Dear Friends and Family,
This is mostly medical so if it doesn't interest you, scan down.
Had our visit to the hem. today, and happily there was good news: the best is that Merwin's platelets, which had been up a couple of weeks ago, have subsided again without additional meds—as Dr. K had suspected they would. So he is in good shape.
On the other hand, my hemoglobin is down, so there was a quick rush of events: making an appointment at North Shore Hospital for Thurs. for a transfusion, the earliest they can do it after Long Island Jewish (LIJ) proved to be completely booked for the week. I sure hope the transfusion can be quicker than the 6 hrs the last (which was the first) one took. But at least I know that I need to bring books and ipod.
And the bustle proved that what Pres. Obama has said about e-records saving money. In spite of the fact that North Shore is supposedly connected to LIJ (they go by a combo of both names), because I had my first transfusion at the latter and there is no e-connection between the two systems, we had to dash over to North Shore to do the same blood tests required before a transfusion. The records were there at LIJ, but not accessible. Medicare has to pay twice.
Other med news: the shakiness I experience is prednisone related, as is the weight gain and puffiness. At least it's good to know the cause; when I stop the prednisone these symptoms will disappear.
I got the paper work for a handicapped parking permit: it'll help me when I go anywhere like the JCC. I went there today to SPIN, and my doc. was a little amazed to hear that I did that. But if I control my speed on the bike, I think it helps not only my legs but also my breathing: it forces me to take deep breaths.
The holter monitor revealed nothing to worry about. I have an occasional extra beat, but nothing like a-fib, and I can forget about it. After the hemoglobin comes up, I may no longer have the irritating beat beat be-beat in my ears. So mostly good news.
After the visit to hem and hospital, we dashed home to a lovely lunch of cheese-filled shells. And in an hour or so we will go see a movie on our "free" pass.
Yesterday was a banner day too, because we went to choose the paint for the bedroom, which is now dark paneling. At least two walls, and maybe more, will soon be mango. The big ladder is in place and all is ready to see how this color looks; I was inspired by my favorite color in Michèle and Raymond's lovely home.
And of course little bouts of work and little naps continue through each day. The prednisone seems to have me on a wakeful night, starting at about 3 a.m. Now if only it will do its work for my lungs! Until the lungs are clear, I think have no chance at all of getting into the INCYTE trial.
Love to all,
Bernice
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Concentrating on the good
Dear Frineds and family,
Yesterday was a day that could have been a total loss, but it was saved by a number of positive developments that brightened a low day physically. There were a few really bad hours of fatigue and discomfort, but on to the good!
Lincoln, our number 3 son, visited us for the evening. It was a great pleasure to hear him talk about all his many activities. He is off to a conference in a few days: his hobby since college has been Sci Fi and now is furry fandom. He brought his impressive wolf costume, which he will wear at the conference and also to all kinds of charitable events during the year, like parades and other events for children and seniors.
Lincoln knows how everything works: this has been true of him since early childhood. He helped me with my bewildering cell phone, set up the blue tooth connection in my car so I can pull over and make a phone call if necessary, programmed my favorite radio stations for the car, showed me how to respond to comments on this blog, and more. I think it's great, having four sons, that they are all so different and all so talented and loving.
Our eldest son, Harvey, didn't like the fact that we had only two phones among the 10 rooms of this house and so sent us a system of five phones. Merwin yesterday was able to program the bedroom phone so that it doesn't ring from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. In the old days, I could always tell my students that they could phone me any time, day or night, because the phone was so far away from the bedroom that I would only respond if I were awake, and they could leave a message. Now I can say that again: phone any time: 516 671 1301.
In spite of fatigue, I managed to go shopping at my favorite super market, North Shore Farms, with Merwin of course. Got some great things, including some more manouri cheese. Made a lovely veggie soup for dinner starting with a base of packaged broccoli soup. The men ate the chicken fingers I had made the night before.
You may have noticed that I like making pancakes. Yesterday's New York Times Magazine had an old recipe for blini and a new variation of it. So naturally I am eager to try one or more versions, which will use up some sour cream I happen to have around.
And on the work front, I sent the group I am in for our SAA seminar a draft of my paper on Overhearing in Measure for Measure. Already this morning, Laury, who is the seminar leader, has commented on the paper. She likes it. And I sent Michèle the paper she will read for me in Le Harve.
And so it goes. Always many things to be happy and grateful for.
Love,
Bernice
Yesterday was a day that could have been a total loss, but it was saved by a number of positive developments that brightened a low day physically. There were a few really bad hours of fatigue and discomfort, but on to the good!
Lincoln, our number 3 son, visited us for the evening. It was a great pleasure to hear him talk about all his many activities. He is off to a conference in a few days: his hobby since college has been Sci Fi and now is furry fandom. He brought his impressive wolf costume, which he will wear at the conference and also to all kinds of charitable events during the year, like parades and other events for children and seniors.
Lincoln knows how everything works: this has been true of him since early childhood. He helped me with my bewildering cell phone, set up the blue tooth connection in my car so I can pull over and make a phone call if necessary, programmed my favorite radio stations for the car, showed me how to respond to comments on this blog, and more. I think it's great, having four sons, that they are all so different and all so talented and loving.
Our eldest son, Harvey, didn't like the fact that we had only two phones among the 10 rooms of this house and so sent us a system of five phones. Merwin yesterday was able to program the bedroom phone so that it doesn't ring from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. In the old days, I could always tell my students that they could phone me any time, day or night, because the phone was so far away from the bedroom that I would only respond if I were awake, and they could leave a message. Now I can say that again: phone any time: 516 671 1301.
In spite of fatigue, I managed to go shopping at my favorite super market, North Shore Farms, with Merwin of course. Got some great things, including some more manouri cheese. Made a lovely veggie soup for dinner starting with a base of packaged broccoli soup. The men ate the chicken fingers I had made the night before.
You may have noticed that I like making pancakes. Yesterday's New York Times Magazine had an old recipe for blini and a new variation of it. So naturally I am eager to try one or more versions, which will use up some sour cream I happen to have around.
And on the work front, I sent the group I am in for our SAA seminar a draft of my paper on Overhearing in Measure for Measure. Already this morning, Laury, who is the seminar leader, has commented on the paper. She likes it. And I sent Michèle the paper she will read for me in Le Harve.
And so it goes. Always many things to be happy and grateful for.
Love,
Bernice
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Improvements here and there
Dear Friends and Family,
The very good news is that after two weeks of pain/discomfort from the flying leap I accidentally took in the bathroom and into the scale, bruising a rib, I am off of the codeine; plain Tylenol seems to handle it OK. Also, my arthritic thumb has been much improved.
Our son Harvey got us an oxygen measure: it's a little gadget that you put a finger into to see how much oxygen you are getting and what your pulse rate is. Though I feel quite breathless, even when lying in bed, the measure told me this morning that I am actually all right, with an O2 measure of 95 and pulse rate of 76. Not bad at all.
Carmen yesterday in HD film was as wonderful as we had expected it to be. We went with our friend Phyllis, whom we have known since our son Arthur was in nursery school, and we enjoyed not only the opera but being together. The Lativian mezzo-soprano Elina Garanca was absolutely brilliant: beautiful, passionate, sexy. What a far cry from some singers of old who were so heavy that they could not even move from one position to another on the stage! Garanca not only sang magnificently but acted the part believably: she made us understand her nature, her inability to be with one man for long. Everyone was excellent, from the conductor, obviously delighted with the music and his musicians, to the chorus and children. Every once in a while the camera would pull back to show what we would have seen at the Met in our usual $40 seats—a miniscule stage far below us. It's not bad being there in person: the sound is always excellent, but being right up close, seeing facial expressions, was a terrific treat. I hope we can go to the other operas this season.
Today will be quiet: no specific plans except an iChat with our friends in France. I look forward to a good day.
Love to you all,
Bernice
The very good news is that after two weeks of pain/discomfort from the flying leap I accidentally took in the bathroom and into the scale, bruising a rib, I am off of the codeine; plain Tylenol seems to handle it OK. Also, my arthritic thumb has been much improved.
Our son Harvey got us an oxygen measure: it's a little gadget that you put a finger into to see how much oxygen you are getting and what your pulse rate is. Though I feel quite breathless, even when lying in bed, the measure told me this morning that I am actually all right, with an O2 measure of 95 and pulse rate of 76. Not bad at all.
Carmen yesterday in HD film was as wonderful as we had expected it to be. We went with our friend Phyllis, whom we have known since our son Arthur was in nursery school, and we enjoyed not only the opera but being together. The Lativian mezzo-soprano Elina Garanca was absolutely brilliant: beautiful, passionate, sexy. What a far cry from some singers of old who were so heavy that they could not even move from one position to another on the stage! Garanca not only sang magnificently but acted the part believably: she made us understand her nature, her inability to be with one man for long. Everyone was excellent, from the conductor, obviously delighted with the music and his musicians, to the chorus and children. Every once in a while the camera would pull back to show what we would have seen at the Met in our usual $40 seats—a miniscule stage far below us. It's not bad being there in person: the sound is always excellent, but being right up close, seeing facial expressions, was a terrific treat. I hope we can go to the other operas this season.
Today will be quiet: no specific plans except an iChat with our friends in France. I look forward to a good day.
Love to you all,
Bernice
Friday, January 15, 2010
Feeling better
Dear Friends and Family,
Though the news is not better, I am feeling happier about things, probably because I have put myself in the very capable hands of my pulmonologist, the cardiologist (who is our general internist as well), and our dear hem, whom we will see on Tues.
Today I had another chest x-ray, and unfortunately it shows only a little improvement in the clouds in one lung and a worsening of them in the other. So Dr. J decided that PCP was probably not the right diagnosis and put me back on 40 mg. of prednisone, which, she said, will make me feel better very soon. I should be able to breathe at will. That will be nice indeed. She also suggested I cut back on drinking liquids (I am a great drinker of water) to 6 cups including coffee to see if that will ameliorate the swelling in my feet that makes it impossible for me to work for long sitting at my computer. And finally, she sees a real chance that I will need the surgical biopsy of the lungs, which will require a couple of days of hospitalization. I have to figure out when I can work that into our active schedule of friends, family, theater and the like.
I also was fitted today with a 24-hour halter heart monitor, which will help figure out how seriously my heart is working to compensate for the loss of lung tissue. Somehow the prospect of knowing, for better or worse, is better than having trouble breathing without knowing why, or fearing the worst.
Now I can go to the HD opera tomorrow with the halter with the knowledge that things will get better: I will be able to breathe again. Our dear Dawn, fresh from a camping and sight-seeing trip to Hawaii, is coming in the morning, and we will got to the Met opera Carmen together, at a Westbury movie theater, in the afternoon. We couldn't get a ticket to our closer movie theater, in Port Washington. Just the thought of seeing someone I love energizes me. And opera helps too.
I am working on Measure for Measure on two fronts: writing the essay for the Shakespeare Association meeting: this has to be distributed on Jan. 25 to some members of the seminar Laury is leading in the spring. I think it is going fairly well, but I always think that when I am in the midst of writing, and ideas come to me as I explore the main argument I am trying to prove. And at the same time, I am working on the edition of the play that Laury and I are co-editing. I just got tickets for Merwin, Laury and me for the upcoming Theatre for a New Audience production of Measure for Measure on Feb. 14th. I am so looking forward to that. The director is Arin Arbus, who directed a fantastic Othello at TFANA last season.
My friend and colleague Ken R. is also going through a difficult time, but like me he still finds the work on Shakespeare energizing, and he thinks that the essay he is writing for a conference in Brazil, where he intends to give his paper in person, wheelchair and all, is one of the best he has ever written—and he has written much that is wonderful and elegant and true.
Love to all,
Bernice
Though the news is not better, I am feeling happier about things, probably because I have put myself in the very capable hands of my pulmonologist, the cardiologist (who is our general internist as well), and our dear hem, whom we will see on Tues.
Today I had another chest x-ray, and unfortunately it shows only a little improvement in the clouds in one lung and a worsening of them in the other. So Dr. J decided that PCP was probably not the right diagnosis and put me back on 40 mg. of prednisone, which, she said, will make me feel better very soon. I should be able to breathe at will. That will be nice indeed. She also suggested I cut back on drinking liquids (I am a great drinker of water) to 6 cups including coffee to see if that will ameliorate the swelling in my feet that makes it impossible for me to work for long sitting at my computer. And finally, she sees a real chance that I will need the surgical biopsy of the lungs, which will require a couple of days of hospitalization. I have to figure out when I can work that into our active schedule of friends, family, theater and the like.
I also was fitted today with a 24-hour halter heart monitor, which will help figure out how seriously my heart is working to compensate for the loss of lung tissue. Somehow the prospect of knowing, for better or worse, is better than having trouble breathing without knowing why, or fearing the worst.
Now I can go to the HD opera tomorrow with the halter with the knowledge that things will get better: I will be able to breathe again. Our dear Dawn, fresh from a camping and sight-seeing trip to Hawaii, is coming in the morning, and we will got to the Met opera Carmen together, at a Westbury movie theater, in the afternoon. We couldn't get a ticket to our closer movie theater, in Port Washington. Just the thought of seeing someone I love energizes me. And opera helps too.
I am working on Measure for Measure on two fronts: writing the essay for the Shakespeare Association meeting: this has to be distributed on Jan. 25 to some members of the seminar Laury is leading in the spring. I think it is going fairly well, but I always think that when I am in the midst of writing, and ideas come to me as I explore the main argument I am trying to prove. And at the same time, I am working on the edition of the play that Laury and I are co-editing. I just got tickets for Merwin, Laury and me for the upcoming Theatre for a New Audience production of Measure for Measure on Feb. 14th. I am so looking forward to that. The director is Arin Arbus, who directed a fantastic Othello at TFANA last season.
My friend and colleague Ken R. is also going through a difficult time, but like me he still finds the work on Shakespeare energizing, and he thinks that the essay he is writing for a conference in Brazil, where he intends to give his paper in person, wheelchair and all, is one of the best he has ever written—and he has written much that is wonderful and elegant and true.
Love to all,
Bernice
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Thinking things over
Dear Friends and Family,
We had a wonderful couple of days in the City: all the events we planned actually were realized. Dinner at Chowder House, Midsummer Night's Dream ballet as guests of Paul B, at Lincoln Center, lunch the next day at the Algonquin with dear friends Barbara and Kathryn, and even an hour or so in the NYPL. But reality set in also: I can no longer handle the steps in the subway system, so we had to take cabs everywhere. It's the pneumonia and the breathlessness it causes, and also the huge spleen. Also, I can't carry my computer to the library: Merwin has to do it for me. And I walk wherever we have to walk with help from his steady arm. So I feel I have lost my independence. But I am determined to do the best I can. And Merwin is so very good.
Thinking about this loss of independence, I woke up today determined to keep whatever aspect of it I could. This a.m. I drove my car for the first time since injuring the rib. It's been better at night for the last couple of nights, and I decided to go to the JCC for the 6:30 a.m. SPIN class. I had practiced briefly on a bike last week, to see how I could manage. I can't bend from the waist, but I can sit up straight without excess pain. I helped myself by paring down what I had to carry into the gym. The good thing is that the pain in the arthritic thumb seems about gone. Win some, lose some. My friends in the class were happy to see me, the music was great (lively and energizing), and the instructor was terrific and very understanding of my need to do my own thing on the bike. Now I am back home, ready to spend a good day working at the computer. That I can still do without difficulty. I am grateful for all favors that heaven sends, and I am busily planning other outings.
Love,
Bernice
We had a wonderful couple of days in the City: all the events we planned actually were realized. Dinner at Chowder House, Midsummer Night's Dream ballet as guests of Paul B, at Lincoln Center, lunch the next day at the Algonquin with dear friends Barbara and Kathryn, and even an hour or so in the NYPL. But reality set in also: I can no longer handle the steps in the subway system, so we had to take cabs everywhere. It's the pneumonia and the breathlessness it causes, and also the huge spleen. Also, I can't carry my computer to the library: Merwin has to do it for me. And I walk wherever we have to walk with help from his steady arm. So I feel I have lost my independence. But I am determined to do the best I can. And Merwin is so very good.
Thinking about this loss of independence, I woke up today determined to keep whatever aspect of it I could. This a.m. I drove my car for the first time since injuring the rib. It's been better at night for the last couple of nights, and I decided to go to the JCC for the 6:30 a.m. SPIN class. I had practiced briefly on a bike last week, to see how I could manage. I can't bend from the waist, but I can sit up straight without excess pain. I helped myself by paring down what I had to carry into the gym. The good thing is that the pain in the arthritic thumb seems about gone. Win some, lose some. My friends in the class were happy to see me, the music was great (lively and energizing), and the instructor was terrific and very understanding of my need to do my own thing on the bike. Now I am back home, ready to spend a good day working at the computer. That I can still do without difficulty. I am grateful for all favors that heaven sends, and I am busily planning other outings.
Love,
Bernice
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Getting off the Pity Pot
Dear Friends and Family,
Since writing yesterday I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself but am determined to look forward to a happy couple of days in NYC.
What's up today is an evening at the ballet with our friend Paul Bertram, who treats us to wonderful tickets at the American Ballet Co. performances. He's a donor so not only are his tickets wonderful (5th row center), but he also invites us to the donors' collation at the intervals: wonderful cheeses, wine, sweets, nuts. The main thing, though is the ballet: tonight it is Midsummer Night's Dream. In turn, we treat him to dinner at a good restaurant.
Then tomorrow, we have plans to have lunch at the Algonquin Hotel with friends Barbara and Kathryn. I am smiling all over my face just thinking of these convivial pleasures. And I hope to get into the library as well, to order some books for my shelf in the Allen Room, and to see if there are any issues of the Times Literary Supplement for me to look at (and gather information from). We'll be back in Glen Head by early evening, I expect.
My plan to go to the gym early this morning to try a SPIN class fell through because I wasn't feeling up to it. But I have to be reconciled to these little setbacks and enjoy to the fullest what I CAN do.
As usual, a few hours of work yesterday made me feel I am making progress on various fronts. Dear Michèle advised me on my essay for the Le Harve conference in a couple of months, and I was able to revise it accordingly. I don't plan to be at the conference, but Michèle has kindly agreed to read my paper for me.
And so it goes: downs that have to be overcome; ups that give life meaning and purpose.
Love to all,
Bernice
Since writing yesterday I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself but am determined to look forward to a happy couple of days in NYC.
What's up today is an evening at the ballet with our friend Paul Bertram, who treats us to wonderful tickets at the American Ballet Co. performances. He's a donor so not only are his tickets wonderful (5th row center), but he also invites us to the donors' collation at the intervals: wonderful cheeses, wine, sweets, nuts. The main thing, though is the ballet: tonight it is Midsummer Night's Dream. In turn, we treat him to dinner at a good restaurant.
Then tomorrow, we have plans to have lunch at the Algonquin Hotel with friends Barbara and Kathryn. I am smiling all over my face just thinking of these convivial pleasures. And I hope to get into the library as well, to order some books for my shelf in the Allen Room, and to see if there are any issues of the Times Literary Supplement for me to look at (and gather information from). We'll be back in Glen Head by early evening, I expect.
My plan to go to the gym early this morning to try a SPIN class fell through because I wasn't feeling up to it. But I have to be reconciled to these little setbacks and enjoy to the fullest what I CAN do.
As usual, a few hours of work yesterday made me feel I am making progress on various fronts. Dear Michèle advised me on my essay for the Le Harve conference in a couple of months, and I was able to revise it accordingly. I don't plan to be at the conference, but Michèle has kindly agreed to read my paper for me.
And so it goes: downs that have to be overcome; ups that give life meaning and purpose.
Love to all,
Bernice
Monday, January 11, 2010
Not much new
Dear Friends and Family,
Yesterday was a very quiet day, mostly just hanging out, reading the Sunday Times. I am determined to get outside, though, at least once a day, so we went to Rising Tide, our lovely organic shop, for their ready-to-eat specialties. We chose salmon, eggplant, and greens; and there are leftovers for lunch today. Once out of the house, I could appreciate the fantastic cloud formations and the setting sun in Sea Cliff at the harbor. It's so good to have these visual treats.
This morning, we went to the gym together. Merwin goes to a water aerobics class. My friend Elaine treated me to a cup of coffee at Gila's cafe at the gym, and I saw and greeted others with real pleasure: it feels like ages since I have been there. I tried a few things I could do without hurting the rib. Breathing is still not exactly normal either: the pneumonia is getting better but is not gone yet. I walked the track, tried the reclining bike, then the treadmill. Dear Mimi, the instructor of the class I am missing, gave me some tips on how to exercise while walking the track. I also stepped into the empty SPIN room to see how it might be to do that exercise. It was OK, as long as I didn't scrunch over. I plan to go to the early a.m. class tomorrow a.m.
Hey, if my 89-year-old friend Gladys who cracked two ribs (not just bruised) is already on a stationary bicycle, I should be able to do it too!
Continuing with recipes:
I posted the recipe for cheese kreplach on 13 Dec. The dough is exactly the same for meat kreplach.
To prepare the filling: Choose a French roast (whatever that is: this is my mother's term; it'll be some cut of chuck) about 2 and 1/2 lbs. Simmer in a small amount of water in a tightly covered pot until it is almost tender. Let cool in its liquid.
Meanwhile or the day before, cook down onions in oil until very soft. My mother's old-world method of softening the onions was to add a pinch of baking soda—not enough to affect the taste. But time will also soften the onions without browning them. Try it both ways to see. Cool the onions.
You can put the meat with liquid and the onions in the refrigerator and continue a day later if you wish.
Grind the meat and onions together; add the liquid from the pot and 1 egg. Put a tsp. or so of the mix on each square of dough. Fold the squares of dough over to make a triangle, and scrunch the edges to seal.
In case you missed the recipe for the dough: it's made with 7 C of flour and 5 eggs, with enough water added to make it pliable. You roll this out quite thin, but not so thin that the filling pokes through.
Ease the kreplach carefully into simmering water (add salt if you use it). Simmer for 10 minutes or so. These can be added to soup. Or lift out kreplach with a slotted spoon, place in lightly greased pan and bake at 350 till brown.
Love to all,
Bernice
Yesterday was a very quiet day, mostly just hanging out, reading the Sunday Times. I am determined to get outside, though, at least once a day, so we went to Rising Tide, our lovely organic shop, for their ready-to-eat specialties. We chose salmon, eggplant, and greens; and there are leftovers for lunch today. Once out of the house, I could appreciate the fantastic cloud formations and the setting sun in Sea Cliff at the harbor. It's so good to have these visual treats.
This morning, we went to the gym together. Merwin goes to a water aerobics class. My friend Elaine treated me to a cup of coffee at Gila's cafe at the gym, and I saw and greeted others with real pleasure: it feels like ages since I have been there. I tried a few things I could do without hurting the rib. Breathing is still not exactly normal either: the pneumonia is getting better but is not gone yet. I walked the track, tried the reclining bike, then the treadmill. Dear Mimi, the instructor of the class I am missing, gave me some tips on how to exercise while walking the track. I also stepped into the empty SPIN room to see how it might be to do that exercise. It was OK, as long as I didn't scrunch over. I plan to go to the early a.m. class tomorrow a.m.
Hey, if my 89-year-old friend Gladys who cracked two ribs (not just bruised) is already on a stationary bicycle, I should be able to do it too!
Continuing with recipes:
I posted the recipe for cheese kreplach on 13 Dec. The dough is exactly the same for meat kreplach.
To prepare the filling: Choose a French roast (whatever that is: this is my mother's term; it'll be some cut of chuck) about 2 and 1/2 lbs. Simmer in a small amount of water in a tightly covered pot until it is almost tender. Let cool in its liquid.
Meanwhile or the day before, cook down onions in oil until very soft. My mother's old-world method of softening the onions was to add a pinch of baking soda—not enough to affect the taste. But time will also soften the onions without browning them. Try it both ways to see. Cool the onions.
You can put the meat with liquid and the onions in the refrigerator and continue a day later if you wish.
Grind the meat and onions together; add the liquid from the pot and 1 egg. Put a tsp. or so of the mix on each square of dough. Fold the squares of dough over to make a triangle, and scrunch the edges to seal.
In case you missed the recipe for the dough: it's made with 7 C of flour and 5 eggs, with enough water added to make it pliable. You roll this out quite thin, but not so thin that the filling pokes through.
Ease the kreplach carefully into simmering water (add salt if you use it). Simmer for 10 minutes or so. These can be added to soup. Or lift out kreplach with a slotted spoon, place in lightly greased pan and bake at 350 till brown.
Love to all,
Bernice
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