Feeling better

Dear Friends and Family,

Though the news is not better, I am feeling happier about things, probably because I have put myself in the very capable hands of my pulmonologist, the cardiologist (who is our general internist as well), and our dear hem, whom we will see on Tues.

Today I had another chest x-ray, and unfortunately it shows only a little improvement in the clouds in one lung and a worsening of them in the other. So Dr. J decided that PCP was probably not the right diagnosis and put me back on 40 mg. of prednisone, which, she said, will make me feel better very soon. I should be able to breathe at will. That will be nice indeed. She also suggested I cut back on drinking liquids (I am a great drinker of water) to 6 cups including coffee to see if that will ameliorate the swelling in my feet that makes it impossible for me to work for long sitting at my computer. And finally, she sees a real chance that I will need the surgical biopsy of the lungs, which will require a couple of days of hospitalization. I have to figure out when I can work that into our active schedule of friends, family, theater and the like.

I also was fitted today with a 24-hour halter heart monitor, which will help figure out how seriously my heart is working to compensate for the loss of lung tissue. Somehow the prospect of knowing, for better or worse, is better than having trouble breathing without knowing why, or fearing the worst.

Now I can go to the HD opera tomorrow with the halter with the knowledge that things will get better: I will be able to breathe again. Our dear Dawn, fresh from a camping and sight-seeing trip to Hawaii, is coming in the morning, and we will got to the Met opera Carmen together, at a Westbury movie theater, in the afternoon. We couldn't get a ticket to our closer movie theater, in Port Washington. Just the thought of seeing someone I love energizes me. And opera helps too.

I am working on Measure for Measure on two fronts: writing the essay for the Shakespeare Association meeting: this has to be distributed on Jan. 25 to some members of the seminar Laury is leading in the spring. I think it is going fairly well, but I always think that when I am in the midst of writing, and ideas come to me as I explore the main argument I am trying to prove. And at the same time, I am working on the edition of the play that Laury and I are co-editing. I just got tickets for Merwin, Laury and me for the upcoming Theatre for a New Audience production of Measure for Measure on Feb. 14th. I am so looking forward to that. The director is Arin Arbus, who directed a fantastic Othello at TFANA last season.

My friend and colleague Ken R. is also going through a difficult time, but like me he still finds the work on Shakespeare energizing, and he thinks that the essay he is writing for a conference in Brazil, where he intends to give his paper in person, wheelchair and all, is one of the best he has ever written—and he has written much that is wonderful and elegant and true.

Love to all,
Bernice