Back in Glen Head

Dear family and friends,

We were in NYC for just about 24 hours, but it feels like we have been gone for several days. I love being in our apartment, looking out the big windows, especially at night, at the buildings surrounding Bryant Park to the north and west and the NYPL to the east. Watching the skaters is also a delight, day or night. Even the trees continue to be splendid.

The visit to Mt. Sinai went reasonably well. The reason for the meeting with the neurosurgeon was mainly to ask if a stitch that had suddenly crept out into the open from inside my scalp could be removed. It could, and was. It was a stiff little thing, about 1/2" long. Tricky. I had visions of my whole brain coming out along with the stitch. Not really, just a tiny little bit of apprehension. I also was a little concerned that the two depressions in my skull that were getting deeper. That's where the surgeon opened my head to get at the hematoma in my skull. His answer: yes, they were getting bigger. As the skull is healing, the . . . Well, I can't really explain it. Dr. Moyle assured me he could provide plates, I think, to cover the depressions, but I quickly said, "No, thanks," before even finding out how he would do it. Since he's a surgeon it probably would involve a knife. My hair, which is growing in, covers them anyway.

We were also there to hand off the tests done for and by the neurologist (Dr. O), two MRIs, the EMG test, and the incomplete record of the blood tests Dr. O had ordered. As an aside, I had blood drawn 3 times this week. The two doctors, Dr. Moyle and Dr. O, are in agreement that the compressed vertebra from the July fall is not causing the neuropathy in my feet and lower limbs. It's probably the blood condition. We left Dr. Moyle with all the records and perhaps he will look at them, perhaps not.

While we were waiting, a rather long time, for Dr. Moyle, Merwin ran down to the excellent cafeteria at Mt. Sinai and got us each a cup of soup and a roll. Delicious, and a good thing too because we had to be in Dr. Mascarenhas's clinic by 2.45, and it was just that when we started down. We would not have had time for lunch if we had waited (a thought too dreadful to contemplate: nothing at all wrong with my appetite). We got out of the clinic at about 4:45.

Amy and Dr. M were happy to see us. We got hugs from Amy and I got one at the end from Dr. M. It's such a good feeling to know that these practitioners and scientists care about us as individuals. The bad news is that there IS no Comfort trial for us. The trial is over and now the year-long process of proving to the FDA that the drug can be prescribed by physicians has begun. In other words, it'll be at least a year until I can start taking this promising drug. I had not been able to get into this trial a couple of years ago because my bloods were so out of control. Dr. Mascarenhas may have another trial for me soon. In the meantime, my local hematologist should continue to be my doctor, monitoring the chemo I take (doses go up and down according to blood values). So the news was not all good, but neither was it all bad.

You can see why it feels as if we have been away from Glen Head for a long time. And yet the best is yet to be told. Toby and Elliott went with Merwin to Szechuan Gourmet, our faavorite restaurant on the next block. I can't walk there these days, so they ate there and on their return brought me takeout, vegetarian steamed dumplings and scallion pancake. Yum. Elliott had not seen our apartment before and his enthusiasm and admiration were delightful, starting with the building itself (now a landmark building, facade only), and continuing with our apartment, with its magnificent nighttime view. Their permanent residence is now NYC, and they have a lovely apartment within walking distance of Lincoln Center and many other venues. So Elliott's admiration was especially gratifying. A good day, though exhausting.

The next morning Ralph, Judy and Mary Hill, came for breakfast, and we enjoyed the visit enormously. None of these three seem to change, ever. Salt of the earth. Ralph has played a major role in Shakespearean staging, with his return to original practices without pretending that what he does is what Shakespeare did, exactly. The main thing is bare stages, open lighting so that actors and audience members can see each other, speedy delivery, overlapping scenes with no scene changes necessary—and lively, invigorating performances. His several troupes, one in permanent residence in Staunton, VA, playing in the Blackfriars replica theater he caused to be built, and two traveling troupes, have brought the purity of early practice staging to thousands of people. If he were British, he would be knighted. His next project is to build a Globe replica in Staunton. What energy! What enthusiasm! It doesn't matter how long it has been since we three have seen each other: it's immediate closeness. Ralph is very good at making friends and holding them close to his heart.

After that, we braved the snow piles and puddles to go for a short walk in Bryant Park; picked up some sandwiches at the wonderful Pret a Mange (not sure how this is spelled), and even made a purchase at one of the Park's temporary boutiques. After lunch our dear friend Laury came for us and took us home (Dave had driven us in). Next time, though, I am going to try the LIRR—a step toward normality.

I have gone on long enough, enjoying my talk with all of you. Your news is very welcome.

Love,
Bernice

Love,
Bernice

What a day!

Is this snow real? Francesca and Ciara live in Italy. They may have been visiting England, where their father was doing Shakespeare research. In any case, snow in unusual places is an indication of climate change: that's what we should call it because certain types cite the unusual snows to support their theory that global warming is perfectly natural and has nothing to do with what we are spewing into the atmosphere.

Dear Friends and Family,

Did you read this morning's NYT front page? Big article on what can go terribly wrong with radiation therapy in the brain and spine. The fault seems to be the technician’s or radiologist’s in not setting up the machine correctly for these high dose, finely pinpointed blasts. These procedures are different from the multiple blasts that Merwin will receive, but it does give one pause. The machines delivering the radiation are all by the Varian Co.

Yesterday, Sonia could not get out of her street, which had had no plow come through at all, so Merwin was stuck making the oven-fried chicken cutlets. We were also trying to listen to the Nightly News and did not pay proper attention. Some smaller pieces of cutlet are like boards. Good old Merwin: he gamely ate one serving anyway and put most away in the freezer for other meals. Chewy but good, he said (I don't eat chicken, of course).

Sonia's dilemma reminded me of Feb. 1969, when Mayor Lyndsey did not get the streets of Queens and Brooklyn plowed for over a week after a huge snowstorm. Then the weather did not warm up, as it presumably will here in the next day or so. I remember this snow very well because at the time I had sat for my oral defense after submitting my thesis: I don't believe this is done any more; one's adviser signs off on the thing and that's the end. I had to sit at a table with about 5 professors, who had presumably read the dissertation and who queried me about it, and suggested changes. In those days, someone had typed the dissertation for me and had made 6 copies, all of which I had submitted. I had no worries about the dissertation defense, because I knew that no one was as expert in the field of John Barbour studies as I now was, having spent a year or two on the dissertation. That's another story I may get to. I also, frankly, did not give a damn, because my beloved friend, Merwin's sister, had died suddenly on Feb. 5, just a couple of weeks before, and nothing in life was as important as that fact, that this beautiful, cheerful, life-loving 34-year-old was no longer with us. I left the inquisition room with my briefcase full of the five copies that had been marked up, as well as my own clean copy. I was to revise my dissertation accordingly, but I just had to submit one copy, which probably would not be examined at all. I took the LIRR home and absent-mindedly left the briefcase, more precious than the contents, on the train—not realizing what I had done until I got on the Oyster Bay leg of the train ride. As soon as I got home, I called the LIRR and was directed to Lost & Found. Someone had given the briefcase and its contents to a conductor, who would take it to Lost & Found, where I could pick it up—in Queens. In the meantime, a huge snowstorm that had blanketed the whole area, had wreaked havoc in Queens. Gamely, Merwin and I drove through the messy streets, sometimes, if I remember correctly—and I may not—having to back out of a street and try another. I got the briefcase and faced the contents.

We had no trouble getting out of our little street. The story goes that someone in the neighborhood works for the Town of Oyster Bay and makes sure we have access from our little street to a main road. Pull. We spent hours at the Dr.O's office, getting an EMG, a test of my nerves. Turns out this tests only major nerves, not the tiniest ones. All the former are OK, so the trouble with my legs and feet must be caused by the tiny ones. What to do has to be worked out. In the meantime, I will try a medicine he suggested.

Tomorrow we go to Mt. Sinai, a big double-duty day, first with the neurosurgeon, then with Dr. M, whom we hope will put me on a trial drug that shows a lot of promise in ameliorating the worst symptoms. I have to qualify. But then we get to stay overnight in our apartment and have breakfast with our dear friends, Ralph and Judy, from Virginia, who are coming through. We expect to lay on a feast, courtesy of Zytenz, our next-door specialty store. Joy to look forward to, no matter what happens on Thursday!

Love to all,
Bernice

Snow and prostate news

These pictures are especially for bloggers in California, Texas, Arizona, Florida and Spain who sometimes doubt the news reports. Click to enlarge and return to the blog by clicking the the return black arrow.

Yes, we also had snow in Glen Head. It appeared to be about 20 inches of the stuff but the strong winds and consequent drifting makes that hard to judge. The pictures show the chronology associated with my own participation in this snowfall. The view is from my open garage door at the modest expanse of winter white. My snow blower was in peak condition and eager to get to work and its enthusiasm was contagious as I started up the engine. On his last trip down here from his New Hampshire home, son Arthur checked out and tuned up this winter wonder. Last year it was let out only two times for there was little snow but this early storm may portend a more active season. The next picture shows the snow blower resting with the job only half done and wondering why I am doing this fun work in two sessions. As best I could I explained that I would be back soon after I had my hot chocolate and a toasted bagel. And we did conclude in decently clearing the drive as seen in the final shot. Of course, snowy scenes bring to my mind my boyhood in Buffalo where, donned in my corduroy knickers that would freeze stiff as a board, I had an almost daily task of clearing the ever-falling snow with an old fashioned shovel. After such tasks all the neighborhood boys would play hockey on the icy streets that were never plowed in those days, and we did this under streetlights as the dark came in the late afternoons. As a teenager there were the added chores of stoking the furnace in the basement by feeding it shovels full of anthracite coal from the nearby coal bin. After the coals burned down a crank was turned to drop the ashes below the firebox. The often still-smoldering ashes were collected in metal bushels to be carried to curbside for morning collection. How much easier life is now with our automaticity and faithful work companions like my snow blower.

One of Bernice’s doctor appointments was cancelled yesterday since the office closed due to the snow. The JCC was also closed so there was no water aerobics for me but my snow exercises may have compensated somewhat. Today we went to Bernice’s neurologist who is trying to determine if her leg and feet pains have a nerve origin.

Regular bloggers will know that I have recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. There have been many emails and phone calls asking what is being done and how I am feeling. I am feeling fine and am distressed mainly over the time and distracting nature of my coming treatment from doing what I can for my dear Bernice. I am going to discuss what I now know of the course of intended treatment so if that is not of interest please skip to the end.

A few treatment options were considered but one had the strong recommendation of my urologist. The cancer, although confined to the prostate, is at an advanced stage so the wait-and-see option would be very risky. Surgery for my age and the cancer condition was deemed problematic by the top prostate surgeon at Sloan Kettering. I am going forward with a combined hormone-radiation therapy. The main purpose of the hormone (it is called Eligard) is to severely reduce my testosterone level. Testosterone evidently speeds or somehow encourages prostate cancer growth. Before the development of such drugs castration was often the treatment choice. I am pleased to skip that prospect. On December 23 I received my first hormone injection, which is a one-month dose. I am to be alert to any side effects like night sweats or hot flashes or anything untoward. The young woman PA who administered the shot said that the hot flashes were woman’s revenge. I protested that I had done nothing. So far, there are no symptoms at all. After three months of hormone treatment the prostate will be “debulked” or shrunk in size which will be an advantage in the radiation phase. Hormone treatment will be for about three years.

Radiation oncology has advanced considerably in the past two decades. In the past cancerous tumors were killed by intense doses of radiation but the downside was that nearby tissue was often damaged. This result has been significantly eliminated by very impressive technology. Each radiation dose will be of two minutes duration and the beam of radiation will attack the cancerous prostate from a different direction during each session. There will be 48 sessions, Monday to Friday, with the time at the facility (I am told) no more than 15 to 20 minutes. The different directionality of each dose will create a cumulative exposure at the cancer and minimize the collateral damage to surrounding tissue.

In order to achieve precise targeting of the prostate two small gold sticks will be embedded in each side of my prostate. There will be a setup session in which a scan will be made and the results fed into a computer system. Subsequently, these gold markers will provide highly accurate fiducial marks to guide the radiation beam to exactly the correct place. I am greatly fascinated by the hardware and software of this system and know that, in addition to being cured, will be greatly entertained as I learn first hand about the process. For those who want to learn even more, this is the place at which I will be treated and Dr. Zinberg is my doctor:

http://www.advancedradiationcenters.com/drzimberg

At this time there is no plan to have little radioactive pellets embedded in the prostate. It is unlikely (I am told) that there will be hair loss, nausea, or pain.

May good forces be with everyone in the coming year.

Love to all,

Merwin

Abundant snow

The photos give some idea of our blizzard of 26 Dec through today. The photo of our deck, taken through the glass doors, shows how much there is. You cannot even see our 12' high stools. The sweep of the snow on the railing shows the wind's effect. The tree on the right is actually much closer to me; it fills my window, and it looks much more snow-laden than the photo version.


Dear friends and family,

I was lucky to get my walk in just as the first flakes had started yesterday. Merwin had gone out early to get bird seed for our feeders and found a mob at the supermarket. We have lots of food, leftover from the birthday party. I converted the salmon fillet into salmon salad and packed for the freezer most of the kedgeree, with two servings for Viv and Mel, which Merwin took over. All the candy went into the freezer too. That was my main work for the day, along with shelling the cooked beans to be added to Sandy's tomato soup, to which I will also add some tiny noodles. It was a very lazy day. My excuse was that I was recovering from the day before. My main activity was watching three movies. Don't ask me what they were. Nothing worth remembering. One was by the Coen brothers, the one about a bowling team to put it in its lowest denominator terms. Silly stuff, but it kept us wondering where it would go. I found I could lie on the couch in the study and see the computer screen where the movie was rolling.

Something happened with the power during the night, but by the time I was ready to get up it was back again. We are lucky here because a Lilco plant is nearby, and it seems to take care of our neighborhood. I an wondering if we will get to Dr. O today. The JCC is closed so no water aerobics for Merwin.

As you can tell, I have nothing much to say. The main reason for writing is to show the photos.

More interesting blogs to come, I promise.

Love,
Bernice



Merwin is out the door already, eager to try his snow blower, which he and Arthur had made ready for the winter.

I am wondering if I will get to my appointment

Birthday Joy

Dear friends and family,

Merwin had a grand birthday. He even got a chance once in a while to get a few words in. Harvey and Sandy came in the morning bearing all the fixings for lunch and dinner, including a huge salad and all sorts of appetizers. Sandy took over the kitchen, and Harvey picked up Rachael in Port Washington. We five ate lunch in my study, the brightest room in the house. Later in the afternoon Michelle, Dave and Lincoln arrived, and in the evening. in time for dinner, the last members of our party, from Brooklyn Sylvia, Marty, and Sylvia's brother Ron, who had driven there from Eire, PA, a rare occurrence. So there were eleven of us at dinner, a grand party. Sandy made tomato soup, Rachael made the kedgeree Merwin had requested and french fries, and Sandy of course had made the cake, which was gorgeous, chocolate frosting decorating the orange cake. And of course Sandy, who arranges flowers, had brought a beautiful bouquet. Many many people called to say "Happy Birthday. Too many to list.

The only down side was that Harvey decided that the threat of snow meant that they had to leave that night, and not stay over as planned. I had been looking forward to a foursome breakfast and a chance to chat. Sandy, who had worked so hard all day, bought the kitchen into pristine shape. The second load was in the dishwasher when I reappeared in the kitchen.

My day was not all that great physically. Lots of fatigue, lots of itching. I had to take to my bed quite often and eventually I had to ask everyone to leave me alone so I could try to sleep. But that was all background. The day belonged to Merwin, who enjoyed the attention. I loved the way Merwin enthusiastically explained his prostate treatments: he really likes the science of it. Of course he had other stories to tell also. I enjoyed his pleasure in being the center of attention and in the nice presents he got: 2 sweaters, 2 shirts, and a very good kitchen knife, lots of candy.

Now we are waiting for the storm, with lots of leftover food to keep us going. I am going to enjoy the day, looking forward to good things this coming week.

Love to all and Happy Holidays with family and friends,
Bernice

Feeling good

Dear friends,

A December 20 press release of Incyte drug trial. Very good results. If you would like to see what it's all about, check this site:

http://investor.incyte.com/phoenix.zhtml?c=69764&p=irol-newsArticle_print&ID=1509517&highlight=

MAYBE this will be available from our Dr. M when we go to Mt. Sinai on Dec. 30th. From the description, it seems perfect for my condition, Myelo Fibrosis. This is no longer a double-blind trial drug. I would get the real thing if I am accepted. The problem is that when I saw the wonderful, Shakespeare-loving Dr. Raza over a year ago, she would not put me on the trial drug because my blood values were off the chart. That's when we left her for the CEP-701 trial at Mr, Sinai, but it did not help the main symptoms.

Today I am sitting here with a smile on my face. I fear that it is not reality-based but results from the Lexapro my doctor wants me to try again to ease the itching. After 2+ weeks on this drug, the itching remains outrageously uncomfortable, but I am sleeping better and feeling more hopeful in general. That's because the drug is supposed to counteract depression. That's not my problem, but it also has side effects that could help my itching. OK, I'll take it for a while.

I also started on Tramadol HCL, suggested by the neurologist, Dr. O, to take as needed in anticipation (not after it starts) of foot and leg pain. Like any narcotic, it has its unpleasant side effects. If it works, the side effects would be worth it. We'll see.

Today is the first day this week that we don't have one or more visits to doctors. Yesterday Merwin had his first shot of the hormone he will be on for the next 2-3 years. Fortunately, once he gets started, he will only have to get it every 3 or 6 months. After three months on the hormone, he starts the radiation therapy. He's as upbeat as ever. He laughs at my jokes.

Dr. O called with the results of the Thoracic MRI yesterday: the T9 vertibra, is, as we know, crushed (the fall on July 23rd did that) and touching but not compressing the spinal cord. I had surgery at Mt. Sinai last August to stabilize the crushed vertebra and keep it away from the spine, so I will ask my neurosurgeon, Dr. M, whom I am also seeing on Dec. 30 at Mt. Sinai, if this condition is a change.

Yesterday, I had a second, a pelvic MRI. Why couldn't I have both on the same day and save me from having to go twice to the MRI facility? Because Medicare would not pay for both unless they were separate procedures. Crazy. A place to save money: pay for both and save on other costs, to say nothing of the hours waiting. The MRI tech praised me for my stoicism and kindness. What was special about my behavior? Nothing. Just my usual self. But evidently, some patients he sees are nasty. Why? What would be the point? At least I have figured out (and checked with the tech) that when the noise stops I can scratch an itch. I think everyone is disposed to be kind to me because I walk slowly with a cane. I don't use it at home, but it helps me in the outside world. And late in the day, I welcome the wheelchairs in the doctors' offices.

This blog has been very medical. Let me say then that Laury came by with a printout of Walter's comments on my Measure for Measure paper. He likes it and made some lovely comments, including some questions. I sent it back with my responses—and I think it is done! I also read and commented on Laury's review of Julie Taymor's Tempest film. I haven't seen the film (of course), but from Laury's review I think I have a good idea of it. That's the purpose of a review, of course.

With Sonia's help I also made a new dish, an egg noodle, baby broccoli, mushroom, sour cream and cottage cheese casserole. That was our lunch, but Merwin didn't eat his portion until about 4 o'clock, when we returned from the MRI. I had two portions, one before and one after the MRI trip. I eat a lot! It's a fight not to lose weight. Fortunately, I like eating. I finished off the leftovers for breakfast this morning.

Now for a day of very welcome rest in preparation for the very heavy day tomorrow, heavy but good: Merwin's birthday!

Happy holidays to all,
Bernice

Lots of doctors

Above (I hope) are photos of a woodpecker that feeds on the suet that Merwin puts out for these birds in a special feeder. The red you see on the right head is a stripe not visible on the sides of the head. We both can see three kinds of woodpeckers from our respective study windows, his study below and mine above. The suet attracts birds with short beaks, too, but they can't get at the suet, held tightly between two bark boards, and soon give up. Behind the bird you can see the tangle of branches that once supported the gorgeous flowers of fall. Somehow the branches have their own beauty.

Dear friends and family,

This has been a doctoring week. I am trying to get at the cause and a cure for the neuropathy that is forcing me to forgo such delicious events as seeing Ralph Cohen receive the Bernard Beckerman Award at the Columbia Shakespeare Seminar earlier this month and hearing his talk (though I will receive a copy, he promises). I will see, him, though, on New Year's Eve morning; he has kindly offered to visit us at W. 40th Street before he and Judy catch a train back to the South. I love making such plans; they buoy me up. I know, though, that circumstances can change plans. It happens over and over again.

Merwin and I met with a new-to-us neurologist. The office which I had visited before my fall on July 23rd could not give me another appointment until mid Jan. to do the further tests that had been planned. So we started over with a Dr. O whom our Dr. K had recommended. A whirlwind, and much more impressive than the neurologist we had seen in July. He must be about 6'7", a Russian from St. Petersberg, and full of himself, but in a charming way. He was more interested in telling us his stories about Shakespeare and Pasternak than in mine (I have one too). What he regrets most about being here, it seems, is that he can pick up a book by Mandlestam (a poet my father revered also) and "get it," that is, the full richness of the Russian language as molded by this great writer, but when he reads any work in English that is supposed to be great, he understands the words, but he doesn't get its deep layers, and he knows he is missing something.

He looked at the list of meds I take, and immediately glommed onto the Thalidomide I had taken for only about 5 weeks last summer. It did no good and was discontinued. I had to take Prednisone with it and didn't get off of that for months and months. Dr. O thought that the Thalidomide may have caused the Neuropathy. He wanted to know how soon after the thalidomide had the symptoms started. He has prescribed a pain drug for me to take as needed, perhaps before going out to dinner (which I have not done since my birthday dinner last July) because I can't sit with my legs dangling down without experiencing pain that gets worse and worse. Movies, the Columbia Shakespeare Seminar, concerts (unless they are in very local venues where I can bring a stool for my feet) are all impossible. Dr. O set me up immediately for two MRIs, the site of the T9 compression of a vertebrae that I crushed when I fell, and the pelvic region, where nerves could affect the feet and legs. The same day I saw him, I had the first MRI. Very uncomfortable because I was itching and could not scratch and because lying on my back on a hard surface is painful. A kind technician helped.

The more immediate and important doctoring has been for Merwin. Now that he has prostate cancer there are various options that have to be explored, and we have visited two doctors so far this week (a urologist and a radiation specialist) and had long consults with each. They carefully laid out their recommendations and provided full and helpful encouragement. This cancer can be cured or at the least restrained. Our son Harvey will speak to both of these doctors as well as to a famed doctor at Sloan Kettering.

Merwin is worried about being able to take care of me, and he was reassured that side effects of his treatment would not be too onerous or debilitating to drive and carry on much as usual, the JCC included. And I am upset because I know I cannot take care of him, except in the usual way I do, by making meals and suggesting what he might make himself. I am a good nurse and want to do whatever he needs.

By the way, "good from bad" point: we both enjoyed the view of the sky garlanded with streams of cloud on our drives to the doctors.

On the family front, Merwin's birthday is on Xmas day, and we will celebrate with a cake that Sandy will make. She and Harvey will prepare the whole dinner, unless I can persuade them to let me make one dish at least.

Yesterday before a doctor visit, Margaret, the whirlwind, came to clean the house because she had not been able to come on her usual day, and she and Sonia were here together. They liked each other immediately. And why not? They are both adorable, lively, charming women. I am lucky!

I can't stop without saying how thrilled I am that Pres. Obama signed the repeal of the "Don't Ask" fiasco, and that the Senate passed the Start Treaty and the 9/11 responders' bill. Wow! as some pundits are saying, a trifeca for the president. But he also mentioned today unfinished business, the Dream (immigration) bill, voted down in the Senate, and closing Guantanamo. He is tenacious.

Love to all, and with all the traveling to doctors, please understand if we miss a day or two.
Bernice

Don't ask, don't tell

Hooray! One good thing has come from this lame [sic] session of Congress. No more "don't ask, don't tell." Still there are other areas of life where this is not a bad policy.

Dear family and friends,

Yesterday Merwin and I drove to our apartment; if we had thought to phone our loyal doorman earlier, he might have saved us one of the few free spots on W. 40th street. As it was, Laury had done the research for us—a web site that highlights all the parking garages in one's vicinity and their rates. We have a "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy: I don't ask Merwin how much he spent on parking, and he doesn't tell me. The event was the presence in the City of our cousins Elaine and Richard Blackman; they had come in from Maryland to attend a gala announcement/preview of their son Mark's film in progress. We had missed seeing them several other times when they had come to the City and were determined to see them yesterday. We had brunch at the Bryant Park Grill, expensive but OK for that meal at least, with a very good and generous bread basket. Mark joined us. He is excited about his film. He has many many friends who are participating and supporting him in all kind of ways. His parents got an ear-full from many people about his gifts and the way he brought a team together to work on the film.

It's great to be in Bryant Park, but I had to leave our table early so I could go across the street and rest. That's OK. Better than nothing. Elaine and Richard joined us in our apartment for a chat, while I lay on the couch. Later in the day, Merwin and I took a walk around, but I knew we couldn't plan anything else social for the day and didn't phone anyone. I am eager to see some of my other cousins in NYC to say nothing of my two granddaughters. But talking and listening can exhaust me.

We received a Yahrzeit notice (anniversary of a death) for my cousin Bert Shulimson the other day, with his name to be read at two services held at Temple Beth Zion and one at a another site (three mentions, then) in Buffalo. His estate evidently paid for this permanent memorial, and there is probably a bronze plaque in each of the two venues.

Bert was my first cousin, but we were barely in touch. I have stronger relationships with third cousins than I ever had with Bert. Our son Arthur would visit him when he traveled to Chicago on business. Earlier Merwin's cousin Henrietta, older than Bert, had a brief fling with his circle in Buffalo after she was widowed, but he soon moved to Chicago to work there—for UJA, Merwin tells me. He made a good salary and invested it wisely. His will named all his first cousins for bequests, and perhaps others as well. The remainder went to his executor, a man who lived in Buffalo and had been a friend. I think it is surprising that one can find out only after the will is read after death that he or she is executor. It was quite a job for this friend.

Bert perhaps thought of us belatedly. A cousin of ours ran into him some years ago, and their connection, though she was much younger than he, brought him to Buffalo for an occasional Bar Mitzvah or wedding. And of course he and I would chat for two or three minutes. He was always very shy, a terrific athlete, especially tennis. We all thought he was gay, but that was a time when it was not appropriate to tell, and we didn't ask.

My Uncle Al, Bert's father, was an important part of my life. One of my first jobs was working in Uncle Al"s fancy grocery store after school. Though the store was connected to his flat, I rarely saw my Aunt Mildred or Bert, their only child. Bert would dash in the store in his tennis outfit, very handsome, and quickly out again. His mother was not a favorite in the family circle, being sexy (no bra and low cut dresses), heavily made up, and very very stupid. My father was not above flirting with her, as some in my writing group may remember.

Uncle Al was such a bright guy, and perhaps for that reason the marriage was not a good one. So much to say about all of these people, but it would be a burden to you, dear reader. He married her because of her looks instead of another smart, beautiful woman who had gotten into a little trouble and was therefore "damaged goods,” is the way my mother referred to her. My mother thought it was a huge mistake for Al to choose as he had. What difference did it make if this girl who liked him had been in trouble?

Now that the military will work out a way to welcome gay people who want to serve, it's time to legalize gay marriage—and also to pass the Dream act, offering illegal immigrants a path to citizenship. Why are the Republicans so against this wise plan?

Love to all,
Bernice

Bright sunny day

Dear friends and family,

The photo is of our dear friends Sophie and Brendan. It doesn't do Sophie justice: she is gorgeous but looks only pretty in the photo. They have been married for over 9 years, and Merwin and I are credited with bringing them together. What a blessing to have them and their three girls in our lives.

On Wednesday, as Merwin and I were walking, up drove Ricky (or almost son), who had stopped by to visit for a few minutes. He'll be leaving for Brazil next week, and we won't see him for a while. Fortunately, I had soup on the burner, so after our walk with him, he sat down and had some soup as Merwin and I listened to his stories and plans. Always interesting, often surprising in their daring.

On Thursday I did make it to the writing group, where almost all of us assembled at NCC in Barbara and Joe's office on the second floor of Bradley Hall. Toby drove me right to the door of the building. It was a bit of a labor to walk up the stairs, a flight-and-a-half, because I had already been up and down the stairs in our house to the second floor, where Sonia, my wonderful aide, helped me by preparing beds for company and also tidying up the towels left on the chest in the hall up there. I also had gone down and up the stairway to the freezer, where I picked out chicken cutlets for Merwin's dinner.

At the writing group, Jay read a piece about being a Buddhist without believing in reincarnation. I think he expressed the belief system of all of us, though I didn't hear what Joe, a Buddhist also, had to say. Next came Meta who wrote wonderfully about the ephemeral beauties of nature, starting with the one-time vision of the play of light and leaves making a pattern on a wall for a few minutes. Hedda did not read; she has been overwhelmed, nor did Kathryn for similar reasons: she is emptying her office because she is retiring. Toby read a free-write as did I, and Joe read a bit from his work-in-progress, which we all admire so much. Barbara ended the session with a Christmas piece she had read before, about the divinity candy her mother made in abundance as Christmas presents and which Barbara as a child loved.

When I am with my writing group, I feel surrounded by love and support. Because it will be easier for me to have them come here for our next meeting rather than travel to the home of one of them, they offered to bring everything for a supper, so Merwin and I would not have to do anything. How dear they are.

Toby drove me home, and I have to mourn a little because she will no longer be a near neighbor. She and Elliott close on the sale of their Roslyn home on Tuesday. From then on, their main home will be their apartment in NYC plus their summer home in the Berkshires—to say nothing of their condo in Hawaii, where they are spending the next month or more. She and Elliott will miss their grandson, Brian.

Skip the next paragraph if you prefer not to know about my "condition."

My itching continues to be a severe problem. The UVB treatment does not seem to be helping, and I have to take multiple one-1-day antihistamines just to be able to sit here and type this. The computer is in my lap so I can keep my feet up, and I writhe under the scourge of itching. Now if only I get a trial drug when I see Dr. M on the 30th of this month that can alleviate the itching and the fatigue that comes, I would bet, from the heavy doses of anti-histamines I take, I could live with the rest. And maybe the nuerologist I will see on Tuesday will help me with the neuropathy in my feet that makes sitting with my legs down so difficult. That accounts for my difficulty in going out almost anywhere where I cannot keep my legs raised—restautants, concerts, meetings.

I have recovered nicely from the outing yesterday. Merwin, under my direction, prepared the chicken cutlets:
Preheat oven to 400. When it's hot, place a pan with a skim of oil on the bottom in the oven to get hot.
Put about a 1/2 C of flour in a paper bag with a heavy sprinkle of black pepper.
Shake each cutlet in the bag until each is coated lightly and place on rack
When all are done and the oil is hot, place the cutlets side by side in the pa. Bake at 400 for about 45 minutes. This method is somewhat easier than frying and comes out pretty well, according to Merwin. I, of course, don't eat chicken. I had a veggie burger.

While Merwin was preparing the chicken, I microwaved until they were half done several Red Bliss potatoes that I had sliced. Then Merwin layered them in another pan coated with oil that I had put in the hot oven. Merwin had made a salad beforehand, so we had a nice supper.

I enjoy hearing from you; please write with reactions, advice, your news, whatever.

Love to all,
Bernice

Calendar Time

Click on the image to enlarge (again for more enlargement); click on back arrow to return to blog.

Dear friends,

This is the time of year when there is a culmination of many currents of activity. During the past few weeks there has been an increasing trickle of 2011 calendars arriving in our mailbox, many lovely ones promoting their charity and hoping for a yearlong stay posted on one of our walls in full view. As I usually do, I have already selected one depicting wildlife and nature scenes and I have already marked it with the dates of forthcoming concerts, operas, and doctor appointments. But, in this final flood of calendars we look forward to a special one generated by son Harvey. Using some of Apple’s sleek software and his store of computer images he composes a wonderful calendar highlighting family pictures of the just ending year but projected into the year to come.

The lovely picture I have posted today graces the cover of this year’s calendar. It is good size — about 13 x 10.5. The picture was taken last winter when this family group spent many days on the island of St John in the Caribbean. We were invited also but such a trip was not practical for us. Let me try to identify the luck participants of this stay in tropical paradise. By all means click to enlarge the image and click again to zoom in even further. At the very right are three of our granddaughters with 25-year-old identical twins Michelle and Rachael at the far right. Rachael, at the end, is wearing high heels and has long hair while Michelle is almost always in flats and keeps her hair short. These external differences makes distinguishing them easier for everyone but telling them apart on the phone remains a challenge. They both work in Manhattan and share a lovely apartment. Next from the right is our oldest 27 year-old-granddaughter Laura who lives in Boston and is her forth and last year of PhD program in organic chemistry. Next are son Harvey and our beloved daughter-in-law Sandy. Next to Sandy is her Dad, Murray, who, unfortunately lost his dear wife, Lee, of more than 60 years during the past year and was making his first big outing after that sad event. On Murray’s right is his son Lawrence. At Lawrence’s right are Sandy’s sister Barbara and her sweetheart Matt. Barbara is a former dancer and next to her at the left end of the group is Tony, a dance colleague. The group is posing in the framed opening of the patio of the small villa they rented that has direct access to the tropical water via a flowered path leading downward.

The calendar has other notable features including upper pages that are collages of special family photos taken during the year. The calendar pages themselves have the traditional notations like Valentine’s Day or Memorial Day but sports thumbnail photos at the birthday sites of all family members and notes friend’s birthdays with their names at the spot.

We will keep and cherish this new calendar and put it with others of past years where it is readily available when company arrives in our home to show some family pictures in an easy-to-take format.

The solstice is approaching and it will be all uphill from there.

Love to all,

Merwin

I hate stink bugs

Dear family and friends,

I have a pretty open attitude to nature. I ooh and ah at gorgeous scenery. I coo at every dog or cat I come across. I carefully remove spiders from the house and put them outside. But I cannot stand the beetles that somehow get into the house. They are so weird. Suddenly, they are there. You don't see them arriving. A bunch were crawling outside my bedroom windows earlier in the fall, and I said, good, let them stay there. Suddenly there was one inside, having compressed herself into the tightly closed, seemingly nonexistent space in the jamb. You can't crush these stinkers; they compress without trouble. The only way to get rid of one is to throw it in the toilet. I have found three on ME! Ugh. I have found one in my bed in the middle of the night: half asleep, I moved my hand and came across a hard little thing. I brushed it off the bed, turned on the light and went around to see what it was. A beetle. It went in the toilet. As you can imagine, they are very slow. Merwin missed one on the bed light, and it simply disappeared, only to appear later on ME! What are they? Why are they?
. . .
Better day today so far. Yesterday was terrible—the price I paid for the two days of activity on Sat and Sun. I was exhausted. I managed to answer some emails and do some reading, but I felt totally wiped out. It's hard to understand why sitting and enjoying music should be so exhausting when all I am doing is listening. On Sunday, I had to lie down in the pew behind us for a while. I still have hopes that I can meet my writing group friends at Nassau Community College on Thursday AND go to the City on Friday. I would very much like to see our cousins, who will be in the City for about 24 hours. But one day at a time is my mantra.

Merwin is out pushing the snow off the driveway, our first snow of the season. The street is already bare from the traffic. Well, it's pretty, but I probably won't go for a walk today. I hope to do some work for hamletworks.org. Last evening, Jesús phoned from Spain. It was almost midnight, his time. He has so much to do, his teaching, administrative work, scholarly commitments to complete—and a family to enjoy, a boy and girl, Pau and Carme—plus a dog! Xelo, his wife, also teaches full time has just started a new commitment to earn another college degree with a major in French, English and other language studies. Jesús wanted to know how Merwin is doing, and he also wanted to talk about his modernized Enfolded Hamlet, which is an all-new edition of the play based on my invention, an old spelling Enfolded Hamlet. His edition, like mine, will be on hamletworks.org, and I think his will be easier for many users, who could have difficulty with the old spelling and orthography of my edition. Every line of both his and my version is connected to our team's textual and commentary notes for that line.

Knowing and loving Jesús and family are among the great perks of my discipline, Shakespeare studies. We are connected to people all over the world—Europe, South America, Japan, Australia, and the USA of course. We have visited many of our friends in their homes, and we have been delighted to have our friends visit us. Our beloved friends form France, Michèle and Raymond, are hoping to visit us in the spring—a great event to look forward to.

Happy thoughts!

Love to all,
Bernice

Monday News

Dear friends,

Merwin writing:

Last week when the diagnosis of cancer present in my prostate came to us, Bernice took it pretty hard but soon recovered her equanimity. However she was soon stymied in her writing of her blog for she felt that this news could not be suppressed or hidden. The announcement on the blog surprised me as I know it did most of you. Consequently, her readership has been kept in suspense along with us as to the outcome of my follow-up tests. The tests show no signs of any cancer spread. The diagnosis came on last Monday, on Wednesday I had a CT scan, and on Friday a bone scan. The bone scan results were faxed to me as I requested and arrived early Monday morning. I was surprised that the CT scan results had not yet appeared, as the test was two days earlier. I made calls and the inevitable menu selection led me only to a voice mail where I gave both my phone and Fax numbers. I finally managed to speak to a person and was told that I should speak to my doctor. In a barely overheated voice I said that was unacceptable and pointed out that I have a right by law to get my report and I want to speak to one of the radiologists. I also reminded the young man that this was not 1940. He put me on hold and returned to the phone to get my Fax number and immediately sent my report. Now, there will be further treatment decisions to explore but I do not intend to report the minutia of this process.

On Sunday, Bernice and I went to Oyster Bay, a drive of about 20 minutes through wooded acres, to attend a concert in our subscription series of wonderful Baroque concerts. We have enjoyed the pleasure of these concerts for many years. The setting is splendid and the acoustics of the old church are wonderfully compatible with the century’s old music. The Christ Church in Oyster Bay was the family church of Teddy Roosevelt and the family pew is marked and there are plaques on the walls commemorating family members. Sagamore Hill, Roosevelt’s home, now a National Historic Site, is close by. We sat in the last row and brought along a small folding seat friend Laury gave us, so Bernice could keep her legs elevated. This helped greatly and gave Bernice a chance to soak up the music while being somewhat more comfortable.

This concert was devoted to music of the season but the instrumental and vocal pieces dated from the 14^th to the 19^th century and were international in their origin. Instead of opening directly into the music there was a charming prelude in which each of the four instrumentalists talked about their instruments and gave us a brief sample by playing a few bars. Some of the instruments were hundreds of years old or were modern copies of the ancient ones. There were recorders, flutes, and different percussion types that I had seen before but there were also a kromhorn, citern, vielle, gamba, auto-harp and rauspfeiffe. The members of the group perform widely in the New York area (and internationally) and all of them seem to have the wonderful musical skill and interest to have mastered playing this diverse mix of musical instrument. On the vocal side equally skilled singers treated us: a soprano, a mezzo-soprano, a tenor, and a bass. Listening to the assemblage transported me back centuries.

Some samples of the musical fare: Old French and English from the 14^th century, Armeniian, Catalan, Basque, Spanish, and Dutch and even a couple of American traditional.

The day before we had gone to the Met Opera in HD production of Don Carlo, a five hour production which we had to abandon after 3 ½ hours because Bernice became too fatigued. Two consecutive days of outings took their toll and we had to leave our Baroque concert at the midpoint during the intermission. Both of us thought the effort was well worth it.

Good night all,

Merwin

What lights my fire

Dear family and friends,

I found out dramatically what works to energize me. I had been moping from pure exhaustion after going to a local movie theater for the HD Don Carlos we saw yesterday (about half of it). But then rather late I noticed that a co-editor for hamletworks.org had sent a draft of an essay he has written for the Shakespeare Newsletter, which will introduce readers to the sources essay on the hamletworks.org web site, which he and Nick Clary have written—an enormous labor that will work for the New Variorum Hamlet as well as for hamletworks.org. The essay he wrote to introduce readers to the essay on the site is clever and witty and was for me a delight to read. I had a few editorial comments to make—naturally—and editing also energizes me. I hope Hardin and Nick like my edits.

Friday night's Columbia Shakespeare Seminar meeting was impossible. It hurt enormously when I can not do what I really want to do: I wanted so much to see Ralph Cohen honored as our annual Bernard Beckerman scholar and hear his paper and the ensuing discussion. I wanted to hug him and hear about his whole wonderful family and his circle of long-time friends.

I like to plan attending events, as I have mentioned, whether I will actually get there or not, but I knew from the get-go that starting at 4 p.m. when Laury would pick me up to go to Columbia and returning at about 10:30 p.m.—and interacting with all my friends (the latter especially takes more energy than I have)—would make it too much for me. I hope Ralph will come see me the next time he visits his daughter Sady in Brooklyn.

Ralph and I go back to 1987 when we were together in a Folger Institute, where I was thrilled then to learn about his wonderful ideas about performing Shakespeare. He has since accomplished so very much, more than any one person I know except perhaps Sam Wanamaker who pushed very hard for the replica of the Globe Theatre, London (that was built after Sam's death unfortunately). But Ralph’s replica of Blackfriars Theater in Staunton, VA, is gorgeous and more intimate a venue than the Globe. If Ralph has his way—and I am sure he will—he will get a Globe replica in Staunton too. It's a great place for a vacation, by the way: mountains, a great hotel, lovely shops, and a new play every day.

Friday morning, Syvia came with goodies from Brooklyn—all kosher of course. We ate lots of vegetarian sushi, which we both enjoy, and then Laury joined us for soup (made by my daughter-in-law Debbie and frozen). Short visits are good. At some point, I said to Sylvia, I have to lie down. I call it collapsing. She understood and left my room and drove home where she had to be anyway before Shabbos.

Yesterday at the opera, we met Evelyn and Harris and chatted with them a bit. Evelyn asked in that concerned way she has "How ARE you?" I answered, "The Better for seeing you,” which is true but also puts off any moaning about how I feel. I do prefer not to talk about my condition, though I can write about it easily enough.

The itching and fatigue have been horrendous. What's to be done? No word yet from Dr. M. at Mt. Sinai. I await the day he does respond with the possibility of a drug trial. No cure but relief from symptoms would be so great. As I sit here on my recliner, feet up, typing, I squirm where I cannot scratch, and scratch where I can. A ridiculous sight, I imagine.

In the meantime there is lots to do, lots to think about, so I will hold there.

Love,
Bernice

Dear friends,

Merwin writing today. Regular blog readers will know from Bernice’s recent posting that I had a prostate biopsy that revealed cancer in that always-described-as walnut-sized organ. It seems that Nature is intent on shutting down this appendage after it has likely served its usefulness. The diagnosis news came from my new young urologist who I just started with weeks before because my urologist of many years had retired. It is wise to enlist younger doctors to avoid this inconvenience. The diagnosis came last Monday and I moved quickly this week to follow up. I know from media articles and from son Harvey that something like 90% of men who die over the age of 70 normally have some level of prostate cancer but have succumbed to something else. The latest recommendations are to just wait and see. All that is well and good but even with miniscule chances someone always wins the lottery. This is a distraction we did not need at this time but few of us any choice in these matters.

On Wednesday I had a CT scan of the abdomen and pelvic regions. No eating for four hours prior to the fun. The most notable feature of that episode was having had to drink a half gallon of an over-sweet concoction to give nice contrast to the pictures.

Doctoring during the day seems to absorb more time than it is entitled to. On Friday I had a nuclear medicine bone scan and, if nothing else, I was entertained by the technology, independent of what the results may be. There were no diet restrictions but I had to make two trips — about 30 minutes each way. The first visit at about 10:30 was to be injected with a radioactive fluid. It was a minor injection with a narrow gauge needle and, to me, a surprisingly small volume. The substance enters the blood stream, percolates through the body, and is designed to reach the surface of bones. I asked about the half-life. It is 6 hours. This means that after 6 hours the amount of the substance remaining undecayed is half the original and thereafter this half decay continues each 6 additional hours. In 60 hours there will be 0.1% of the original dose. The technician who administered the shot warned me that, if I went to the airport soon I could set off a radiation alarm. She gave me a little printed form to give to the authorities in case I had to prove that I was not about to explode. Not in my plans I told her. I had to return in 2.5 hours for the scan itself. I was positioned on a comfortable platform lying on my back. The platform was moved through a circular opening and then stopped until I was staring up into what I surmised was the camera. Unaware at first of the slow reverse movement I soon realized that I now had a view of a plain room ceiling. The table moves at a rate of 10 cm a minute. In the 20 minutes I was being scanned it moved 2 M, about 6 feet.

These two procedures, of course, are to determine if none of that nasty stuff has escaped the confines of the prostate. I will probably get the results of the two procedures by early next week and we will move from there. My biopsy slides were sent out this morning to Sloan Kettering for a second opinion by one of the world's top pathologists. This was Harvey's doing and I can see that he will be satisfied for no less for his Dad.

Today we are going to a Met Opera HD performance of Verdi's Don Carlo and intend to arrive early enough to secure a seat that allows Bernice to elevate her legs. It is a five-hour performance and I doubt we will stay the course. These performances are marvelous and are great for the Met for these simultaneous shows are put on in specially equipped theaters worldwide. I would have preferred one of the three or four hour operas.

Enjoy your weekends,

Merwin

This and that

Brian with his first pair of shoes (Newton, MA), ready to start day care. Audrey (Vaughan's youngest grandchild) with a neighbor (on her right).

Dear family and friends,

Wonderful to have these photos from friends. Our grandchildren are all grown up and are wonderful and beautiful, but, hey, there is something about babies, dogs and cats that gets to me. I love seeing them, in person or in photos, but I have to admit that I am happy that the baby phase of my life has passed and that I can enjoy them at a distance. Grown up children and grandchildren are totally wonderful without any sturm und drang.

Great news! I got a royalty check for Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet, published by Focus. A grand $2.86! This represents my share of sales for 6 months! Arthur gave me the idea of buying 2 lottery tickets and seeing if I can multiply the effect. Unlikely but fun. At least I can cash the check. I get minuscule royalties from Manchester UP, and it costs more to cash a British check than the amount concerned. I have told them to give me my royalties in complimentary books.

Toby and Elliott came with a vegetarian dinner from a local Chinese restaurant. All we had to do was set the table and provide the drinks. We had fun chatting, but fatigue and pain in my feet forced me to lie down on the couch not far from the table. I could participate to some extent in the conversation.

About the pain in my feet when I sit or stand too long, my doctor K did have a suggestion yesterday: neuropathy. It happens that I had an appointment with a neurologist about my feet that I could not keep because I fell just before my appointment in July. So I should make that appointment again. I asked her, “But what can be done about neuropathy?” She said there were medicines I could take that would not clash with the many meds I am already taking. If I could get rid of this pain, I would be able to live more freely—I'd be able to sit at restaurant tables and movie theaters and concerts without having to keep my feet up. That would improve our social life greatly.

Merwin had his first test. By the end of next week, we'll know the results of the two tests. We are holding off on fear because at his age Merwin's cancer could be containable.

The sun is shining; Sonia will be here soon, and we will have fun together.

Love to all,
Bernice

Unexpected news

Dear family and friends,

The expected plans for the week have to be ditched. Merwin heard yesterday the result of his prostate biopsy. Not good. Of 12 probes, 6 were cancerous to one degree or another. Now Merwin has to go through the medical sturm und drang of CT scan and bone scan this week to make sure it has not spread. Harvey, whose degree is in pathology, will contact the top pathologist he knows, at Sloan Kettering, who will look at the slides and make some determination. Merwin is upset more for me than for himself, I think. He wants so much to be here for me.

We had to cancel our plans to spend an overnight in our NYC apartment and see Rhoda one day and cousins from Washington, DC, the next day. But the bright side is that now we can see Toby and Elliott, who planned to come here with an Asian dinner. And we still plan to go to the HD opera Don Carlos on Saturday, and if all goes well we will gt to spend some time with Harris and Evelyn, who are also going to be there—there being a movie theater in Westbury.

Later today, we will be seeing Dr. K, the local oncologist, who called to ask me to come in. She has spoken to Dr. M, at Mt. Sinai, but we have not heard from him yet about a drug trial. The WBC continues very high, causing intense itching. My UVB treatments have not begun working and anti0histamines seem to be worthless.

OK, enough of the medical news. I have begun delving into hamletworks.org. I am working on a discussion of the three sentinels who appear in three scenes in the first act and then not again, at least not again in the script, though directors often give them silent or even speaking roles later in the play. They should be easy to write about because they are after all minor characters, but my job is to survey everything that commentators have written about them as well as organize my own ideas.

Arthur corrected my version of his fish recipe: no oil in pan; the juices from the mushrooms and the fish prevent sticking. Bake 18 minutes not 20 in a preheated 400 degree oven. Yesterday was the first day I didn't make potato latkes. But we will have some kind of pancakes today—perhaps cheese pancakes: Cottage cheese, egg and matzoh meal made into a batter and fried.

I started the Cynthia Ozick book (I can't remember the title). It's very good on a sentence to sentence basis. She knows how to write. So life is good: lots of email, friends, family, books, work. We will rejoice in the good and overcome the bad as well as we can.

Knowing you are reading this and are with us is comforting and necessary to us.

Love to all,
Bernice

A couple of days

Dear friends and family,

Now when I look out of the SE facing window from my comfortable recliner, I see the scaffolding of several leafless tress, one behind the other. The SW window is similar, but now the fir tree behind the deciduous trees has come into view. The W-facing window shows fir trees in the foreground and behind them the graceful branches of the leafless trees. This will be my view, pretty much, until next April. Interestingly enough, the Azalea's leaves are changing color a bit. Some will probably drop, the rest remaining green all winter: the huge bush is near our front door.

The extra railing for the path from the front steps to the street is half-done. I think it will be good to have, particularly when the path is snowy.

Busy few days. Arthur came and very willingly did a few chores to help out, including shopping and cooking, and recycling a huge number of plastic bags. We had potato-broccoli latkes for dinner: not bad. I had too much broccoli and needed to use it. Merwin says, sotto voce, "I like plain broccoli with butter," but no one listened. Same thing happened with Debbie's cauliflower casserole for the next night: it involved many ingredients, and the little voice sounded again: "I like plain cauliflower with butter." The casserole accompanied a fish dish that Arthur made: preheat over to 400. place fish in very lightly oiled pan (spray is OK too). Using freshly grated cheddar cheese, cover fish with gaps of fish showing. Surround the fish with raw sliced mushrooms. Bake for 20 minutes, until fish is flaky. Very very tasty. Laury, who came for a visit, was presuaded to stay for a bite and joined us for a family dinner at the kitchen table. The three women each had a big glaas of wine before and with dinner. I hardly every have that any more, and it was mellowing.

Earlier, I had made a potato curry that we (especially me) nibbled on all day. Cut into small chunks 2 potatoes, 2 medium onions, 2 green peppers. Heat a little oil in large pan and begin sauteing the vegetables. Add 1 tsp curry powder or more to taste, and salt and pepper to taste. Cover. This step takes a long time. The vegetables almost melt into each other. If the pot seems dry, add a little water. At the end, when the veggies are very soft and melded, boil off any remaining water. Serve hot or room temperature. This is a recipe from an Indian man who was my sister's grad student at Brown. He often came to her home, the family center for Thanksgiving for many years.

I was not able to do any of the things I had planned to do with Debbie: go to TJ Maxx for just a few items and organize my freezers. Too tired. Too much itching. But we had a good time chatting. Now Arthur and Debbie have left, and the next time we may see them in on Merwin's birthday, Christmas day. But Arthur and I talk on the phone every day and sometimes twice a day.

I have a new Cynthia Ozick book in hand; it comes from our tiny little local library. I am looking forward to reading it. Funny that they should have it when they have so little.

The fabulous Margaret is here now, cleaning the rooms most in the need of a going over. How good to have her, I might say she is a gift from Laury, who does so much for us. I won't write about plans for the coming week because I never know if I can do what I hope to do, but rest assured I am looking forward in spite of the misery of fatigue and itching to activities that are fun to think about even when I cannot, finally, do them.

Lots of love,
Bernice

Busy Day

Dear family and friends,

Yesterday was a busy one. Kathryn and Toby came for lunch just as I was finishing my walk with Sonia. Toby brought lots of goodies—falafel, hummus, pita, salad, sauces, dessert. Kathryn brought me some fantastic earrings; I think I even have an occasion to wear them. Sonia and I made potato latkes so that Toby especially could have a taste. I use lemon juice to help prevent the mix from darkening, so I was able to serve the same batter for latkes when Lincoln came by to join us for the lighting of the 2nd candle. Lincoln helped me by solving a computer problem in that has been niggling me in about 5 minutes. He is amazing.

I am trying to push myself physically, attempting things that make me a little nervous. I am operating in the spirit of Bill, the excellent physical therapist, who always pushed me to get back to normality as soon as possible. I walked earlier around the usual easy block without my cane and when I walked with Sonia, we went on the more difficult, more hilly route, also without my cane. Still the walks are very short.

Because of a bit of non-communication between my dentist and his secretary, Tina, I had to make a mad dash to the dentist for a broken tooth, split vertically into 3 parts. I decided that I could walk down the little hill to the garage and back the car out of the garage. Up to now, Merwin has put the car at the top of the drive for me. I used the cane to help. I left Sonia making pear compote—same as apple but not, to my mind, as good.

Today I am planning to go to the Jolly FIsherman by myself. This is for our monthly Women who Lunch activity. I would like to say "Ladies who Lunch," but that doesn't seem right these days. I will see a few friends there, but it is a small group today.

Yesterday was a horrendous itching day. I took pill after pill. They seemed to do no good. This is because of a rise of white blood cells as I have explained before, and the chemo is up a bit to help, as I already have mentioned. But it's not working yet.

Merwin wrote a note to our local doctor, Kurzyna, and our Mt. Sinai doctor, Mascarenhas, about a trial. There are trials, and Dr.M told Dr. K that he would phone us about coming in. Hasn't happened yet. I hope that a new drug might allay the itching and reduce the spleen, which impinges on everything.

My main work of the day, sadly (because I would like to move on) was reviewing my essay for Laury yet again and making changes, trying to make my points more clearly. If anyone would like to read this draft, I would be grateful. As a model I have Michèle's wonderful essay on Voltaire to read. She is such a good writer! So clear, so logical, yet graceful and expansive.

Today Arthur will be arriving, and I am not sure if he going to be working during the day or not. But we will certainly have the evening together. Tomorrow his wife Debbie will arrive at the airport and Arthur will pick her up. I have big plans: maybe a trip to T. J. Maxx with Debbie. I would go directly to one or two departments and really take it easy.

Other plans—to go to our studio apartment in the City again this week. I like to hope and plan.

Good luck today to Dawn: I am thinking of you!

Love to all, and good luck with all your hopes and plans,
Bernice

Not much new

Dear family and friends,

Joe P. wrote me yesterday with suggestions for getting more publicity for my inventions, the Enfolded Hamlet and Enfolded Hamlets (with an s), both with original 17th century spelling and orthography. Thank you, Joe, for your loving care. I am all for it! But I have little hope that the powers that be will be persuaded. Many will use my texts but will not cite them. That's just the way it is. Joe was concerned that Jesús's modernized version of the Enfolded Hamlet would displace my old-text version on our website hamletworks.org. ModEH (modernized Enfolded Hamlet) will make searches easier for many people who will be working with a modern version of the text.

Jeffery, our webmaster, pointed out that the NYT put hamletworks at the top of its Hamlet resource page (to the right). Whoopie! If you want to see it check out this URL:
http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/reference/timestopics/subjects/h/hamlet/index.html

Our site has so many good things. Nick has been very good at getting his students involved, to his great pleasure and theirs.

We lit the first candle for Hanuka last night. The first batch of potato pancakes came out very well. I shredded 2 Yukon Gold potatoes with skin on in the Cuisinart with a small piece of onion (I did this sitting at the table), put the mixture into a bowl and added the juice of a half lemon, 2 eggs, salt (not too much but can't do without it), a pinch of baking powder, and lots of pepper. I had Wesson oil heating while I made the mix, and when it was shimmering I made little pancakes, not too thick, a heaping tablespoon. I fried them until they were very brown because the shredded potato does not cook as quickly as grated potato. Instead of apple sauce, we had apple compote and sour cream.

Kathryn and Toby will be here for lunch today, and I think I will make another batch for them, although they are bringing food as well. And maybe they will like the Greek string beans.

My plan for the day otherwise is to work a little on my essay for Laury and then turn to hamletworks.org. And somehow to ignore the itching. No rain today, so I will go for a walk with Sonia and do my exercises with her as well. Quiet times.

Love to all on this holiday season.
Bernice

Rainy, rainy day

Dear friends and family,

No walk outside today; it's pouring here. If it weren't for the extra-intense itching, I would take a stationary bicycle ride: I'm afraid I'll fall off when I try to scratch. My white blood count is up again; that's what causes the itching, and sure enough a call came in from Dr. K's office: the WBC is up and I am to up the amount of Hydrea (HU), the chemo I take. Fortunately, I tolerate this chemo well, and I can hope it will help.

I took out a couple of TLS issues to begin gathering material for hamletworks.org, our website, and sure enough there is another "it is said that" statement about a performance of Hamlet at sea in 1607. (Thank you Kathryn for the collection of TLS issues that will keep me busy for quite a while and for the alert abut the sea reference.) My essay on this topic, debunking what I believe is a forgery, has not yet been published by SQ, but do I think that will stop anyone? The idea is too delicious to give up. I wish I could hurry the publication because I know that the copy editors at SQ will have a lot to say, and I want to be around to respond. No way for me to hurry them, I suppose.

The rain is doing its best to strip the trees of all their leaves, leaving in view the scaffolding of branches and the evergreens beyond. The light is already dimming, and it isn't even 3. I hope to have a jolly 1st night of Hanuka, with the candle lighting and with potato latkes, served with sour cream and the apple compote that Sonia now makes for us weekly. At her home, she also makes the compote, delighted to have it as a ready snack without refined sugar. Having never had to cook, since her husband happily does it all, she has never known the joys of preparing food herself, but now she is trying all the recipes I am asking her to help me with.

I tried to make Greek string beans yesterday, but with insufficient string beans, some shredded broccoli to make up for that insufficiency, and an excess of onion, plus the lack of salt that I am not supposed to have (but that this dish absolutely requires), it was not super delicious. It usually is. Merwin soldiered on, finishing the small quantity on his plate. I'll eat it slowly through the week.

Elaine visited today, bringing treats from Diane’s Bakery, the best in its class around here. I enjoyed a scone very much with my lunch (Greek string beans). Thank you, Elaine! But as there is no way for me to reciprocate, I wish everyone would stop bringing things. I know everyone enjoys doing it because I would enjoying bringing goodies it if I were in their place and they were in mine. But still, enough!

Laury and I have already heard from our publisher, Ron, who didn't have too much to say beyond what we already expected about our Measure for Measure edition. He wants no pictures that have not derived from films, fewer words in the intro, etc. We will consult with the general editor about what he thinks we could cut, but I don't think the text cutting will be painful or difficult to accomplish. And Ron will snip out the extra photos. one from a book, another from the web, himself.

I thought I was finished with my essay for Laury's book on overhearing, but my projects tend to revolve around in my mind, and my mind’s eye saw that a section that I had not integrated completely needed the analysis that would explain its relevance. That sort of settling of a writing issue is very satisfying. I know this doesn't happen to those whose first drafts are their last ones. They are missing something, the pleasure of a tidy revision. Well, maybe not missing so much.

Nick C. wrote today to say he had heard from student coming to his university next fall saying that she had found hamletworks.org and liked it. She said, though, that the home page looked daunting at first and almost frightened her away. I see that it is very busy, but because I know it so well it seems readable/usable to me. Nick will consult with our brilliant Jeffery about making the intro more inviting. He will surely find a way. He already has a prize for the design of the site, but it can always be better. I welcome any thoughts any of you have about the design, and I am sure Jeffery would too.

Writing has taken my mind away from the itching, which, however, continues unabated in the background. Better days are coming, I hope.

Love to all,
Bernice