What goes around cmes around

Dear family and friends,

Continuing the story of our neighbors Ann and Bud: After reading my blog yesterday, Dave wrote me: "i saw him in north shore farms, just a few days ago... in our final conversation, there, near the soups, he wanted to inform me that you made the best pecan pie he had ever had. I told him about what had happened to you and suggested that you would be cheered up if he and ann would wish you well."

So Dave instigated their rare show of concern for me just as he had, in a sense, set off the problem. The short story from my perspective: while I was at the Folger Library in Washington, DC, Ann in her car ran into and damaged the open door of my car. It was parked on our narrow street, and Dave had opened the door, he said, several minutes before Ann drove by: he was gathering stuff to bring into the house. Ann said he opened the door just AS she was driving by, thus causing her to drive into the door. With his engineer's eye Merwin decided that the event must have been as Dave described it: the damage matched his story. Nevertheless, Merwin decided not to inform me of this accident and also decided to take the entire blame for it: pay for the damage to our car and pay for any damage to her car, which it turned out was not damaged. When I returned home from the Folger and found out what had happened, I rushed over to apologize to Ann for the trouble. As days went by, though, it became increasingly clear that Ann was angry at all of us. I could not understand it, but her scowls when she saw me approach led me to say OK, "waves from afar only." And pretty much it has remained that way in the 10 years or so since that incident.

Ann had meant a great deal to me; she was a role model, whose way of dealing with, for example, a troubled young boy who lived across the street, inspired me. His home life was not good; he always looked bitter and unhappy, but Ann would call him over, treat him to her bright smile and give him a look that said, "You are worthwhile; you are special." He glowed in her affection—nothing she said, just the way she looked at him and brightened when she saw him. When a neighborhood teen-aged girl in a car hit a boy on a bicycle, many of us gathered around the boy to comfort him, to cover him with blankets, and hold his hand while we waited for the ambulance. Ann was the only one who thought to turn to the young driver and put her arms around her to comfort her, standing there amazed and bereft. So understanding that Ann had clay feet, that she could be small and mean, was a lesson for me.

Take the good and leave the bad.

Sophie came over bearing large amounts of cut-up fruit, eager to do anything we needed. We talked for a couple of hours about her work as a grad student and my experience as a Shakespearean. She is doing so very well. Merwin is always amazed that I have so much to talk about with various people: daily long phone calls with my sister when she was alive and similar intense discussions with several others are a mainstay of my life. But I also enjoy the quick and casual encounters I have with so many people I am fond of—and think I know.

I had my second foray into the car. It was more difficult without Bill to coach me into position, but I made it. We went to the beach and I sat in the car listening to NPR and watching the water and people while Merwin went for his vigorous walk. There is always so much for him to do that he has to be especially careful to take the time to exercise. Mel and Viv came to the window to say hello. Mel spoke of how it had happened with Bud with tears in his eyes. They had been friends since 1955. But we all agreed that it was a great way to go; no illness, just a sudden heart attack, right there at the beach.

And I continue to work on hamletworks.org., cook, make meals, read, watch the news, and all the other good things that make my day. Bill Moyers was especially moving last night.

We went to bed late. I notice I am taking fewer pain pills, but I am also more aware of the pain. I have to be careful not to make a bad move.

Another sunny day today.

Love to all,
Bernice