Dave captured the crepe myrtle. I can see it from my bed.

Dear Friends and Family,

I know I have been lax about writing my blog. For days, I didn't feel up to it, and I don't want to write about my health only. But I am feeling better this morning than I have for a long time. On Monday, dear old friends, Phyllis, Annie and Pat, came with a big bag of take-out from Kiraku. I didn't feel up to going out, but I am always cheered by the love and kindness of friends. Annie brought some of her delicious oatmeal cookies and told us all about the new house she has bought and moved into. She wanted to be closer to her children. She had a lovely house, but it was far east in Long Island. Everyone but the dog is happy about the move. He had so much running room; now he is on a street with sidewalks.

I thought Merwin and I should try to see Dr. Janus, the pulmonologist, and we were squeezed into her tight schedule on Tuesday afternoon. It took hours, and fortunately Merwin set me up with portable oxygen. I seem to be oxygen dependent now. I hope not always. The good news is that the lungs sound clear. Whatever is bugging me is more probably a general virus, caught at the hospital. My thighs, front and back, have raised red blotches on them. A biopsy revealed nothing except it ruled out everything but a virus. Dr. Janus put me on a week of prednizone, promising that it would make me feel better within a few days: she was right.

On Tuesday, Sonia helped me do most of my exercises. Yesterday, too, I was feeling better when Sonia was here, and I worked alongside her in the kitchen. Barbara stopped over with good organic vegetables from her garden. Sonia had been preparing to make cheese pancakes, and I decided on a whim to add some of Barbara's spinach, which grows on a pole and thus is not a problem to wash quickly. The pancakes were quite good, but I intend to make spinach pancakes out of the remaining spinach, without any cottage cheese.

Many dear colleagues, especially Nick, write to me with news about our website hamletworks.org and general news. Harvey sent me a paper to look at and improve. No matter how I feel, I seem to be able to put on my English teacher's hat and make it better, at least a little.

I have my face turned toward NYC. I yearn to go there, and wonder how we can do it with the oxygen.

Love to all,
Bernice

Dear Friends and Family,

No photo again today; sorry. I need Merwin to capture the crepe myrtle before it sheds its flowers. On Wednesday Harris and Evelyn were kind enough to visit. We had lox and mini bagels on hand, and they were kind enough to bring dessert, fruit and pastries. I had to lie on the couch for a bit, but it was good having them here. The main thing is that for the first time I did a little of the prep and otherwise coached Merwin. He is not feeling great either: sciatica, it seems. He's going to a physical therapist.

Thursday, I did more with Sonia than I have been able to do since this new illness, whatever it is, causing the low oxygen. We walked around the short block, but I also did some exercises with her. Not many, just a few. I also was able to read one of the other essays in SQ—flimsy I believe next to mine, and by two of the members of the editorial board of SQ. How hard did they have to work to get their essay accepted? But OK. I want to focus on my own achievement: I read something other than a few paragraphs at a time in The New Yorker. This is a good sign.

Even better was Friday. I dressed for our First Friday lunch but heard from Gladys that only Ilona had phoned to say she was coming. She sounded irritated and didn't want to make it a threesome. So Ilona and I went to Kiraku. That was fun! I am greeted by all there with a Hello Bernice, how are you. The only possible answer is Fine. I was relieved actually, because I didn't know if I could be without oxygen for the time it would have taken at The Jolly Fisherman. So it was with relief that the plan was canceled. Kiraku is at the end of the block here.

After a rest, I went to get my nails done, below and above! That takes a little bit of a lift up the steep steps and into the high seat for a pedicure. Chinese people I believe have a special tenderness toward the old. A customer sitting next to me even lent a hand. I am grateful for the help of both strangers and friends.

Wow! a walk, a lunch out, a manicure and pedicure! Dave went shopping for us and brought mushroom caps with spinach and cheese for our supper. He also made a salad, lickety split: he's so fast, so handy. And does it so willingly. He'll be back today to do a little more cooking after a little more shopping.

Love,
Bernice

Catching up again

No photo today, sorry.

Dear Friends and Family,

Comments are coming in about my “At Sea” essay. which received pride of place (1st essay in the group) in the August issue of Shakespeare Quarterly, though I have to admit that the issue's guest editor did not have much to say about it: usually there would be a sentence or two or even a paragraph about each essay. I think I owe a lot to Mimi, the managing editor, who fought for my essay's placement in the issue. I am not going to keep on mentioning comments on my essay (if indeed there are any more).

Great piece on the Red Dragon, Bernice - I've also been working on this and have found other "Ambrose Gunthio" essays that are clearly by Collier! Well done. Jonathan.

The above is from "Sir Jonathan,” a Shakespearean of great renown. It's seems clear that he was on the same track and his prior publication could have precluded mine!

Dear Bernice, I read your article in SQ and I thought it was brilliant: fantastic research, clear and succinct presentation, and a really driving narrative - the last, not usually found in SQ, to my mind. And I loved the way you show how the trendy critics finesse the question of the account's authenticity - they need it too much to ask whether it's legitimate. And the pseudonym - good thinking.I enjoyed reading it so much - My hat is off to you!
OK, this is from a dear friend, a scholar in other fields, but I cherish her opinion.

I read your analysis of the Keeling incident in SQ. If you're correct--and I'm persuaded you are--many books, including my own, will need correcting.
This is from someone I have not met but whose work I know.

And on a more private note: Herb and I have had many many moments together, but this is what he wrote when he found out how ill I am. This memory of his goes back to the '80s.
You know, one of my favorite moments was dinner in Cambridge, Mass, with you, members of your family, Maurice, Bernie Beckerman, Sam Schoenbaum, Dick Levin. I was the only goy in the group. How proud I was to be there!
Be well! Love to you and Merwin, Herb.

I have been quite low physically. On Sunday, I was visited by beautiful Jessica, wife of Barry; Barry too, and Jessica's father, Jack, who looks young enough to be Jessica's husband. We just chatted at random. My cousin (part daughter) Sylvia came in and joined the conversation, and after the triplet party left, Dawn arrived, partly because she wanted to spend time with Sylvia. I had to rest in my bed a couple of times.

Monday, more rest, more Jane Austen. Tuesday I woke up with a rash that had started a few days before but now had spread across both thighs, front and back: no itching there. Harvey told me to talk to my oncologist, She kindly fitted us in, and from there we went to my skin doctor for a biopsy. I think it's just an infection because I am so weak.

I could not go to the writing group meeting, but Toby kindly stopped by and told me about all the readings.

Dave went shopping for us and also cooked some wild cod for our dinner. Very sweet of him. He is very helpful. We are lucky in all our children.

That's all, folks! This is tiring!

Love to all,
Bernice

quiet days

This delightful card appeared on my birthday along with Sophie, who delivered her daughters' poem and card. What a wonderful family and how we cherish them.

Dear Friends and family,

Seeing people does help. On Wed. Dawn came with lots of great food, some of which we froze. Late in the day Laury came with lentils and barley that David had made. Thanks, David: delicious! I was wiped out by the time they were ready to leave, but it was worth it. When Sonia came on Tues., she prepared a lot of things that I usually would make myself. She doesn't seem to realize how important she is to me and suggested she come once a week instead of twice because I can't do the exercises now. I can't bear her leaving, not when I am so weak. But she has her own health problems, though she seems so firmly energetic!

On Thursday, Sonia urged me to take a walk in the neighborhood, just around the short block. I did it without difficulty with her at my side. She encouragees me to do things I don't think I can do. Later, Merwin picked up Jay from the Glen Head LIRR station, and then we went to Kiraku, the Japanese restaurant at the corner, which I love and he likes too. For both outings, I did without O2 without too much difficulty. It was fun to hear all about his vacations.

On Friday, Barry came for a brief visit. He read me his notes about a Hamlet production—what he liked and what he didn't. I asked him if he'd like to write it up for one of the journals, but he prefers to read poetry and to work on projects that fascinate him. He is full of ideas. He borrowed some books from me, and I also gave him one of Herb's books.

We have a new, highly recommended worker for hamletworks.org—and a good thing too! His name is Marvin, and I am sure I will writing more about him as we go along. I wish I could see him in person, but that does not seem likely. We'll see how it goes.

During the sedentary days I have watched an enormous amount of TV, mainly MSNBC but also cSspan2 where there are no commercials. The commentators seem to spread blame sequally among both houses of congress and the president. What! The blame is entirely on the heads of the Tea Party Republicans! Boner (as I call him) came out after a wretched attempt to get his caucus in line with yelling criticism of the other side for doing nothing!? What a strategy! and the news programs in their “balanced” views let each side have equal time. Yuck!

But we also have had the pleasure, Merwin and I, of watching some Jane Austen films, which we so love, sometimes more than one version of the same novel. So interesting, the choices made. If only Merwin had the energy he could read the novels aloud to me for the delight of us both.

That's about it, folks! Keep in touch.

Love,

Bernice

The editing group at the top: Pete at the left, Nick near the right, along with Jesús. Reading the program: Nick. Contemplative in Prague: Hardin.

Dear Family and Friends,

The best news is that my essay “At Sea about Hamlet at Sea: A Detective Story” appeared as promised in the August issue of Shakespeare Quarterly, one of our premiere journals. The managing editor at the journal that I worked with told me that she worked to get my essay in first place among the essays published this time. I can believe that, because the editor of the journal as a whole seemed to care more about the dialogue he had shaped among various scholars about I am not sure what. My head is not clear enough to figure it out. It would probably help if I read the comments, but I am not tempted, not the way I feel now.

First among the book reviews there was one on four New Kittredge editions. The reviewer did not like them, but of the four mine with Laury on Romeo and Juliet rose above the rest. It was a little hard to see what he objected to in this sweet little series. We weren't true to Kittredge. Well yes, at times we weren't. He could not bring himself to explain any of the sexual innuendoes, and we did not mind filling in. Anyway, two of the things I have worked on in one journal issue.

When my health took a downturn a few years ago, I realized that I wanted to complete the essay “At Sea about Hamlet at Sea: A Detective Story,” which I had started years before but put down when our team received a large grant from the NEH. From 2007 I devoted my limited energy to the essay and other tasks for hamletworks.org. It was wonderful to work on the material, to make discoveries as I went along. Maybe that is one reason that I have not worked on Shakespeare for the last few weeks—my declining health, the cascade of errors that have led me to this position. I am grateful that Nick is taking hold where I have let go.

I am better. At my birthday lunch with the three July birthday friends on the 20th, I could not talk at all; I had to write my comments and mostly listen, as I have mentioned before. Today, Sonia came and prepared a few meals under my direction, and I was able to talk normally more or less. Her professional opinion by the end of our session together (no walks, no exercises) was that I looked better than I had when she arrived. Naturally, I said. You always make me feel and therefore look better.

It will be a while, though, before I am off the O2. Today we got another 25 feet of tubing so I can get to my big computer. When I removed the tubing, my O2 reading takes a dive. But it soon comes up again.

I think I have moped enough. I have plans to see Dawn, Jay, Barry and Jessica, Rick. I am not sure I can make it to Barbara's on August 2nd. But seeing people I love I know helps me a lot.

I count you among them:

Love,

Bernice

Birthday news

At the top, me in 1993 when I purchased a Saturn. Below, the birthday gathering in that same building, much altered, very elegant, though oddly situated on a main road. It worked out well for Harvey and Sandy because they were traveling on to New Jersey and Philadelphia. Harvey of course took lots of video shots and many still shots as well. The photo of me and Merwin shows my delight at all the loving fuss. The group shot shows our ever-constant and helpful son in the foreground. Moving counter-clockwise his wonderful wife Sandy, then Michelle, the younger of the twins by about 18 minutes (long story), Merwin, me, and finally Rachael, the older twin. We share a wonderful amount of love among us. I don't know if you can see the gorgeous earrings Laury got for me. So light, so well crafted.

Dear Friends and Family,

We had a wonderful birthday gathering yesterday at Limoni, the restaurant in the totally restructured building that once housed the Saturn dealership where I bought my 1993 Saturn. I loved the car because I chose it on my own; its special appeal was that it was made in America, not in Japan (definitely not in Germany) and that its list price was the price: no negotiations necessary. My next purchase was (the still extant) 2007 Toyota hybrid, the purchase of which my son Arthur brilliantly helped me negotiate.

Sandy brought one of her gorgeous flower arrangements and a splendid salad to provide meals for a couple of days. Sophie had stopped by in the morning with a precious card from her girls, mostly Grace, and some delicious poached salmon, asparagus and pesto. Sophie loves to cook and so do her three girls.

I was feeling pretty weak during lunch but bore up as well as I could. No wonder I felt as I did: my O2 was down to 76 when I got home. I am a little disheartened that I am not feeling better than I had before the antibiotic: I have now taken all three doses. Also, though my O2 level goes up to 96 when I am on the air, it plummets back down to 85 or 86 after I am off of it for a few minutes. I am not testing it all the time; just when I think of it, perhaps three or four times a day.

My little oxygen generator looks like 3CPO. It sucks air in, converts it to oxygen (that is, removes the nitrogen and other chemicals from the air), which I inhale through a clear tube, I forget the name of the pieces that fit in the nostrils. The process is not hard to take; I use it most of the day and all night too. I can get as far as the kitchen from the bedroom without difficulty. Merwin will get me about 25 more feet if tubing so I can get to my big computer too.

I received many many Facebook messages. When Dawn comes on Monday, maybe she will help me answer them. I don't do Facebook.

That's all folks; this much was exhausting.

Love,

Bernice

News from around the world

The two men are fellow editors of hamletworks.org, cheerful Nick to the left and indescribable Hardin to the right. Also from left Wendy, the wife of the photo-taker Alan, Nick's wife Chrissy of the irresistible smile and intense Amy next to Hardin. Alan has contributed a splendid essay on Shakespeare in art for our site. So we are all connected, I am happy to say. Along with Eric, who could not go to Prague, Nick and Hardin labor on to complete the New Variorum Hamlet as well as their editing of hamletworks.org.

Dear Friends and Family,

I think I am ready to turn the corner. What a slew of bad luck, leaving me—not quite in the slough of despond but getting close. Today we finally saw my delightful Pulmonologist, who immediately took charge. My lungs are not at all as bad as they were last January when I had pneumonia. If I have any pneumonia now, it is just a touch in one lobe. Still, my O2 intake is quite low, 85 high, so she ordered O2 for me. A nice gent with an infectious laugh came by and showed us all the ins and outs. Too much to go into. This is going to help me sleep and maybe even get my voice back. I also took one of the antibiotic pills she prescribed—only one a day for three days. So I expect to feel a lot better soon.

If I had not had to go to the hospital for the transfusions, none of tis would have happened, And even before that, if I had been able to reach the doctor while I was reducing my dose of Hydrea my RBC would never have gotten so low. Oh well. I have to say I must be remarkably resilient to be able to tolerate all these side slams.

I did go out to dinner to celebrate Dave's birthday, but I was not able to make it through dessert. Dave kindly said it didn't matter, that it was best for me to get home. Which I did. I can recuperate quickly by watching Jane Austen. We had seen a very truncated version of Pride and Prejudice, which only half satisfied our desires so Merwin went back to the library and found a fuller version. Ah!

Yesterday, I made it to the annual lunch for the July birthday friends whom we have known since 1954 when Merwin and I arrived on Long Island. We used to go on annual weekends to Mohonk Mountain Resort in the winter as well as celebrate the July birthdays; since Bobbie and Norman have moved to Florida and Rosie and Rudy to Connecticut, we manage only this once a year event. I was marvelously buoyed up by our get together at good old Jolly Fisherman. Bobbie, sitting next to me, urged me at one point to go home to bed, but I made the mistake of not listening to her; I stayed until exhaustion set in, which meant a long nap and then bed for the rest of the day. But it was worth it. I had to communicate by writing notes, but that's OK. I talk too much anyway.

I was not up to celebrating Laury's birthday with her on the 18th, but she has since stopped by to bring flowers, good wishes, and lovely earrings; I missed seeing her because I was sleeping when she arrived. And at least one more July birthday has not been forgotten. Dear Phyllis, whom we have known since 1958 when Arthur started along with Phyllis's son at the coop nursery school in Sea Cliff.

On the Shakespeare front, the guys did very well for hamletworks.org in Prague, and we must be sure to get their achievements into the NEH report that is due in a few days. Not being able to work, my mind has fastened on an idea I would like to explore. We have accomplished a lot with our wonderful site, but it is all too connected with the New Variorum Hamlet. We need to lift it above that limited book project. Also we need to consider what's happened to Internet communications: blogs, tweets, facebook friends. I wonder how we can get on board. Ideas anyone?

Love to all,
Bernice

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