian and his relatives were there. Then the judge pulled a toy out of a bag, but Brian wasn't much interested. So the judge reached for a larger bag and a huge toy: this caught Brian's attention. And so it was official: Brian belongs to Eric and Derek, and to his grandparents on both sides.

When I had reached the end of my energy, Laury and Boris drove us to the Port Washington train station where we picked up our car. I was wiped! The crowd, the noise, the huge number of people, the excitement of the occasion, the food—all conspired to sap whatever energy I had. I even took a few moments to retreat to the bedroom and lie down on the bed. But it was great being there, with dear friends. Toby gave me a generous container to fill with enough delicious food for our supper in Glen Head.

Today Sonia came and in spite of being very tired, she and I went through my entire repertoire of exercises. I didn't think I could do it, but I did: she always has that effect on me. And so it goes.

Tomorrow—or maybe tonight—I will try to get back to Shakespeare.

Love to all,
Bernice

Catching up

Today I had dear visitors, Louise and Paul, above left: They took the occasion of the delivery of a piece of art that we had purchased from her show at RSNS to make a short visit and brought some lovely spring flowers (tulips) as well. Louise and I met at the JCC when I was active in Spin and other classes. Louise and Paul are about the most elegant people I know—and talented too.

Dear friends and family,

Just catching up: if I don't write every day I lose track of what happens. I am not sure about Friday! On Saturday—big step forward: we took the train into NYC and then a cab to our apartment. For a while now, I have only been able to go into the City if I am driven from here to our apartment or to the doctors' offices at Mt. Sinai. I think the Gabapentin is helping the nueropathy. I was sitting without raising my legs for the whole ride. The other intractable problem is fatigue. We walked to Szechuan Gourmet for lunch with Rhoda B and took enough home for supper as well. Rhoda is her usual calm self, taking in stride all that happens with her daughter, Lori, featured on the cover of the NYT Magazine this past Sunday. But there is Salvador, the beautiful grandson to enjoy, her dancing, her classes at NYU, where she now works, and her work with good students. Rhoda and I were very involved in the development of active learning at Nassau CC. Her discipline is physics, and Merwin enjoyed the science talk he could engage in with her. After the walk to the apartment, I was beat. Merwin read more of the Alice Munro story he has been reading (more tonight, I hope). Mainly I rested.

The next morning, Merwin got coffee and orange juice from Pax (down the block from us) and I cobbled together a breakfast. Later, we took a cab to Toby and Elliott's apartment, where a huge crowd was celebrating Elliott's birthday. He looked so happy. Why not? Recently retired, fresh from a month in Hawaii, surrounded by many dear friends, with his son and son-in-law and their baby Brian, he was a happy man. The food was fabulous. Catered, of course because they had arrived home only a day or so before from the occasion of the bestowal (if that's the right word) of Brian's birth certificate. Lovely story: the judge cleared the court so that only Brian and his relatives were there. Then the judge pulled a toy out of a bag, but Brian wasn't much interested. So the judge reached for a larger bag and a huge toy: this caught Brian's attention. And so it was official: Brian belongs to Eric and Derek, and to his grandparents on both sides.

When I had reached the end of my energy, Laury and Boris drove us to the Port Washington train station where we picked up our car. I was wiped! The crowd, the noise, the huge number of people, the excitement of the occasion, the food—all conspired to sap whatever energy I had. I even took a few moments to retreat to the bedroom and lie down on the bed. But it was great being there, with dear friends. Toby gave me a generous container to fill with enough delicious food for our supper in Glen Head.

Today Sonia came and in spite of being very tired, she and I went through my entire repertoire of exercises. I didn't think I could do it, but I did: she always has that effect on me. And so it goes.

Tomorrow—or maybe tonight—I will try to get back to Shakespeare.

Love to all,
Bernice

Quiet times

To the right is the Moschovakis family (Helene, Nick and baby Theo, with big brother Alex), to the left Alex running—lovely framing, don't you think? I am reading Nick's important introduction to the collection of essays on Macbeth he published a few years ago. He is very supportive of my work in his study.

Dear Friends and Family,

Not too much to report. The main thing is trying this Gabapentin. The Wednesday night dose knocked me out on Thursday. Sonia sparked me, as usual, but the fogginess lasted all day. On Thursday night I took only 100 mg. but this morning, again, I slept late and feel foggy. The feet might be marginally better, so I will continue taking 1 pill at night, none in the a.m. at least for a while. Any thoughts about this med out there?

Yesterday, there was a posting on the Internet of an article on Lori Berenson:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/magazine/06berenson-t.html?hp It will be in the Sunday Times Magazine, I believe.

It's a very good article, as Lori's mother wrote me in an email. Lori, you may recall, is the American journalist and activist who has been recently paroled after serving I think 16 years of a 20-year sentence. What is amazing and thought-provoking is the one image of Lori that determined her downfall. At heart a very private person, at her first hearing after her arrest she shouted (as she had been advised by her captors to do because of 'poor acoustics' in the courtroom) and raised her fist in the air, her face distorted by apparent rage. To a country that had been sickened by the murders by rebels, she became the symbol of those terrible times. If only she had done what women are expected to do—keep head down, weep, look sad not mad, etc. A moment of poor choice led to everything that followed. Even Peruvians who sympathize with those who try to improve the lot of the poor and marginalized native peoples feel nothing but anger towards Laury. She has to keep her head down indeed as she walks with her son, Salvatore, around the neighborhood where she is living. She has to remain in Peru for the whole period of parole, and then must leave the country.

After looking in vain for my missing cell phone, we finally broke down and got me a new one, a free one that comes with a 2-year contract with Verizon. Merwin got a matching one. Unfortunately the sound quality is not good, and we are going back to the store today to see what we can do.

Today is First Friday, the lunch date for women from RSNS. I am looking forward to it as always. Then I am hoping to do some work.

The Shakespeare Quarterly process is so very different from any other journal for which I have written. Actually, I have been published by SQ before (reviews mainly), but that was before Johns Hopkins took over as publisher. For one thing, I never had to sign a contract outlining my rights and obligations. If I read it correctly, I can copy the essay onto hamletworks.org, with credit to Johns Hopkins. Everyone is very nice at the Folger, where the editing is done, and I am looking forward to their suggestions. I am hoping that instead of using my photos, they will use the originals they have in the library—without my being there to pick them out.

We watched Grand Hotel last night on TV. It's quite a good film, much better than most we have seen of that era (1932). It was fun recognizing the actors we know from much later films: gorgeous Joan Crawford, a secretary who has to make a living any way she can, including bedding down with her ugly, nasty boss; Greta Garbo, who said "I want to be alone" three times!; John Barrymore, the dashing and kind but broke con-man; Lionel Barrymore, a hero of sorts; and so on. Though the setting was Berlin, there was no evidence that I could see that Hitler and WWII were coming.

Is it true that in the 30's and 40's all restaurants had dance floors and big bands? It seems so from every dinner-out scene in movies of that time.

Please forgive the meandering; it's the drug.

Love to all,
Bernice

Doctors galore

Harvey took this photo using a delayed action shutter. This is the whole group together on Sunday, all sitting on the convertible couch in my study: Laura, Merwin, me, Sandy and Harvey.

Dear Friends and Family,

Sonia came on Monday rather than Tuesday because we had an appointment with Dr K. She made apple compote, as usual, but this time with frozen red raspberries instead of strawberries. A little tart, but good. We also made mock chopped liver, Bobbie and Norm's version. This time I had all the right ingredients, and it turned out very well—too well since it goes down very easily. No really bad ingredients; tastes much more delicious than one might expect. You could use egg whites instead of whole eggs to eliminate the cholesterol entirely.

Mock Chopped Liver (double this recipe to have something for the freezer)

1 15 oz. can of peas (drained)

1/2 pumpernickel bagel (not sweet! Using a sweet bagel was my mistake the first time)

1 onion, cut up, sauteed until very soft

3 hard boiled eggs

1/3 cup of walnuts

Use food processor to grind bagel & nuts (chop fine). Add eggs (chop fine). Add onions & drained peas (chop fine)

Pepper to taste. You might also add salt, but the mix didn't seem to need it. Optional: 1 T Mayo (I didn't see a need for it). The mix comes out very creamy and spreadable.

Thanks Bobbie and Norm!

On Tuesday we saw Dr. K, who advised us to get (me) into the one available trial at Mt. Sinai. The warnings look formidable to me, but Dr. K asked "What choice do you have?" And besides, the warnings have to cover all possibilities, no matter how faint. Reminds me of all the ads for prescription drugs one sees on TV where the visual images and music are upbeat and pleasing, while the voiceover warns of significant ill effects, even death. So I think we will try to get to see Dr. M again with the contract in hand, ready to sign. The Nurse Practitioner in charge of this trial is away this week, so we will try for an appointment next week.

Today we saw the neurologist, Dr. O., who wants me to try smaller amounts of the drug I already tried. He wants me to give it more of a chance. The first doses caused drowsiness, but the smaller amount should serve to get me used to it. I do not want to spend valuable time sleeping! I have too much to do!

Interestingly enough, Dr. O. said that the NIH wants neurologists to work on pruritis (itching) studies. Wouldn't that be wonderful if the neurologists would find something to counteract this itching? When I asked Dr. K if there was something, anything, else I could try, she shrugged: there is nothing. I already take anti-histamines, UVB treatments, lotions galore. The tranquilizer that works for some did not work for me.

Sorry to be so medical, but that's what's going on just now. Other things, like computer glitches, memory blocks, and the like, are bad enough without writing about them.

More interesting news tomorrow, I hope.

Love to all,
Bernice