Dear family and friends,
Yesterday worked beautifully. There were six of us at the Jolly Fisherman lunch: Lee, Phoebe, Ilona, Gladys, Rita and me. A delight in every way: the food is excellent and the company is even better. I got into and out of the car without difficulty, hooking the good left leg under the bad right leg to help lift it. It works like a charm.
Louise came for a visit bearing roses, which are now framing the window where I can also see birds steadily visiting the window feeder. Crackles have been huge black beasts on the delicate feeder, but the smaller birds are not afraid of them and come as well, especially the finches, whose mating colors are appearing.
Bill, the Visiting Nurse, came with a four-pronged cane and walked me to the bedroom with it, fingers just resting lightly on my back, not so much for support as for reassurance that he was right there behind me. I did not feel steady at all; well, compared to the wheelie, the cane demands much more from me. But that's what Bill wants. The struggle will make me stronger—as all struggles do? Once in the bedroom, we tried the transfer move to the bed, but I could not do it alone. I had already used up all my oomph just getting there with the cane. So I will continue to get into the bedroom the usual way, and continue the pratice of transferring to the bed. I was able to do it well enough this morning, and even lie on my side using a pillow for support. First thing in the morning is obviously easier than middle-on-the-night would be. One advance at a time.
I am getting more independent in the house. I was able to put in a washload and then transfer it to the dryer. I ask Merwin to do so many things for me that I want to try my best to accomplish anything I can. I am eager to get my study in good order.
Since our team could not meet at the Shakespeare Conference, I am putting together some ideas for immediate action. Jesús has many good ones. Jeffery, our tireless and brilliant webmaster, is enthusiastically on board, and I await news from Eric and Pete. We will proceed apace. If my energy level is diminished after the prednisone taper, I want to do as much as I can while I am relatively energetic. Thank goodness, the mood is not going downhill with the energy, which has diminished only a little so far.
And so it goes—a mix of domesticity, family, friends, nature, and work. The good things in life.
Love to all,
Bernice
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Two steps forward one step back
I discuss this playbill below;
I didn't know how to get it where I wanted it.
Dear family and friends,
I suppose it's to be expected that the forward movement is not steady and regular, and I keep in mind that there IS progress every day. I did many things by myself yesterday: I put in a load of wash, transferred most of it to the dryer (I sit on my wheelie, as I call it, so I can reach). I made my bed (which I have not slept in yet) with the clean comforter that I have been using at the recliner. But though in the morning I had used Bill's technique for getting into the bed, at bedtime I found I could not do it. Probably I was too tired. Merwin was very leery about it. He felt it was too hard for me. I am going to practice with Bill when he comes, today or tomorrow, and hope for a move to my bed from the recliner next week. The recliner is perfectly comfortable. It's just my wish to get back to normal, or as normal as possible.
I have to deal with the probable fact that the prednisone taper is having an effect; I don't have as much energy as I would like. I canceled a visit to the dentist this afternoon, but I do intend to meet Gladys and Ilona and perhaps others for lunch at the Jolly Fisherman. I didn't practice getting in and out of the car yesterday, so I hope that will work easily.
Dawn came over after teaching her classes; it was a delight to see her. She had supper with us; I placed the wonderfully fresh fillets of flounder (wild, not previously frozen) that Merwin got from North Shore Farms into an oiled 9 x 13 pan, covered them with a little cheese and sprinkled them with pine nuts: baked for 15 minutes or less. We also had Merwin's salad and leftover veggies. Wonderful meal.
Dawn helped Merwin fold up the sleep couch in my study. Merwin does not have to sleep there anymore, and so the room is returning to normal: I am hoping that Dave will come and help him replace the rugs and table where they belong, but there is no hurry: Merwin has lots of work on his plate right now.
After retreating to the recliner in ignominious defeat last night, having failed the bed maneuver, I thought of another way to search for a playbill that would show whether or not women played the boy player who enters with the other players in Hamlet act 2, scene 2, and enacts the player queen role in act 3, scene 2.
I searched for "playbill" and got a whole book, written in the 19th-century. I jotted down the title and author and went searching for a Hamlet playbill. Some 200 pages in, page by page, I got my reward. Of course I should know that with Google, if you get something once you will not get it another time: I should not should on myself either, but by this time I was so tired I didn't have the energy. What I did I hope is good enough: I did a screen capture and got the image. I'll try attaching it here, too. But later.
This morning I went to the Library on Congress Catalog and the Folger Library Catalog to see if I could find the whole book. No luck at all. Oh, Google, why do you do this?
Anyway I got what I need, and that's the important thing. You will have to use a magnifying glass to see the details, but it's fun having this playbill.
Love to all,
Bernice
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The bed beckons
Dear family and friends,
As planned, Bill taught me how to get into my bed. It's amazing what a few key moves will do. The main thing is to use a stool to raise the good left leg, then hook the good left foot under the ankle of the right foot (that move supports the bad leg and hip) and use the leverage of the good one to lift the right leg. It's a bit difficult, and though I tried it 3x under Bil's supervision and Merwin's watchful eye, none of us felt that I would be able to do it on my own safely. Yet this morning, after a few false moves, I did do it all my myself. There is nothing like determination and a will to proceed. I am happy I can work through the pain—and thankful that sitting here, typing, I feel no pain. Bill keeps on telling me that this is one of the most painful breaks. Yes, I know, I think to myself, but does it do me any good to hear about it?
The outdoor cycle continues apace: tree after tree comes into full bloom, then fades. Our neighbor Ricky trimmed his cherry tree, and Laury, who visited in the morning, brought in a large bunch of twigs. They will be a delight for a few days. Later in the day Phe visited and though we have know each other for over 50 years, it seems we had much in our pasts to catch up on. A great pleasure.
We spoke briefly to Lee and Murray; our daughter-in-law Sandy was on her way there as we spoke. This is a hard time, the end game. We pray for a peaceful conclusion.
My splendid librarian friends came through for me big time. I think I will soon have on hand every remaining reference I need for At Sea. I am going to suggest to the new editor of SQ that perhaps certain 19th century materials be made available on their website. Jay at NYPL found the 1825 essay I was looking for in the London Magazine, the first detailed discussion of the then newly discovered Q1 Hamlet (1603) and managed to email the pages. Isn't technology wonderful! Google books and other resources did not have this journal, but Jay found it and xeroxed the pages. David at NCC got from Google Books some pages I need and will send them. Alicia has 2 books for me at ILL. Someone will pick them up soon.
Now that I can get into the bed, and will soon try remaining in my bedroom all night, I can ask Merwin to move the work table in my study back into the center, so I can work on the next projects, mainly Measure for Measure and hamletworks.org.
It's a good time for me, and I hope for all of you too.
Love,
Bernice
As planned, Bill taught me how to get into my bed. It's amazing what a few key moves will do. The main thing is to use a stool to raise the good left leg, then hook the good left foot under the ankle of the right foot (that move supports the bad leg and hip) and use the leverage of the good one to lift the right leg. It's a bit difficult, and though I tried it 3x under Bil's supervision and Merwin's watchful eye, none of us felt that I would be able to do it on my own safely. Yet this morning, after a few false moves, I did do it all my myself. There is nothing like determination and a will to proceed. I am happy I can work through the pain—and thankful that sitting here, typing, I feel no pain. Bill keeps on telling me that this is one of the most painful breaks. Yes, I know, I think to myself, but does it do me any good to hear about it?
The outdoor cycle continues apace: tree after tree comes into full bloom, then fades. Our neighbor Ricky trimmed his cherry tree, and Laury, who visited in the morning, brought in a large bunch of twigs. They will be a delight for a few days. Later in the day Phe visited and though we have know each other for over 50 years, it seems we had much in our pasts to catch up on. A great pleasure.
We spoke briefly to Lee and Murray; our daughter-in-law Sandy was on her way there as we spoke. This is a hard time, the end game. We pray for a peaceful conclusion.
My splendid librarian friends came through for me big time. I think I will soon have on hand every remaining reference I need for At Sea. I am going to suggest to the new editor of SQ that perhaps certain 19th century materials be made available on their website. Jay at NYPL found the 1825 essay I was looking for in the London Magazine, the first detailed discussion of the then newly discovered Q1 Hamlet (1603) and managed to email the pages. Isn't technology wonderful! Google books and other resources did not have this journal, but Jay found it and xeroxed the pages. David at NCC got from Google Books some pages I need and will send them. Alicia has 2 books for me at ILL. Someone will pick them up soon.
Now that I can get into the bed, and will soon try remaining in my bedroom all night, I can ask Merwin to move the work table in my study back into the center, so I can work on the next projects, mainly Measure for Measure and hamletworks.org.
It's a good time for me, and I hope for all of you too.
Love,
Bernice
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Progress continues
Dear family and friends,
Above is a photo of Jesús and me before he returned to Spain on Monday afternoon. I am wearing a U of Valencia shirt he gave me some years ago: ser o no ser: To be or not to be, a challenge to students to make of themselves what they want to become. How sweet it is to be with dear friends and to have a photo memory. We should have a camera so we could take photos of all kinds of things and people. Merwin snapped this photo in my study, which has become our bedroom since my fall 22 days ago.
Yesterday I had an outing to Annie Nails to get a much-needed manicure, due two weeks ago. We decided not to use the wheelie for the few steps from the car to the little shop, but I have to say it was hard to accomplish. I cannot walk well enough with just a hand on Merwin's arm. But once I was in the shop everything was fine. Someone on each side would still be needed now, though I expect to do better in a few days. Every day there seems to be progress in strength, but the pain remains without much change at all; I am still taking a lot of pain meds, but not as much as at the beginning: I am trying to bear with it. While I was at the shop, Merwin went off for his brisk walk at the beach. The photo on the upper right shows Jesús and Merwin sitting on a bench at the end of the beach.
After Merwin picked me up at the shop we took a little ride down to the beach, where we noticed with great interest that the sidewalk that had caused my fall had been repaired beautifully. Below is the "before" picture. Hey! I am getting pretty good at this photo-attachment stuff! Amazing.
Did I mention that a lawyer from the building landlord phoned me last week and wanted to interview me and see my medical records? That's when I asked Dave to take the photos: and we asked Rabbi Lee about a lawyer for our interests.
So I guess we are starting this process of figuring out what to do, an exploration. We are not litigious sorts usually.
Yesterday afternoon, the lawyer we contacted came to see us. He's another man named "Bill." We seem to have many of them these days. My main gripe is that the fall kept me from the Shakespeare conference where we were to settle so many things about our website. There is really no way to replace the time we would have had together in private face-to-face meetings. Phone and email are just not enough. I feel I should be compensated for that loss of time on the Hamlet work, especially since time is so iffy for me.
Speaking of which, I began the prednisone taper, which I may have mentioned yesterday. I felt the difference immediately: more fatigue. The prednisone gives me an upper. Going without it is perhaps not a downer, but puts me into my usual myelo proliferative state. Joanna, the PT from my hem's office, called to check that I had continued with the taper. I will call her if the fatigue gets to be too much. What's too much? Wanting always to lie down, not being able to work. You must know that not being able to work is just not acceptable.
Big change today. I have not needed Merwin's help during the night for several days now, so I suggested that he return to his bed upstairs. I have a whistle I can blow if I need him. He did that, so (1) I can turn on the light in the middle of the night when I am awake, and (2) we can each sleep without disturbing each other. That worked, so today the sleep-couch will be closed up and become a couch again. I will remain on the La-Z-Boy recliner in the study until I get Bill, the Visiting Nurse who will be here this afternoon, to show me how to get into my bed. Can't turn yet, or twist. Because Merwin and I both sleep so erratically, we have used separate bedrooms for the last few years.
And of course the work continues, slowly, slowly. But I'll write about that another time.
Love to all,
Bernice
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Chugging right along!
Dear family and friends,
Just as I was about to sit down and write my blog yesterday, the electricity went off and stayed off for an hour. Since Jesús was here, and we had work to do together, the time for the blog just slipped away. I wish I could convey the beautiful feeling of being with someone well loved, as Jesús is by both Merwin and me, and also the special joy that comes from working together on projects that are meaningful to us both and to the Shakespeare community at large. Then I have to wonder: will we see Jesús again here? I had my first long ride in the car on Sunday to pick Jesús up at Islip, and then on Monday I had an even longer one to take Jesús to JFK. Each time it got easier. I think I am getting the hang of what I have to do to maneuver myself into the seat without stressing the pelvis. So today, instead of having Amy come here to do my nails, as I expected I would need her to do, I think I will go there, just a quarter of a mile away. With Merwin's help I will get in the car and out of it and into the shop, then back into the car and home. With my wheelie, I know I can do it, and looking ridiculous on the main street of Glen Head is OK with me.
For dinner Sunday, I made a lovely beef stew, with wine from Trader Joe's. It is quite good for drinking too. I made myself a vegetarian version of the stew. Both will return for supper tonight, I think. For breakfast, we had gefrüschte matzoh again, except Merwin has given up on it because it makes him sick, literally. Delicious, but deadly. For lunch I was going to make a new recipe derived from the cookbook "Southern Fried Matzah" (you'll notice that there are lots of ways to spell matzo), but the time slipped by and I had to make something faster. This is a variation of the basic blintzes recipe but without the blini. I mixed together no-salt-added farmers' cheese and egg, one package of cheese and one egg per person. I layered a loaf pan with sliced fresh apples and covered them with the cheese mixture. I would ordinarily bake this quantity at 450 for almost an hour. I pushed it to 500 because I was late getting started. It was delicious. The cheese had a brown crust at the top and sides (I don't grease the pan) and was semi-firm underneath, the apples were soft but still had shape, and by the way, the special apples from Lee and Henry were delicious prepared this way. Merwin likes some jam with his portion; Jesús and I liked it as it was.
The idea from the cookbook is intriguing. You make the blini mix, and spread half of it in a buttered pan. Carefully spread the cheese mix on top of the blini mix. You would have to be very careful to make sure the cheese didn't impinge on the blini layer. Then you cover with an additional layer of the blini mix and bake for about an hour at 450.
We are blessed with our sons, as most of you know. Yesterday Dave sprayed our trees (which he selected and planted some years ago) with milk mixed with a few other ingredients. He believes in organic gardening. He helped Merwin move the worm box outdoors. It's been in the cellar some months; they seem to be doing OK. Dave also helped Merwin with some TV and computer problems. And Dave also did some shopping, locating the apple butter that is an indispensable ingredient of my vinaigrette salad dressing.
We also heard from Harvey and Arthur. Harvey had a flood in his house that required him and Sandy to make trip after trip to the dump to throw away soggy things, including carpeting. The sad part is that he had to throw away the records of his earliest research: slides, reports, and the like. Of course the fruit of that work remains intact in published papers and in medical practice, but there goes the history. Arthur called while his daughter, Sabrina, was visiting him and his wife Debbie and mother-in-law Dorothy in New Hampshire, so we had a chance to talk to her also about her work. She is working in Boston, using her B.S. degree in chemistry (my father had an MS in chemistry; Laura our oldest granddaughter is working on a PhD in organic chem at Boston U). All our grandchildren are post undergrad age. Sigh.
Towards the end of the evening, Laury came for a brief visit. We didn't work for once, just talked about what was on our minds and about the Shakespeare Conference. Her seminar went well, and she is glad she went even though she was there barely 24 hours. She and I will start working again on Measure for Measure soon. I also had the pleasure of making her a little snack, a hamburger with a matzo roll with applesauce on the side. Not only do I enjoy cooking but also feeding the people I love.
I am beginning to turn a little onto my right side a couple of inches when I am lying in my glider. I consider this a good sign that I will be more mobile soon. It would be a relief not to always have to lie on my back.
We've already heard from Jesús that he had a wonderful greeting from his children, who were still in pjs at breakfast this morning when he arrived. While he was here, we saw many delightful minutes of videotape of the family, especially the children. They remember well their visit here. And we spoke briefly to Carme, his 9-year-old daughter, when his wife Xelo phoned. Pau has been away all weekend visiting a friend, leaving mother and daughter to enjoy mother-and-daughter-things. Lucky family. We also saw what we have heard about for a long time: Jesús playing in a wind band. I thought it was a casual group, but this is a huge orchestra, and the occsaion was a big community concert, crowded with folks from his village and nearby villages.
It's a gray day today, but I look forward to good progress on all fronts.
Love,
Bernice
Just as I was about to sit down and write my blog yesterday, the electricity went off and stayed off for an hour. Since Jesús was here, and we had work to do together, the time for the blog just slipped away. I wish I could convey the beautiful feeling of being with someone well loved, as Jesús is by both Merwin and me, and also the special joy that comes from working together on projects that are meaningful to us both and to the Shakespeare community at large. Then I have to wonder: will we see Jesús again here? I had my first long ride in the car on Sunday to pick Jesús up at Islip, and then on Monday I had an even longer one to take Jesús to JFK. Each time it got easier. I think I am getting the hang of what I have to do to maneuver myself into the seat without stressing the pelvis. So today, instead of having Amy come here to do my nails, as I expected I would need her to do, I think I will go there, just a quarter of a mile away. With Merwin's help I will get in the car and out of it and into the shop, then back into the car and home. With my wheelie, I know I can do it, and looking ridiculous on the main street of Glen Head is OK with me.
For dinner Sunday, I made a lovely beef stew, with wine from Trader Joe's. It is quite good for drinking too. I made myself a vegetarian version of the stew. Both will return for supper tonight, I think. For breakfast, we had gefrüschte matzoh again, except Merwin has given up on it because it makes him sick, literally. Delicious, but deadly. For lunch I was going to make a new recipe derived from the cookbook "Southern Fried Matzah" (you'll notice that there are lots of ways to spell matzo), but the time slipped by and I had to make something faster. This is a variation of the basic blintzes recipe but without the blini. I mixed together no-salt-added farmers' cheese and egg, one package of cheese and one egg per person. I layered a loaf pan with sliced fresh apples and covered them with the cheese mixture. I would ordinarily bake this quantity at 450 for almost an hour. I pushed it to 500 because I was late getting started. It was delicious. The cheese had a brown crust at the top and sides (I don't grease the pan) and was semi-firm underneath, the apples were soft but still had shape, and by the way, the special apples from Lee and Henry were delicious prepared this way. Merwin likes some jam with his portion; Jesús and I liked it as it was.
The idea from the cookbook is intriguing. You make the blini mix, and spread half of it in a buttered pan. Carefully spread the cheese mix on top of the blini mix. You would have to be very careful to make sure the cheese didn't impinge on the blini layer. Then you cover with an additional layer of the blini mix and bake for about an hour at 450.
We are blessed with our sons, as most of you know. Yesterday Dave sprayed our trees (which he selected and planted some years ago) with milk mixed with a few other ingredients. He believes in organic gardening. He helped Merwin move the worm box outdoors. It's been in the cellar some months; they seem to be doing OK. Dave also helped Merwin with some TV and computer problems. And Dave also did some shopping, locating the apple butter that is an indispensable ingredient of my vinaigrette salad dressing.
We also heard from Harvey and Arthur. Harvey had a flood in his house that required him and Sandy to make trip after trip to the dump to throw away soggy things, including carpeting. The sad part is that he had to throw away the records of his earliest research: slides, reports, and the like. Of course the fruit of that work remains intact in published papers and in medical practice, but there goes the history. Arthur called while his daughter, Sabrina, was visiting him and his wife Debbie and mother-in-law Dorothy in New Hampshire, so we had a chance to talk to her also about her work. She is working in Boston, using her B.S. degree in chemistry (my father had an MS in chemistry; Laura our oldest granddaughter is working on a PhD in organic chem at Boston U). All our grandchildren are post undergrad age. Sigh.
Towards the end of the evening, Laury came for a brief visit. We didn't work for once, just talked about what was on our minds and about the Shakespeare Conference. Her seminar went well, and she is glad she went even though she was there barely 24 hours. She and I will start working again on Measure for Measure soon. I also had the pleasure of making her a little snack, a hamburger with a matzo roll with applesauce on the side. Not only do I enjoy cooking but also feeding the people I love.
I am beginning to turn a little onto my right side a couple of inches when I am lying in my glider. I consider this a good sign that I will be more mobile soon. It would be a relief not to always have to lie on my back.
We've already heard from Jesús that he had a wonderful greeting from his children, who were still in pjs at breakfast this morning when he arrived. While he was here, we saw many delightful minutes of videotape of the family, especially the children. They remember well their visit here. And we spoke briefly to Carme, his 9-year-old daughter, when his wife Xelo phoned. Pau has been away all weekend visiting a friend, leaving mother and daughter to enjoy mother-and-daughter-things. Lucky family. We also saw what we have heard about for a long time: Jesús playing in a wind band. I thought it was a casual group, but this is a huge orchestra, and the occsaion was a big community concert, crowded with folks from his village and nearby villages.
It's a gray day today, but I look forward to good progress on all fronts.
Love,
Bernice
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Feasts for the eyes
Dear family and friends,
I am feasting my eyes on a gorgeous orchid, advertised as "easy to care for." Huh. That's easy for people with green thumbs to say. It has three magnificent vivid fuchsia blooms and many burgeoning buds. How nice it would be to keep this gift from Sophie and Brendan going! I will try. Advice appreciated. Sophie has told me that I should water it rarely, only once a month.
I quickly disposed of Toby's lovely primroses by over-watering. Phe's delicate pansies are still intact. Sandy's bouquet of cut flowers from 16 days ago still has a few blooms going.
Then there is the outside! I appreciate these inside flowers because I am not spending much time outdoors. But I also enjoy seeing the outside blooms: the three times risen-from-the-dead magnolia is now in bloom, as are miniature daffodils, full-size daffodils, a fruit tree, and many others. I can see many of these from the windows. I am going to get outside more. I can easily walk to the deck off my study. But I can also ride in the car now too. We went yesterday evening to Sea Cliff beach and relished the view across the sun-glistened water. We didn't try getting out of the car and using the walker there. I will wait for a few more practice sessions. I look pretty weird trying to get myself into the car. Lifting the right leg is painful, so I have to lie back and raise my knees. It has to be seen to be believed. Luckily for me I don't care about appearances very much. I could tell you tales of me in "I don't care who's looking" mode. Someday, in person.
Speaking of in person, I am very comfortable with visits from friends these days. Call before, because I could be out!
Obviously, I am enjoying my cooking, so food is not a problem and hasn't been since about day 2 when I could roll my way to the stove to make an omelet. Last night I tried a Passover version of pasta with parsley pesto. One buys a huge bunch of parsley for the Seder plate , so the pesto was a good way to use up the bunch. Not bad. But basil pesto is ever-so--much better. And real noodles are better than Passover noodles. I Googled "parsley pesto" and then chose ingredients I had on hand from among the many recipes.
Happy Easter to all my friends, family and acquaintances who celebrate this holiday in any way whatsoever. Happy Egg hunting if that's part of your festivities. It's a gorgeous day here: hope it's so for you too in every way.
And love to all,
Bernice
I am feasting my eyes on a gorgeous orchid, advertised as "easy to care for." Huh. That's easy for people with green thumbs to say. It has three magnificent vivid fuchsia blooms and many burgeoning buds. How nice it would be to keep this gift from Sophie and Brendan going! I will try. Advice appreciated. Sophie has told me that I should water it rarely, only once a month.
I quickly disposed of Toby's lovely primroses by over-watering. Phe's delicate pansies are still intact. Sandy's bouquet of cut flowers from 16 days ago still has a few blooms going.
Then there is the outside! I appreciate these inside flowers because I am not spending much time outdoors. But I also enjoy seeing the outside blooms: the three times risen-from-the-dead magnolia is now in bloom, as are miniature daffodils, full-size daffodils, a fruit tree, and many others. I can see many of these from the windows. I am going to get outside more. I can easily walk to the deck off my study. But I can also ride in the car now too. We went yesterday evening to Sea Cliff beach and relished the view across the sun-glistened water. We didn't try getting out of the car and using the walker there. I will wait for a few more practice sessions. I look pretty weird trying to get myself into the car. Lifting the right leg is painful, so I have to lie back and raise my knees. It has to be seen to be believed. Luckily for me I don't care about appearances very much. I could tell you tales of me in "I don't care who's looking" mode. Someday, in person.
Speaking of in person, I am very comfortable with visits from friends these days. Call before, because I could be out!
Obviously, I am enjoying my cooking, so food is not a problem and hasn't been since about day 2 when I could roll my way to the stove to make an omelet. Last night I tried a Passover version of pasta with parsley pesto. One buys a huge bunch of parsley for the Seder plate , so the pesto was a good way to use up the bunch. Not bad. But basil pesto is ever-so--much better. And real noodles are better than Passover noodles. I Googled "parsley pesto" and then chose ingredients I had on hand from among the many recipes.
Happy Easter to all my friends, family and acquaintances who celebrate this holiday in any way whatsoever. Happy Egg hunting if that's part of your festivities. It's a gorgeous day here: hope it's so for you too in every way.
And love to all,
Bernice
Friday, April 2, 2010
What goes around cmes around
Dear family and friends,
Continuing the story of our neighbors Ann and Bud: After reading my blog yesterday, Dave wrote me: "i saw him in north shore farms, just a few days ago... in our final conversation, there, near the soups, he wanted to inform me that you made the best pecan pie he had ever had. I told him about what had happened to you and suggested that you would be cheered up if he and ann would wish you well."
So Dave instigated their rare show of concern for me just as he had, in a sense, set off the problem. The short story from my perspective: while I was at the Folger Library in Washington, DC, Ann in her car ran into and damaged the open door of my car. It was parked on our narrow street, and Dave had opened the door, he said, several minutes before Ann drove by: he was gathering stuff to bring into the house. Ann said he opened the door just AS she was driving by, thus causing her to drive into the door. With his engineer's eye Merwin decided that the event must have been as Dave described it: the damage matched his story. Nevertheless, Merwin decided not to inform me of this accident and also decided to take the entire blame for it: pay for the damage to our car and pay for any damage to her car, which it turned out was not damaged. When I returned home from the Folger and found out what had happened, I rushed over to apologize to Ann for the trouble. As days went by, though, it became increasingly clear that Ann was angry at all of us. I could not understand it, but her scowls when she saw me approach led me to say OK, "waves from afar only." And pretty much it has remained that way in the 10 years or so since that incident.
Ann had meant a great deal to me; she was a role model, whose way of dealing with, for example, a troubled young boy who lived across the street, inspired me. His home life was not good; he always looked bitter and unhappy, but Ann would call him over, treat him to her bright smile and give him a look that said, "You are worthwhile; you are special." He glowed in her affection—nothing she said, just the way she looked at him and brightened when she saw him. When a neighborhood teen-aged girl in a car hit a boy on a bicycle, many of us gathered around the boy to comfort him, to cover him with blankets, and hold his hand while we waited for the ambulance. Ann was the only one who thought to turn to the young driver and put her arms around her to comfort her, standing there amazed and bereft. So understanding that Ann had clay feet, that she could be small and mean, was a lesson for me.
Take the good and leave the bad.
Sophie came over bearing large amounts of cut-up fruit, eager to do anything we needed. We talked for a couple of hours about her work as a grad student and my experience as a Shakespearean. She is doing so very well. Merwin is always amazed that I have so much to talk about with various people: daily long phone calls with my sister when she was alive and similar intense discussions with several others are a mainstay of my life. But I also enjoy the quick and casual encounters I have with so many people I am fond of—and think I know.
I had my second foray into the car. It was more difficult without Bill to coach me into position, but I made it. We went to the beach and I sat in the car listening to NPR and watching the water and people while Merwin went for his vigorous walk. There is always so much for him to do that he has to be especially careful to take the time to exercise. Mel and Viv came to the window to say hello. Mel spoke of how it had happened with Bud with tears in his eyes. They had been friends since 1955. But we all agreed that it was a great way to go; no illness, just a sudden heart attack, right there at the beach.
And I continue to work on hamletworks.org., cook, make meals, read, watch the news, and all the other good things that make my day. Bill Moyers was especially moving last night.
We went to bed late. I notice I am taking fewer pain pills, but I am also more aware of the pain. I have to be careful not to make a bad move.
Another sunny day today.
Love to all,
Bernice
Continuing the story of our neighbors Ann and Bud: After reading my blog yesterday, Dave wrote me: "i saw him in north shore farms, just a few days ago... in our final conversation, there, near the soups, he wanted to inform me that you made the best pecan pie he had ever had. I told him about what had happened to you and suggested that you would be cheered up if he and ann would wish you well."
So Dave instigated their rare show of concern for me just as he had, in a sense, set off the problem. The short story from my perspective: while I was at the Folger Library in Washington, DC, Ann in her car ran into and damaged the open door of my car. It was parked on our narrow street, and Dave had opened the door, he said, several minutes before Ann drove by: he was gathering stuff to bring into the house. Ann said he opened the door just AS she was driving by, thus causing her to drive into the door. With his engineer's eye Merwin decided that the event must have been as Dave described it: the damage matched his story. Nevertheless, Merwin decided not to inform me of this accident and also decided to take the entire blame for it: pay for the damage to our car and pay for any damage to her car, which it turned out was not damaged. When I returned home from the Folger and found out what had happened, I rushed over to apologize to Ann for the trouble. As days went by, though, it became increasingly clear that Ann was angry at all of us. I could not understand it, but her scowls when she saw me approach led me to say OK, "waves from afar only." And pretty much it has remained that way in the 10 years or so since that incident.
Ann had meant a great deal to me; she was a role model, whose way of dealing with, for example, a troubled young boy who lived across the street, inspired me. His home life was not good; he always looked bitter and unhappy, but Ann would call him over, treat him to her bright smile and give him a look that said, "You are worthwhile; you are special." He glowed in her affection—nothing she said, just the way she looked at him and brightened when she saw him. When a neighborhood teen-aged girl in a car hit a boy on a bicycle, many of us gathered around the boy to comfort him, to cover him with blankets, and hold his hand while we waited for the ambulance. Ann was the only one who thought to turn to the young driver and put her arms around her to comfort her, standing there amazed and bereft. So understanding that Ann had clay feet, that she could be small and mean, was a lesson for me.
Take the good and leave the bad.
Sophie came over bearing large amounts of cut-up fruit, eager to do anything we needed. We talked for a couple of hours about her work as a grad student and my experience as a Shakespearean. She is doing so very well. Merwin is always amazed that I have so much to talk about with various people: daily long phone calls with my sister when she was alive and similar intense discussions with several others are a mainstay of my life. But I also enjoy the quick and casual encounters I have with so many people I am fond of—and think I know.
I had my second foray into the car. It was more difficult without Bill to coach me into position, but I made it. We went to the beach and I sat in the car listening to NPR and watching the water and people while Merwin went for his vigorous walk. There is always so much for him to do that he has to be especially careful to take the time to exercise. Mel and Viv came to the window to say hello. Mel spoke of how it had happened with Bud with tears in his eyes. They had been friends since 1955. But we all agreed that it was a great way to go; no illness, just a sudden heart attack, right there at the beach.
And I continue to work on hamletworks.org., cook, make meals, read, watch the news, and all the other good things that make my day. Bill Moyers was especially moving last night.
We went to bed late. I notice I am taking fewer pain pills, but I am also more aware of the pain. I have to be careful not to make a bad move.
Another sunny day today.
Love to all,
Bernice
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