Monday, December 19, 2011

Memorial Service


A memorial service for Bernice W. Kliman is scheduled forSunday, January 15 beginning at 11:00.

Place: AtRSNS (The Reconstructionist Synagogue of the North Shore)
1001Plandome Road, Plandome, NY 11030
516-627-6349



web site: www.rsns.org

For those coming from the city, the synagogue isconveniently reached using the Long Island Railroad. Take the Port Washingtonline from Penn Station to Manhasset. The Manhasset station is on the same roadas the synagogue and only a few minutes away by taxi.

If you havefurther questions please contact:
Merwin

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A luminous light is extinguished

Click to enlarge; use back arrow to return




My darling Bernice died at 6:30 AM on November 29, 2011.

I described our Thanksgiving in my last blog posting. Here is a picture of all who were gathered.
First row: Michelle, Laura, Rachael, our three granddaughters. Barbara (Sandy's sister) and Matt (Barbara's guy.) Middle row: Debbie with son Arthur behind,
Debbie's mother (Alzheimer victim) B&M (after almost 61 years) Murray (Sandy's dad.) Top row:  Sons Arthur, Lincoln, Lawrence (Sandy's brother), H&S. Son Dave arrived too late to get in the picture.

In the days that followed, Bernice grew weaker at an alarming rate. She was in pain and on Monday we arranged for Hospice care. Bernice made clear to the Hospice enrolling nurse that she was ready to go and the sooner the better. Sunday night had proved very difficult for me in lifting and guiding Bernice to the bathroom so I had son Dave stay with us on Monday night. He proved an invaluable help.

At around 5:00 AM when Bernice called us we were unable help her to any bathroom function. Her left arm was now blue and swollen and she said she was in terrific pain. We called 911 and she was quickly transported to the ER at Glen Cove hospital. I followed the ambulance and when I got inside I saw her heart still beating on the monitor but in less than a minute there were no more beats and she was gone. It was 6:30 AM.

Her enlarged spleen was a symptom of her cancer condition. She called it her 10-month bump. It appears that her spleen ruptured and this was fatal.

I will miss my darling wife of more than 60 years more than I am capable of expressing. This may well be the last posting of Bernice’s blog.

Here is the notice our synagogue posted on line:
With sadness we report the death of Bernice Kliman, a woman who was 
much beloved, respected and admired. Bernice showed us how best to 
live life and how best to live with dying. With her wide circle of 
family, friends, colleagues and synagogue members, her death leaves a 
wide chasm in the world. 
Most sincere sympathies to Merwin and to her 
children and grandchildren.



The family will observe shiva at the Kliman home, 70 Glen Cove Dr, Glen
Head,
on Wednesday evening, Nov 30 from 7:00 to 9:30pm and 
on Thursday evening, Dec 1 from 6:30 to 9:30pm.
 A minyan will be held Wednesday at 8:00pm and Thursday at 7:00pm. 

At present, a memorial service is scheduled at the synagogue on Sunday, 
January 15 beginning at 11:00 a.m.



Zikrona liv'raka / May Bernice's memory be for a blessing.


Love to all,
Merwin

Friday, November 25, 2011

Post Thanksgiving


Dear All,
On Wednesday we returned to Mt Sinai and Bernice went through the now-familiar through evaluation and blood draw. Her WBC was higher, now up to 259. The story with the blasts is a little clearer to me now. At these elevated levels of WBC (white blood cells) Dr M says he relies on the manual blast count as being the most accurate. Measured this way her readings have been 2, 12, 9, 5 and this is encouraging. Her spleen was just slightly smaller. Dr M sometimes speculates out loud about possible relationships and we appreciate this. With the fibrosis in her bone marrow, Bernice’s body has transferred a portion of stem cells responsible for creating blood cells to her spleen — hence, its enlargement. With some spleen shrinkage it might be that some blasts (immature blood cells) are being forced out. Dr M, in looking back at past blood reports, noted that the last time her WBC were so high was just after the trauma of her terrible fall on her head in July 2010. There is much detective work in research medicine.

This Mt Sinai facility is a very warm and welcoming place where many of the staff knows Bernice and greets her with smiles and some hugs. Alice, her research nurse is a runner who appreciates Bernice’s 1984 NYC marathon run. Alice is in a “Turkey Trot” 5-mile run starting at 6:00 AM Thanksgiving morning.

Bernice’s broken wrist is not only painful but it is debilitating. A social worker from Mt Sinai is to contact us about arranging for physical therapy. We will continue weekly visits until mid-December when a decision about remaining in the trial will be made.

On Thursday morning, Thanksgiving day, Boeta came at 8:00 and helped Bernice in the shower and to dress for our trip. Aware of the dire travel warnings of packed highways we set off at 9:30 on our way to Harvey&Sandy’s in Connecticut. This is an 85-mile trip we have made countless times under many weather and traffic conditions. We had an audio book to listen to and there was no rain. As I moved along at high speed encountering very few cars I kept anticipating a glare of red brake lights but they never materialized. We arrived just after 10:40 and had made the trip in record time. Son Dave made the same trip but left at noon and he was on the road for four hours. All four of our sons were there, three granddaughters, Sandy’s dad, sister, and friend — a real family gathering. Granddaughters Rachael and Michelle living in NYC are seen more often so it was a special treat seeing Laura who is very busy and lives in Boston. Laura is much occupied finishing her PhD dissertation in organic chemistry that she will defend in mid-December. She will spend the first week in January in the warm Caribbean with friends before she moves to Chicago for her new job.

Bernice rested in mid-visit and then we all gathered for a grand banquet. We left after the meal but by this time, despite the happy visit, Bernice was exhausted. On the way she had rested in the reclined passenger seat with her feet elevated on the dashboard. We brought along a pillow and blanket and Harvey and I got her into the back seat where she closed her eyes and rested during our return trip. We again, made it home in record time. Dave left at our departure and very helpfully pulled up at our house just as I was trying to get Bernice’s prone body up out of her makeshift couch. Thank goodness for a pair of stronger, younger arms.

Boeta came today and was her usual helpful presence. Bernice and I just relaxed.
Love, Merwin

Monday, November 21, 2011

Better news? Maybe


Dear friends,
Being a patient or a family member involved in today’s medical world can be sometimes be uncertain and confusing. We returned to Mt Sinai today where Bernice’s blood was again drawn and submitted to both the automatic machines for analysis and studied by doctors under the microscope. On our last visit on Thursday, Nov 17 we tried to absorb some disturbing news. It appeared that there were 27% blasts.  Her white blood cell count had risen to 209 (normal is 4.5 to 11) and the 27% is compared to this total. As I explained in the previous blog this could be an indication of a transformation to leukemia. This news came at the end of the day and Dr M indicated that the data would be scrutinized carefully and the blood would also be analyzed by flow cytometry, where the blood passes through tubes and each cell type is identified and counted. Today we learned there were some discrepancies in the different measurement modes. The 27% was the measure from an automatic machine. Three hematologists using a microscope repeated this measurement and their result was about 12%. Better, and half of what we heard at first, but still not so good. But the flow cytometry registered a 2% value! This is not only confusing for us but, for now, is also a bit of a mystery to the medical staff.

I relate all this, dear readers, not to educate anyone in the art of blood analysis, but to help describe how difficult it sometimes is to judge the status of situation from what may be superb medical information laden with its own ambiguities.

Bernice might be close to being eliminated from the trial but, since her next infusion is not scheduled until Dec 15, it is valuable and necessary to continue to collect all medical data. Dr M noted that Bernice with her fall, breaking her wrist, has not been the ideal trial candidate. The medical investigator in a trial makes every effort to observe every side effect and such changes make the task difficult.
One welcome change was recorded today but there is no knowing if this could be due to the drug. Both Bernice and Boeta thought that Bernice’s enlarged spleen had shrunk. I was asked and cautiously agreed. Measurements proved it to be so: on Nov 10 it was 24x24 cm and today it was 22x20 cm.
Dr M wants Bernice to make an effort to exercise more for her arm in a cast, has prevented her from taking walks with her wheelie. He will arrange for a physical therapist to come to our home.
Boeta accompanied us today and was invaluable. There were no problems with the parking lot. We are due to return to Mt Sinai on Wednesday.

On Thursday our plan is to leave in the morning on the two-hour drive to Sandy and Harvey’s where we will see the family including our darling three granddaughters and enjoy a Thanksgiving feast. Bernice will be able to rest there between acts and we will return that night.

Happy Thanksgiving and love to everyone,
Merwin

Friday, November 18, 2011

Breaking News


Hello dear friends,
Our week started with a bang but, unfortunately, it is ending on a more somber note. Our attention at the end of last week and during most of this week was centered on determining the cause of the recent chest pains Bernice has been experiencing. Last Thursday, November 10, Bernice had her initial infusion of an experimental drug as part of the drug trial for which she had been accepted at Mt Sinai. Dr M the principal investigator and Bernice’s hematologist/oncologist at Mt Sinai had emphasized the importance of finding the cause of these relatively new pains. We saw Dr G her cardiologist on Friday and he was certain that there was no cardiac problem but thought it prudent to have an echocardiogram. Ironically, on Monday morning before the advent of any breaking news, there was an evaluation visit from a nurse from our long term care insurance company (who are paying for Bernice’s health aides.) At about 1:00 that afternoon Bernice went to our pantry, got a small can peaches, turned, lost her footing and fell on our tile kitchen floor. I heard the crash and with heart in my mouth saw my dear sprawled on the floor. Her right arm was scraped and oozing blood but she was fully coherent and, much to my relief told me it was not her head. She had chipped a corner out of one of her upper-front teeth. Now came some drama. I was unable to lift my sweetheart and I called our local fire department. In less than five minutes two strong policemen lifted her. We went to the ER and found that Bernice had broken her right wrist. She now has a hard fiberglass cast. We certainly did not need this she said. Since the heart was not involved in the chest pains we continued our doctor visits to see Dr B the GI doctor about a possible endoscopy. He thought that with her weakened condition and her low oxygen saturation levels, the anesthesia would make the procedure risky. He did not say so but I feel that he suspects her problem is esophageal and he gave her some pills to try for two weeks.
On Thursday we returned to Mt Sinai for the required weekly monitoring between the monthly infusions of the trial drug. We took Boeta, Bernice’s super health aide, along. On prior visits I could leave Bernice off at the hospital entrance and she could make her way navigating her trusty wheelie while I parked 5 blocks away in the special lot provided by the cancer institute. With her cast her wheelie was unusable. We arrived for our 11:00 appointment and were soon seated in one of the examining rooms. Bernice had the usual tests and answered questions from the research nurses and doctors under Dr M. Her blood was drawn but we did not see Dr M for some time, as it was a very busy day at the clinic. When we finally saw him he performed his examination, asked more questions, but ordered more blood drawn for additional tests.
He returned after a longer wait with the bad news. Her blood “had 27% blasts.” Blasts are immature blood cells that ordinarily mature in the bone marrow where all blood cells such as red, white and platelets form. More tests were to be performed so the full story is not yet clear. Last week there were only two blasts and that was unusual. Now there is an unwelcome crowd. Their appearance can signal a transformation to leukemia. We are scheduled to go to Mt Sinai at 10:30 on Monday and we will learn more. It is highly likely that her participation in the trial will be terminated. Once again Bernice made clear to me that she wants no extraordinary measures extended on her behalf.
We were ready to leave Mt Sinai at about 3:30 and figured we would beat the rush traffic streaming out of the city. But, somebody or something that arranges such things had evidently decided that something comedic was now in order. I arrived at the parking lot and handed in my ticket. This lot has cars stacked on five levels and I could see my mine on the second level. The attendant pushed the proper buttons and swore. The car lift was not working. Repair mechanics were called. More patrons were gathering in the lot. I laughed and soon returned to Bernice and Boeta. We grabbed some food in the hospital cafeteria but did not get underway for our trip home until 7:30.
Boeta came today and, among other helpful chores, helped Bernice with a shower (with a bag covering the cast.) She also prepared lunch. We will see her on Monday when she will accompany us to Mt Sinai once again.
Bernice wanted me to get this news out on the blog to avoid long responses to how things are progressing. We do appreciate email and phone calls but I have now communicated much in one fell swoop.
Love to all from both of us,
Merwin 

Sunday, November 13, 2011







Dear Friends and Family,

Things have been rather rough for me—I suppose because of the infusion or because of the spleen encroaching on my esophagus. The chest pain is increasing enough to force me to take a pain pill every four hours. And wonder of wonders‚ I have no appetite. Mentally I would like to eat, but the first bite brings on pain and nausea. Merwin has sent a report to Dr. M. as requested, and Dr. M. wrote directly to Dr. G. to suggest an endoscopy if the heart is OK.  If the infusion reduces my spleen, it will improve the situation. Altogether,  my body has to adjust to the drug. I could not go on Saturday to Tilles Center (10 minutes from here) for a concert by the Vienna Philharmonic on Saturday. But I am confident that things will improve. I am not unhappy, just weak, and the drug makes me very sleepy.

I note that the upgrade of this program allows me to attach videos, so I will try my favorite—very old and
faded. but lovely anyway. Note the camera work; it makes me smile to think of it.

Big news: A date has been set for Laura's defense of her dissertation in December, and she has invited friends and family to attend. —and she has he job she wants, putting her PhD in organic chemistry to use in an industry working on ethanol developed from something other than corn. Hooray for Laura! She has already rented a lovely apartment in Chicago, and will not be far from her aunt (Sandy's sister) in the city. I wish I could go to her defense (in Boston)!

Remember, Jesús, your defense, and the honor I had of being on the panel? What a thrill that was to participate in the discussion, and the bountiful celebrations!

Laura's sisters Michelle and Rachael, are preparing essays for graduate school, and I am one editor. This is work that I can do, or will be able to do when I get better.

Today I was able to go with Merwin to Christ Church for a marvelous concert by the Long Island Baroque Ensemble. I have written about this group before. This was an especially bright and  lively concert. I lasted the whole time, but with my eyes closed. The drive to Oyster Bay is lovely. I have been relishing the changes in the trees, and they were especially beautiful today. Leaving at about 5:00 p.m. we were treated to a lively display of sunset colors.

Lovely day: hope you had one too.

Love,
Bernice




Thursday, November 10, 2011

Yippee!



Above is a flyer for the movie  made by Mark Blackman (incidentally a second cousin of Cate Fisher). Mark has single-mindedly pursued his dreams. Do go, if you can. I will have to wait for the DVD!


Dear Friends and Family,

We're on! We went to Mt. Sinai today as directed two days ago and after a lot of questions, mainly the same ones as usual, about such things as night sweats: two changes  of nightshirts (Dr. M: That's not a little!) and some doubt on Dr. M's part about proceeding, I finally was accepted. He was flabbergasted and annoyed that I had not called him about having chest pains and going to our cardiologist/general practitioner, Dr. G, on Monday. I had complained of chest pains when walking this past Sunday in the NYC with my wheelie, finally told Merwin I had been experiencing this unpleasant and painful sensation for a while. Merwin called our doctor, who wasn't able to see me till the end of the day—8 p.m. Neither the EKG nor listening to my heart indicated anything wrong, but I will have an echo cardiogram on Monday. After examining me, Dr. M. said, "I promised your son [he meant Harvey] that I would take good care of you, and I assured him that I would be as vigilant about you as I would be for my own mother.” He also mentioned that the trial meant a great deal to him, professionally, as well as to me personally.

The infusion is called GC 1008, Not too helpful a name. But it is not chemo (Dr. M. told me to stop the Hydrea] when we began the preliminary examinations a few weeks ago; My drug is a protein antibody, infused. With luck it will reduce my spleen, which is now so large I can't tie my sneakers, and reduce the fibrosis in my bone marrow. I am proud to be the first to be exposed to this drug for myelofibrosis and glad that it has already been tried on other fibrotic conditions (e.g. liver, kidney).

As usual, everyone is very good to me. Alice hovered over me to make sure everything was going well. Amy came in to say hello and bring goodies. I go again next Thursday, but no infusion, just an examination. But I am call Dr. M.'s cell phone if anything untoward shows up—especially on my skin.

Now to backtrack a little: We went to NYC on the weekend and met Michelle for dinner and the next day met her twin, Rachael, for brunch, along with Tony, a great friend of the family, and his dance partner Meta. I found myself to be so weak that I could not do more: no walk to our lovely Bryant Park, all dolled up for Winter. At the moment I feel more energized, I suppose by the excitement of the trial.


Yesterday, a somewhat small group of friends met for our monthly reading session. Supper was at Kiraku, for which Merwin joined us, and then our meeting. I read something lame, but at least I wrote. Everyone else had wonderful, moving pieces. Kathryn wrote about her visit to Turkey with Antonio, Barbara about Ruby, Anna about her gifted mother and others, Toby about the bible and the incidence of verbal variations among the texts. Meta read her own work and that of her students in her Goddess class.

Now to supper!

Love to all,
Bernice

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Time speeds by



At the top, Itzik and Laika. They died very young, leaving four children, two of whom are still alive in their 90s. Cate, who is never far out of my mind, was a great granddaughter of this pair, whom she never knew, of course. Long story.

Dear Friends and Family,

From what we know, we are on for the trial, which might start next week or the week after. I am eager to go into the City this weekend to see the sights. It may be difficult to go to Mt. Sinai every other Thursday and also go to the apartment on weekends. We'll see. Since my platelets were way down this week, who knows what will happen.

We did go to the opera and enjoyed it greatly. The New Yorker reviewer is a bit down on the Met, but we are grateful for the close-by HD recordings. He doesn't like the direction of the operas, and he thinks the HD versions will kill opera elsewhere. Sigh. Hard to think of that when it has become so easy for us to participate in something meaningful to us. When we left the theater at about 5 p.m. it was snowing and very very windy. Merwin had to remove lots of snow from the car and then come get me and my wheelie, both huddled behind a wall. There's always a bit of excitement about the first snow—but very unexpected in October: climate change? The drive home was beautiful, if a little hazardous with a fallen tree.

Our older sons called on Sunday to see if we were suffering from the effects of the storm. They lost power, but we lost only heat, for some reason. Merwin and I tried to walk at the beach but soon turned back from the frigid and powerful wind. Later that day I finished screening the Patrick Stewart Macbeth and writing extensive notes, and my aim is to write a lucid paragraph before Laury comes to work with me tomorrow, Friday.

Monday, Joan called and asked if lunch would be a possibility: YES! We went to Kiraku, and our meals were excellent (we shared a bit). It's the best. And they know me there. Later there was Halloween, and we are sure that parents are bringing kids to our neighborhood because we have very few of our own children here these days. Merwin did the honors and I watched them come up the walk. Sammy was a favorite with all, who wanted to know if he was real or not. Well, he is real, but not a live dog.

Tuesday and Thursday Boeta came, and we are getting along fine. We walked at the water, which she enjoys. I like to keep her happy. After our walks, I led her through some kitchen work, or she led me, and then exercises: I didn't get through the whole cycle today—too fagged.

Dave made us a delicious kugle yesterday afternoon, and we will be having seconds tonight when Lincoln comes. He's on his way now.

That's all folks!



Love,
Bernice

Friday, October 28, 2011

This and That

Michèle and Raymond are having a good time with two of their grandsons, the ones who live in Le Harve. Above, they are at a huge fair. We admire their stamina—and from their communications to us—their joy in the growing pleasures of participating in the lives of these developing children.

Dear Friends and Family,

My communications are not coming very fast, I know. But there is little to say, or I have dried up. That's the more likely reason for the dearth of blog-updates.

We learned a few days ago that Mt. Sinai had inadvertently missed one of the blood tests they needed for the trial. What with one thing and another, we didn't get around to getting a blood draw until today, Friday, and the results won't reach Dr. K. until Monday, and to Dr. M. thereafter. If that is OK, then I think it will be a "go," perhaps as soon as next Thursday.

I had wanted to go to the City this weekend, but Merwin did not want to encounter the Halloween parades. So if we don't begin the trial next week, I would like to go to the apartment.

Ilona went with me to Tappan Beach and the Sycamore walk today. She wanted to see how to get there from her home nearby. I think it's likely that Merwin and I will run into her and Manny sometimes on that walk. It was a high tide today, sun glistening on the water, clouds soft and scattered.

I finished another Donna Leon mystery, and have begun (E. are you reading this?) a Trollope novel I found on my book shelf, The Vicar of Bullhampton, not the more famous Vicar of Wakefield and not as good, I think. It's a lovely reprint with drawings reproduced from a 19th-century printing. I am especially interested in it because Sophie is writing her disertation about 19th-20th-century literature, that is, she will be writing when she finishes her course work next semester.

  • Tomorrow we are going to our first HD Met opera, a favorite, Don Giovanni.
  • Now I must turn to Macbeth, Laury is returning from Staunton tomorrow, and I hope to have something for her for our chapter.
  • Dawn, you are high on my list!
Love to all,
Bernice

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Boita and me, busy in the kitchen on her second day with me< Friday 21 Oct. Looks nice, doesn't she? I think we will work well together. We are standing near our kitchen window, separating flowerlets of cauliflower.

Dear Friends and Family,

Thursday was the big day at Mt. Sinai. We left the house at 8:15, and I arrived in the reception area by 9:45 for our 10:00 appointment. With my wheelie, I was able to get there by myself after Merwin dropped me off at the entrance. Once there, a misunderstanding led us in a chase for guidance. The reception desk should have phoned Dr. M.'s office to get someone to meet me there, but instead they told me to go directly to X-ray. Once there (a long walk, probably about two city blocks if not more, they didn't know what to do with me, until finally Alice and Amy showed up from Dr.M's office with scripts in their hands. Alice went over the protocol for the drug to make sure I understood the procedures; I signed it and after some discussion I was called in for an ultrasound, then a quick turnaround to X-ray, also fast. At this point, I was ready for breakfast, which we got in the cafeteria on the 1st floor. Pizza and coke.

After that, there was a wait for June to arrive at 1 o'clock to draw blood, do another EKG, then draw more blood, and finally draw some more over a space of hours. We had been taken into an examining room for all this, had seen a cheery Dr. M and his team in the hall, and everyone, including me were raring to go. The hardest part was the BMB of course, but I have been through this so many times that I can take it. Dr/ M is very good at it. Bo, a 4th-year med student, was his helper, and Dr. M. chatted with him about plans for next year, evidently taken with this fellow's gifts. What I noticed about him was that he had a rather serious demeanor but flashed the most radiant smiles when probed. After that. other tests, results placed in the drug co.'s form for their analysis. Dr. M also biopsied the rash, almost faded to nothingness, on my legs. A problem had turned up in June's first blood draw: platelets 46. They had to be at least 50 for me to get in. Normal low is 150. Dr. M. asked a technician to examine a sample of my blood again and count the platelets: this, without telling her why. The answer came back: 52. Hooray by all. Dr. M, enthusiastically, I'll take it, get that in the computer.

By the time we left, it was after 5 p.m. I waited on the sidewalk for Merwin to get the automobile, sitting on my wheelie. Merwin thought it would be a great idea to stop at Sarabeth's for a light meal, the one a couple of blocks away on Madison. I agreed somewhat reluctantly, but I certainly could see the advantage of leaving after some of the rush had receded. We had a nice meal: I had the famous tomato soup and french fries and took some fries home.

At home, I was so tired I could cry, but not sleep. Eventually I drifted off. Dr. M told me to stop the Hydrea, and I am sure that's why I was more energetic when I got up the next day. When Boita came, she put my wheelie in her car and we drove to the beach for a brisk walk. I felt better than I had in a long time. The two biopsied sites were somewhat painful, but nothing to speak of, nothing a little Tylenaol couldn't cure. Boita did the wash, and then we worked in the kitchen on baked cauliflower and sauteed cabbage‚ this latter from Sonia. I had Boita throw into both the other veggies in the drawers that needed to be used.

After she left, Stan and Doris arrived for our lunch at the Fishery Grill. This was the 3rd time for Merwin and me, and I said that would be it for me. I had 3 strike outs. On the other hand, Merwin liked his choices, so I might try one of those if he insists on going again. Kiraku is far better in every way, ambiance, food, service,

I finished another Donna Leon novel. Easy reaidng. Lots of Venice.

No more chit chat; awaiting word about whether I start on the infusions within the 28-day window allowed. That is, they have to get me started within 28 days for what I and they signed to be in effect.

Much to think about.

Love to all,
Bernice

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I am provisionally in the trial



At the top, Raymond, taking one of his signature "mirror" photos. often of a whole group. The blue frame of the mirror and its decorations speak "Tunisia." Below is Michèle sporting a hat we got in Montauk when we were there together—with a view of the Tunisian resort and the ocean, as blue as Raymond's mirror.

Dear Friends and Family,

A quick update because I plan to get to bed, if not to sleep, early, so I can get up at 6:30 a.m. We received today the awaited email from Dr. M at Mt Sinai, telling us that I had been accepted to be screened for the trial. That's what we will be spending a good part of tomorrow doing: my signing the consent form before a witness, chest Xray, ultrasound, blood work no doubt, and finally, a bone marrow biopsy (BMB). The last one I had was probably a year ago, though time and events are shaky in my mind. Merwin and I both think that this process will be harder for the other: I feel bad about his hours of waiting; he feels bad about all I have to go through. The test results will determine whether I can go ahead, and that may be as early as next week.

Our best news is that our son Harvey's work on the workings of pre-eclampsia (to oversimplify a bit), published in a scientific journal a little over a week ago was picked up by many news outlets all over the world, and yesterday the NY Time's Science Times published a reporter's view of his work. It's "Turncoat of Placenta is Watched for Trouble,” p. D5.

This afternoon, Harvey spoke at length with Dr. M. who gave Harvey the keen feeling that he wanted to help us, that he cared about us. So Harvey is giving us his green light.

Also this week, on Tuesday, Boita. my new aide, came for the first time. She is about the age of my granddaughters, I guess, because her mother is in her 50s. But she is pleasant, warm and helpful. We went for a walk together in the neighborhood, but she would not mind driving me to the beach, or anywhere else I would like to go. I have given up driving, another narrowing of my life, but I have adjusted to it OK.

Today Merwin and I went out for lunch with Miriam and Eli to celebrate his birthday. I enjoyed our discussion, covering new and old issues that interest us. But after yesterday's workout, I was content mainly for the remainder of the day to read the Donna Leon mystery that Kathryn brought on Monday (thank you, Kathryn!), when the writing group met. It was a lively meeting, with supper at Kiraku and then readings by 6 of us. I didn't read and Joe and Anna were not able to come. I started to freewrite, which has always been for me the source of energy and ideas, but what I produced was so insipid that I gave it up. That's OK.

And I must not forget that on the weekend, Harvey, Sandy, and Rachael came by for a lunch at the new seafood restaurant in Glen Head. I think I have not made good choices so far from the extensive menu, and I am determined to make a better pick next time. Everyone but me seemed pleased with what they had. Afterward we returned to the house for ice cream and apple compote (Sonia's). Sandy and I took a walk around the neighborhood. With my rolator, I should feel fairly confident on my own, but the hills in the neighborhood make me think I need a watchful person with me. Sophie also came, with lots of good food for Merwin and me, and chatted with us all.

We also had a visit from Marty and Joan, from RSNS , who learned about my condition only because they saw the member-to-member request Merwin put out (that's how we found Boita). They brought gorgeous yellow tulips that all these days since then look beautifully fresh and lively. They are in a vase that Sophie gave me.

Shakespeare work? One entry added to our alphabib. Not much to shout about. But I am content with life as it has now shaped itself, though a bit nervous about this trial.

Love to all,
Bernice

Friday, October 14, 2011

Thursday at Mt. Sinai



At the top, Raymond, king of the hill, on our trip to France in 2003. Happy memories. Below, Arthur and me last weekend.

Dear Friends and Family,

We had an 8-hour day yesterday going to and from and being at Mt. Sinai. Dr. M. had warned us that his schedule was very full, so a wait was inevitable. I was hungry when we got there, so Merwin went searching for food for me: I was glad of that because sitting there for hours with hunger pangs would have been worse. Finally we got to see the P.A. and Tim, the person in charge of the study. He clarified many things for us: this is not the old study as Merwin and I had thought. This is a brand new study that observes how a drug that has already been proven to reduce fibrosis in other organs can reduce it in the bone marrow. Besides a measurement of my enormous spleen and an EKG, we mostly chatted. Again the Bundle appeared in my EKG, and this may preclude my participation. Dr. M. will confer with a Mt. Sinai cardiologist about it. Our cardiologist, a very laid back sort of guy, has said it is nothing, So we'll see. I would be the first person world-wide to try this drug, which is kind of exciting. Hopes are not up too far.

Sonia had her last day yesterday, and there were tears on both sides. I gave her two bibles that I am pretty sure I won't use anymore, one an exact reprint of a 1589 Bible with copious side notes and the other my favorite New Testament, with photos of the Holy Land. She and I did our usual things—she did the wash and tidied the kitchen. She showed me how she makes her cabbage stir-fry with sesame oil. I had that for lunch with noodles.

Our new aide will be starting on Tuesday. I liked her right away, and she got a glowing reference. So we'll see how that works.

My work has slowed down a lot. I am resting, cooking a bit, reading.

That brings me up to date. Love to all,
Bernice

Monday, October 10, 2011

Nws from Dr. M.


Sophie and Brendan's three girls are ready for Halloween—most dramatically fearsome, Gracie; and right there with her, Katie; and just a little somber, Sarah. How sweet these girls are and how much we love them. Cowgirl Sarah is pleased to show her drawing at the top.

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing with the big news that I heard from Dr. M. this afternoon; his nurse practitioner in charge of a drug trial thinks I am a "fit," so we are going in to Mt. Sinai on Thursday for various tests. This trial is one that did not fit me some months ago, but some parameters have changed so that I can probably be part of it. Its effect, if it works, is to help the fibrotic condition of my bone marrow, which would slow down the progress of the cancer. It may not have any effect on my spleen, and there are lots of caveats attached, including what may be deleterious effects of the drug (just think of reading the insert that comes with the drugs your doc wants you to take—only worse). It entails visits to the hospital for infusions every two weeks—and lots and lots of tests, including some I have been avoiding, and some I have had before, like bone marrow biopsy. Dr. M. has done that before, so I am familiar with how he works it. Anyway, I am eager to try anything that can improve my situation.

In addition, it seems we will have no problem finding someone to take Sonia's place±—though in essence no one could take her place. One woman came today—and if her reference checks out, she will be good I think. I liked her right away. Others are coming on Wed.

Laury came over today for a little over an hour, and we worked on the Macbeth chapter. I was amazed that my mind seemed to work; she has drawn material mainly from my book and has been artfully condensing it. She also went for a walk with me.

That's all for today, I think. No use writing about meals because they were quite ordinary, cobbled together from what is on hand.

Love and Good wishes to all,
Bernice

Sunday, October 9, 2011

A very warm October day




At the top, A visit this weekend from Arthur and Debbie. A very arduous trip from New Hampshire that they cannot manage very often: we were glad to spend Yom Kippur with them. In the middle, Dan Schierhorst at his High School reunion with his wife Gisele. He's an old running buddy: a group of us ran locally, or drove to other neighborhoods for memorable treks . Very enjoyable. Dan since has produced some wonderful photographs, one of which is on display in my study. Below is another photo of Sandy Schor with her father, me and Merwin. This clearly shows the green that Ellen Sykes thinks makes selling our apartment problematic; is is that bad?

Dear Friends and Family,

Well, the bottom fell out of my life with Sonia announcing on Thursday that she had, as she had intimated, a full-time job. She was planning to come to me one morning a week until I could get settled with someone else. Oh my! I have had an easy time with those who have come to help me, but Sonia and I have developed a close bond, and she knows just what to do.

Merwin put out a message to what is called the member-to-member site for RSNS, our synagogue, and so far two people have phoned who want to come for interviews. So I am hopeful it all will work out. But I cannot replace Sonia, our camaraderie and ease.

Thanks to Kathryn, I started reading and quickly finished a mystery by Donna Leon. Kathryn's writing about the writer is in my view superior to the novelist's writing, but I was alert to some of the observations Kathryn had made. The setting is Venice, the hero Commissioner Guido Brunetti, who, as Kathryn emphasized, is that rarity in the mystery genre, a family man, with a wife, son and daughter. Unfortunately, the county library system has only the 4th in this series for me, but Kathryn will loan me some of her volumes. Having something solid to read, not just the newspaper, is a good diversion for me.

The visit of Arthur and Debbie was easy and pleasant—easy because with the fast day there was no food to prepare until the end of the day on Saturday, and I made it very simple for myself by defrosting a few servings of meat loaf. Then there were the noodles Sonia had prepared, jarred tomato sauce, string beans flavored with finely chopped and sauteed onions, the Rabbi's wonderful Challah, which had been waiting for this day in the freezer. And to top it off we had the champagne that Anne had brought when she came to go for a walk with me.

Sunday morning I had the pleasure of making Challah French Toast for Merwin and Arthur. Debbie is a strictly coffee person for breakfast, and I had pancakes from the mix that Sylvia and I bought at Youngs' Farm and that Sonia had helped me prepare. I have a few more servings of that to enjoy.

Not much Shakespeare these last few days, of course, but I did have the naches [the joy one feels at the accomplishments of others, especially one's children] of reading a fine review by Dawn in the Shakespeare Bulletin. She is doing very well in spite of everything—including a job that is too hard.

Merwin and I had a brief Skype talk with Jesús and family. Now that we know how to do this, we will be able to chat more often. At 11 p.m. they are still up and working!

Love to all, with naches to spare,
Bernice

Wednesday, October 5, 2011





Again, lots of photos to share. At the top, Rabbi Lee visited, bringing a big round Challah for the holiday. I don't know why my knee is showing. Next comes Sandy and Harvey, celebrating her birthday. Then Ellen Sykes, who sold us our apartment, and finally a lovely family visit from Shara, Gideon and baby Sandy Schor. A very poignant, heart-catching name, again in our apartment.

Dear Friends and Family,

When I don't write for a while, it's not for lack of something to write about: it's time and energy and having to conserve both. I have been working a little on JR's bibliography, and writing the blog takes up time that could be spent on the work. But writing the blog is a memory chest for me, a way to recall what I have done and who I have seen.

My big news is that I have heard from Amy, Dr. M's, P.I., that there may be a trial for me to enter. I should know something by the end of the month, which will give me time to continue my recovery from the downturn of last month. If only the drug could reduce the size of my spleen I'd be grateful. I don't expect miracles. I have no details, don't know if it's a double-blind test, where I might get a placebo.

The work on Merwin's study continues: new sheet rock for the soaked portion of the wall, a new closet, a new bathroom cabinet. It will be weeks before it's done. In the meantime, Merwin's computer is now on the desk next to mine, and we are sitting side by side as we write or read the computer news.

Last weekend, we saw the Schor family, as noted in the photo above. Difficult as it is to travel anywhere with a baby, they made the effort to introduce Sandy to us. She is adorable, alert, and cautious—a sign of maturity. She's about 16 months old. It's a pang, certainly, to say and hear her name. Her grandmother Sandy should have been here to meet her 7th grandchild. But it's a joy that we can meet her.

In addition to the Schor family, we saw Ellen Sykes, the real estate agent who found this ideal apartment (for us). We discussed selling it with her. She cast her critical eye around to assess what we had done—and took baleful note of the light green walls: they would be off-putting to many who do not have the imagination to see that the problem could be solved easily. Rachael came over later in the afternoon, agreed that green is wrong, and offered to paint the walls herself, with her sister, perhaps.

For supper, we picked up some food from Pret a Manger and took it to the park to enjoy the sights. Rachael insisted on treating us. It's lovely that she (and her sister too) want to do that.

I should mention that on Saturday night, we tried a new restaurant within our walking circle. It was nominally Chinese but promised to be all things to all diners, including kosher. We were seated, somewhat reluctantly, at a small table: a big party was coming for which large round tables were set. A young woman seated near us at a table for four offered her table in exchange for ours: very sweet of her.

Eventually, right after we had placed our order, the large party came in—and came and came and came. Turned out there is an upstairs also, which swallowed up many. They were served communal style, ate for less than 10 minutes and then streamed out as quickly as they had entered. We surmised it must be a tourbus full, and we saw it across the street. It was smart of the tour people to take their clients to this restaurant situated on 39th street between 5th and Madison, an empty thoroughfare during the evening, far from crowded Chinatown. I spoke to a young man standing near our table, and he clearly did not know any English at all, except to say "No English."

It was pouring when we left, but Merwin had a big umbrella. We stopped at Pay-Less, on the corner of 5th and 39th, where I found a pair of slippers for Glen Head. And so it goes: It's pleasant to be on the City even when we do very little. Seeing people is enough.

Love to all,
Bernice

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Rosh Hashanah is upon us





I have so many photos right now, I could do a blog with photos alone! I will save some for after the holiday. At the top, Merwin ironing the many files from his water-logged cabinets. Next, Merwin, Michèle and I are relaxing outside a wonderful seaside place in Tregastel, Brittany, France, in 2003. Though I was already feeling the effects of the MPD that is now putting me down, I was able to do so much more than I can now. I have to admit I am happy with the memories and do not wish to travel any more. Raymond. below, is the one who takes the photos—we didn't even have a camera then—so we rarely get a photo of him. What a handsome guy! At the bottom is Tom, whom we have known since his birth, son of Dotty, our first Long Island neighbor: Tom's done very well as a valued member of the Glenwood Fire Department—and you can see he is quite a fisherman.

Dear Friends and Family,

I have been struggling with itching and hope to contact my oncologist soon for any advice. I am taking the Gabapentin, which is supposed to help, and Zyrtec, which I pop like candy—I don't know how many a day, but the itching continues: I am sitting here now with an itch on the foot, an itch on the shoulder, an itch on the belly—well, you get the idea.

My work has been enjoyable to me because it is easy to do, not quite mindless, but almost, and potentially useful to many. You would be amazed about facts that slip out of my head. And that makes the work go slowly, but when the work is done no one can tell that I agonized about a word missing from my head, trying to jog my memory. I would be ashamed to admit to what I forget! This is the work: José Ramón prepared a fantastic bibliography for the book edited by Sarah and Nathalie, which I mentioned a while ago (an essay of mine is included). JR has given me permission to use it on our website, and I am preparing it for that purpose. He tells me that he has more items to add to the list, which of course grows and grows, as new essays and books appear: Hamlet is the most written-about play in the canon. I hope JR adds and adds. Sarah and Nathalie say we cannot mount it on the site until they have the publisher's permission, which they expect will come in 3 months or so. That gives me lots of time to format it for the site. This will be part of the great information that is available on hamletworks.org.

With Sonia to help, on Tuesday I invented a new dish. I had an excess of carrots, so I had her grate quite a few in the Cuisinart and sauteed them in a little oil with onions and garlic until they were very soft, then added a can of the great tomatoes Dave gets for us: They are so much better than Hunt's. which used to be good but which are now hard as rocks from, I bet, excess preservative in the can. The brand is San Marzano (I believe: the label is hard to read), grown in the USA. The tomatoes are small and round and melt easily into the sauce. That was supper, poured over some of the weekly supply of noodles, with a plentiful addition of grated cheese. Sonia asked me where I got the recipe: no recipe, just what's on hand.

Merwin has finally completed his work of ironing and Don, the builder who built his study and mine in 1998, has been supervising the work of ripping out whatever did not survive the water damage: closet, vanity in the bathroom, and much much more. Merwin thinks many things can be saved: but no one else agrees. I offered to empty as many of my file drawers as he would need—and that seemed to satisfy him. I certainly don't need my files anymore. Also, since we plan to sell our NYC apartment in the spring, he can have the couch that is there.

I have not even gone downstairs to see his study and bathroom. I can imagine it well enough.

Our insurance nowhere near will cover our losses. But I think of all those who lost all their belongings as well as their homes and know that in comparison we are very very lucky.

The itching continues apace. I think I will take another Zyrtec and hope it puts me to sleep!

Love to all,
Bernice

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sonia is back!

Nathalie with a Shakespeare colleague, Sarah at far right, and their friend Victoria in the middle—all at the conference this past summer in Prague. Nathalie and Sarah became professors a few years ago, an arduous process in France, and they both work very hard.

Dear Friends an Family,

I met Sarah 9n 1999 when José Ramón (from U. of Málaga) organized with his most collegial colleagues the first ever international conference on screened Shakespeare. There were 5 keynote speeches, I believe, and JR invited me to give one. What an experience. The conference itself was in a lovely seaside resort, Belamádena, on the Mediterranean. Our days and nights were full of pleasures, camaraderie, good food (eaten very late), and scholarly enrichment. My talk was on the problems with Branagh's filmed version of Hamlet: the room was full of students from all over Spain and by Shakespeareans from all over the world—and the scholar who had worked with Branagh on the film. I am not going to get into why I found the film disappointing, after admiring very much Branagh's other films made before this one. But I do remember that a colleague from MIT said to me afterward that she thought I was a wonderful role model for all the young female students and scholars there because I had the nerve to criticize a film with the senior scholar who had worked with him in the audience. I had thought nothing of it. I was aware of the people in the front row, nodding vigorously in agreement with me.

The scholar got his revenge, whether purposely or not. We went on many bus trips—and he joined me on my seat the day of my talk. Trouble was that he had a miserable cold, and after traveling with him for an hour perhaps, I was sure to get it also. He may just have wanted to indicate to everyone on the bus that he had no hard feelings about my talk.

Sarah and I spoke often at the conference. She was absolutely wonderful because though she loved (and probably loves) Branagh's Hamlet, she was interested in my view as well. She is a bubbly, bright enthusiast. Such generosity of spirit. We saw her subsequently in Paris (10 years ago when Merwin and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary with our family in London and then spent a week in Paris where Sarah lives), and at conferences she and Nathalie organized in Rouen, where we were able to stay with our friends Michèle and Raymond. What lovely connections all around.

My friend Anne came yesterday to walk with me, and on the day before that, my friend Joan came but since walking looked dicey, we went to Bernard's for a salad, and then to my manicure shop. At last, nice clean nails!

Sonia returned today! I missed her greatly. Her calm presence is soothing, and she encourages me to do more than I might otherwise do. We did quite a lot of kitchen work as well: noodles cooked for the week, salad dressing made after a long hiatus, broccoli, lettuce. After a nice massage, I rested from the exertion. No chance of getting to the computer: I needed a long rest—though eventually I got around to organizing some dresser drawers: Does anyone need 500 t-shirts? I don't think so. Laury came over, and we chatted about our work together, but she also went with me on a second walk and helped me with some clothes issues. I had brought some of my leggings from 4E where I don't need them anymore, and asked Laury to see if Elyssa, her beautiful daughter, would like them. Laury is going to find out if someone who is studying medieval literature might want to take some books.

Don, the builder who worked on our addition, came to see the damage in Merwin's study. (Merwin's beautiful rug, by the way, got a thorough cleaning and looks great.) Don will be here tomorrow to pull down whatever cannot be salvaged. It looks like a LOT of work needs to be done. I stay upstairs: ignorance is bliss. Merwin spends a large amount of time working on his damaged files, sitting and ironing at the kitchen table. {He asked me if, while he was ironing, I would like him to iron our place mats, which had come out of the dryer: I never iron them, but OK, why not?)

On the fly, I invented a dish for dinner tonight, starting about 5:45. Sauteed red pepper pieces, onion, and garlic till soft, added enough noodles from the week's supply for 2 servings, blue cheese crumbled, mild Monterrey Jack (these cheeses were gifts from visitors), a little cottage cheese left over, plus veggie meatballs. Covered to blend flavors and melt the cheese. Very nice. Merwin liked it.

Last night, the Writing Group, all 9 of us, met at Kiraku and then convened in our dining room to read papers. Not everyone read, but we heard some surprisingly revealing words and photos about Anna's love of costumes for Halloween. I dashed into the laundry room and got Eve's purple wig (nice and clean) to give to Anna for some occasion or another. I am trying to dispose of things. Kathryn read a most beautifully crafted piece about a mystery series. I must get the name and information. Toby read her piece she had written for her 50th Boston Latin School reunion. Joe read a polished version of a scene from his book in progress. Jay wrote about teaching strategies he's using. Barbara wrote one of her probing pieces about Ruby, a girl in a very small Missouri town. I read something I had written in 1982 about why I am hooked on Hamlet: not too much has changed.

I can't believe I am still sitting at the computer! I now have a reasonably comfortable set up. I sit on a rollator, which I can lock in place. My feet are on a low stool under the desk. Not quite good enough because my feel are now burning. But an improvement over the last setup.

Love to all,
Bernice

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Back from NYC


One of Lincoln's many activities is building or commissioning costumes and, with a group of like-minded folks, entertaining seniors in nursing homes and children in hospitals, participating in parades, etc. Lincoln in the bottom photo is the dramatic fellow with his left arm raised.

Dear Friends and Family,

Merwin and I went to our apartment in the City this weekend! Hooray! Yes, I was tired, but I was energized by being there, by visits from our granddaughter Michelle and our friend Rick—both of whom came after my two-hour nap! We went to an Indian Restaurant around the corner, less popular than the Chinese restaurant on the same block that we like a lot. But we knew we have to wait for seats there and not at the other. The downside is the 3 steps leading to the dining room—steep, without a railing. Rick and the host practically had to carry me down. A plus was that we decided to take the rollater (walker with wheels), which made it easier for me to get around, much faster than the cane. I had my favorite, Sag Paneer (spinach and firm cottage chese). The Nan was great. Very pleasant. But then there comes a moment when I realize it's over. Unfortunately, in spite of the fatigue, I had to get up those stairs (with Rick's help) and back to the apartment, where I went right to bed. But since it was early, Merwin read to me until it was time to go to sleep.

I slept well, but when I tried to get out of bed at about 7 a.m. this morning, I could not move without pain. It was a new thing, a back pain, no matter which way I turned, but eventually the pain disappeared and I was able to get up. Who knows how this body works?

By the way, this first view of the apartment in a couple of months was a deep pleasure. Michelle and Isabel had left it very neat and clean. I kept on looking around at the art, the mirrors, the rugs and felt we had done a great job, a very satisfying space to be in. We also went for a walk in Bryant Park, using the rollater and avoiding steps. Lovely to be there.

When we came home, I noted the arrival of the book that Sarah and Natalie had put together as they do every two years celebrating their conferences and the papers presented. I did not attend the conference on Hamlet, but they were kind enough to invite me to write a paper, and they included it. I like my essay quite a bit. I am happy when I can write an essay that I enjoy. It's on three Hallmark versions of Hamlet, the latest being from 2000, directed by and starring Scott Campbell. No one has, I think, written about that film/TV production sympathetically.

We returned to Glen Head in mid-afternoon. I already had our meal prepared before we left for the City, so no prep required.

I tried to do some exercises today, but I miss Sonia greatly. She won't be here again till Thursday.

Merwin is talking to Arthur, so I will go now,

Love to all,
Bernice



Thursday, September 15, 2011

Disappearing Act!




From the top, Salvador, who lives with his mother, Lori, in Peru, visited in shifts by our friends, grandparents Rhoda and Mark; Paul and Justine in Paris; grandchildren of our dear friends Michèle and Raymond; and finally, the only grandchildren we have met! They are Rafaella, Noemi and Shayna, the children of Josh and (a different) Lori.

Dear Friends and Family,

I wrote a blog today but somehow lost it: the mysteries of blogging! I suspect it is somewhere in the vapor, and perhaps even accessible, if I knew what I was doing. Dave is here to help Merwin with the pumps downstairs (Hurricane Irene is still with us in spirit!). Perhaps he can find the other blog.

I have finally cleared off a space for the computer to move to the other desk. I cannot say I have looked at every sheet of paper—something I had wanted t do. Once the computer is moved, I will be able to get my feet up and avoid the pain and tingles. And perhaps I will continue to go through the papers. Perhaps. Help would be nice, but what a lame job to ask anyone to do. That is, to read names of writers of various items, xeroxes and such while I check the website to see where they belong.

We have had a plethora of inconveniences, in addition to the residue of Irene. Our TV went dark, mostly, leaving us with only a few channels. No movies, no 24 hour news channels. We had to watch the Senate meetings or nothing. Not that listening to our Senators is uninteresting in the abstract sense, but in the concrete, listening to these people can be tedious and bewildering. When Republican after Republican gets the floor to speak about the pros of doing something—and no democrats do—I am suspicious, though I cannot say what is wrong with the idea. Then 61 Senators voted for a measure I approved, yet the proposal seemed to need yet another vote. Why? The other inconvenience was I think a first: no NY Times. Yikes! It'll come tomorrow.

I had a visit today from Doris, and I whipped up some macaroni and tuna fish for our lunch. Sonia makes a lb for a week's use for various. Easy. Add some canned tuna, celery chopped up, onion, mayonnaise, capers. We all enjoyed it. Doris took me for my walk (I think it lasts about 10 minutes, including frequent stops), and then I collapsed on the couch. Doris say that she should leave at that point, but it was a good time for her too. I miss Sonia, who was not here today.

Later, Laury came over and read my chapter on Ninagawa's Macbeth while I rested on the study couch. She wanted to compare the version she saw at the library with what I wrote. We now think she may have seen the second version, which I also saw but did not write about.

Now Dave is here, and he cannot solve the problem of my lost blog, and he wants to chat, so I will say goodnight!

Love to all,
Bernice





We have had a couple of inconveniences these days.