Progress on several fronts

Dear family and friends,

I attached my Sea essay to an email and sent it off last night. It's a good feeling. The editor had said that I could have till the end of March or even longer, but it's always good to get things off my desk so I can go on to the next thing.

I don't know if I have mentioned that I have started the prednisone taper? So far, with the slower taper, it does not seem to be affecting me as did the last try at tapering, when going down from 35 to 30 had an almost instant deleterious effect on my breathing. Now I am tapering from 35 to 32.5, and so far so good. The prednisone has done good and bad things for me overtly (and is doing good and bad things covertly). My pride and joy, my delicate feet and legs, are hunks of flesh, swollen beyond recognition. My appetite is enormous; I seem to want to eat constantly. And as as person who has not wanted to eat sugar for years and years, I am now a secret sweetaholic. I have gained weight. But even before that, I got the typical prednisone chipmunk cheeks. I don't recognize myself in the mirror. On the other hand, prednisone has given me energy. I have been staying up till midnight, sleeping about 7 hours each night, with one deep nap during the day. What will happen to the fatigue factor once I have tapered completely? But taper we must, because of all the damage the prednisone can do to various joints and organs.

I am now at the top of the list for the drug trial at Mount Sinai. It's a phase one, which means the optimum dose of the drug is being studied. While before my fall I would have been impatient to get started, now I am just hoping that I wont be called until my broken pelvis bone, the pubic ramus, is healed and I am able to go into the City once a week for the many weeks of the trial (when I can walk). Since the experimental drug can have many ill side effects, I am hoping to complete the specific projects I have with Measure for Measure before I have to deal with them. I remain aware that my condition could take a downturn very swiftly with or without the trial drug, and I continue to enjoy one day at a time, with a smile almost always on my face. Except when I get impatient about the things I want to do that I can't do.

Last evening, we watched "Gran Torino," with Clint Eastwood and enjoyed it, even though in retrospect it is hokey: still watching an artist at the top of his game is a thrill. And this morning, while waiting for Merwin to wake up, I saw the tail end of "ET" and teared-up as usual at the parting of the children and alien—tears, while at the same time noticing all the gimmicks that Spielberg uses to get those tears flowing.

I did take a bit of a chance this morning. I woke up with one of those night sweats and didn't want to wake Merwin, who was sleeping peacefully. So I went up the 4 stairs for a shower. Without him to help, I had no walker to get from the stairs to the little bathroom, but I used a rolling desk chair for help, and it worked well enough. I also picked out something to wear from the closet and was well into my shower before Merwin came looking for me. He was a little upset with me because he thought I had unnecessarily endangered myself. I suppose so, but independence is important, and I have to be fearless—but careful.

Things are heating up with Passover prep. I didn't expect to do as much as I have to now that I am home. Today, I will prepare the Passover plate. With this sweet tooth I have, I expect to enjoy the charoses (the sweet paste that represents the mortar used by the enslaved Jews to make bricks for Pharaoh). More anon.

Love to all,
Bernice